Should I write a book?

[Lumpy]

OK gardening books have been mentioned quite a few times recently so I though that if ‘they’ could do it so could I.

Now, I have a few chapters in mind but would appreciate any comments to steer me in the right (is there one as everyone’s growing experience is unique) direction.

For example -
So, it’s not big enough get over it.
Oh a potty grower you are (oh no I sound like Yoda).
Just do.........
What do you mean ‘experts’
Slugs make gook face cream.
It’s easy to get ..........
Who actually likes marrows?

Etc.

Any suggestions for my soon to bee (excuse the pun) best seller wood(chip) be most appreciated.

Love
Lumpy
X

[KevinM67]

"Gardening for Dummies" by Veggiechicken

[Lumpy]

That’s a brilliant idea Kev.
What more could a reader need than a wise chicken to give them advice on growing something on a window ledge of a 14th floor (it’s where I started off) flat.
Now Kev what to you know about roots?

[Snoop Puss]

The Grapes of Wrath

Not sure whether that should be about pruning wayward vines or about modding allotment forums while wielding pointy sticks.

Cor Jets

A chapter on the history of allotmenteering in the airforce.

[veggiechicken]

Hang on you lot - its Lumpy who wants to write a book - not me.
I share my pearls of wisdom with you all daily and you don't have to pay for the pleasure.

[rary]

Now Kev what to you know about roots?

I will bet you he watched the TV series

[rary]

That’s a brilliant idea Kev.
What more could a reader need than a wise chicken to give them advice

Now all you need to do is find a wise checken

[Lumpy]

Now there’s an idea.....,,

How to do it with the Beak and Trunk?

Catchy title isn’t it.

So military growing - no not in rows or uniform order. Just shove it in and then molly coddle as necessary.

If you have a pot/container/tin etc the world is your oyster.
You haven’t lived until you’ve sucked on Basil (homegrown on the windowiets)
So more chapters -

Nature don’t fight it understand it.
Oh my carrot looks like a William so what?
Reuse,recycle and be gloriously different.
X

[veggiechicken]

My book (if there was one) would be -
"Bung 'em in Gardening" by the daft chook.

[Bren In Pots]

I'd suggest an article on tips about things like checking your knees are clean before going out the front gate.

[Lumpy]

Sorry. Bren but clean knees are an unknown and spooky concept to me. My trunk is so wonderfully converluted that I’ve not seen my knees for years.
Apparently the a certain local likes them though.

[Small pumpkin]

Two chapters you may like to add lumpy.
1. Why do ****ing nettles hurt so much.
2. You're only supposed to blow the bl@@dy doors off !! ( not your head ).
(Chilli based chapter, just in case you didn't get the very tenuous link )

[rary]

Sorry. Bren but clean knees are an unknown and spooky concept to me. My trunk is so wonderfully converluted that I’ve not seen my knees for years..

Get a big mirror that's how I can see my knees

Two chapters you may like to add lumpy.
1. Why do ****ing nettles hurt so much.)

1. Why do stinging nettles hurt so much? You missed out a wee star

[Snoop Puss]

Nice and Wisley Does It - a chapter on top tips from the RHS

[veggiechicken]

I'm currently reading "Chicken coops for the Soul. A henkeepers story"
Wish I could think of a title like that!!