Gardeners Rest #13 ( 2018)

[Lumpy]

does anybody have an old pair of tights so I can........

[Baldy]

filter out the worst of the lumps, dead insects and other detritus - then possibly go rob a bank.
Oh bother, should have asked for cleanly washed tights, thanks anyway MissMouseTrousers, but there's more hair in this pair than...

[Snoop Puss]

in Baldy's rug. Still, hair of the dog and...

[burnie]

dead rats, I always put at least one in the cider it gives it a certain...……………………...

[Lumpy]

yuk factor thought Lumpy as she remembered earing a very large chewy bit last year that Burnie assured her would work wonders on the wrinkles on her....................

[burnie]

tights, though it failed on Nora Battys', anyone for more summer wine...…………….

[Lumpy]

shouted Bernie. After a silent reply we all began to wonder if it was Christmas at all.
No tree, no decorations, no VC (who appeared to be hibernating till spring) , no lit log fire and no.........

[Baldy]

Christmas trees in the diy sheds... no, wait that's not strictly true, talking of strictly, lets not; perhaps its time for an early 6 nations rugby thread to coax VC out?

OK, I won't but perhaps someone should start a thread about...

[Cadalot]

The art of using a pointy stick ….

[Small pumpkin]

.......or we could just get another round in. Rary I'll have.....

[Lumpy]

.......Whatever the drink was that SP wanted was drowned out by the huge crash of the pub doors being thrown open.
In staggered Snoop Puss who looked like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. Her clothes were covered in mud and one sole was flopping around barely held onto her left welly boot.
OK people she gasped we’ve got the tree outside but need some help getting it inside.
Everyone rushed outside to see Mr Snoop desparately trying to untangle himself from what looked like horse harness. The Snoops had pulled the tree all the way from Spain so it could decorate the pub.
Rary scratched his glittery sporran deep in thought as he looked at the 180ft tree and wondered.......

[burnie]

if we'd need more glittery bits to...…………..

[rary]

Then he thought no we could cut off the base by about 175 feet or so and I would be able to decorate it if someone would give me the money...

[Baldy]

add to his "Strictly Come Dancing Tam o' Shanter" - a very very bling affair "darling". Luckily, just as it looked like Rary was going a little too far in his appreciation of Craig Revel Horwood's look and feel, John Barleycorn entered the Gardener's Rest and said... Damnit Janet

I wrote a cheque - luckily it bounced, unfortunately...

[Lumpy]

I don’t have a clue what Baldy is on about.
However, Rary was slowly pulling yards of tinsel out of his industrial sized sporran so he could start decorating the tree. The fact that it was bent in half with bits lopped off didn’t matter as Rary wanted it.....