Gardeners Rest #14 ( 2019)

[Can the Man]

A whip round for rary because when he went to collect his pension the PostOffice told him there had been a big mistake and that he owed them 3 years back pension as it was paid to him way to soon, somebody had deliberately falsified a pension application in his name and put an incorrect date of birth on the application. But there was a tell tale clue on the paperwork, it was ............

[veggiechicken]

...............Aberdeen Plotter who was fed up with clearing rary's tab every year and decided to get some cash in hand.
Just at that moment, in came Ap looking benevolent. "Make mine a pint of the black stuff" he said, humming Highland Cathedral (or was that his socks humming?) " and, pretty barmaid" (because it was well known to all that Ap had a softspot for the old wench) " Can would like................

[Can the Man]

A pint o’ the black stuff too and a wee ball o’ malt. Just tae wet the throat he said, this flu has me fffffff’ed

[Can the Man]

Just then Can noticed a report about rarys pension had made Sky TV, and there was mention of feathers and chicken poop on the paperwork,
Ooh I wonder has rary seen this he wondered ?

[lottie dolly]

could this be the work of our heroin chicken,trying her best to help rary ....................

[Vegi potager]

Off camera...

(Now I have finished choking from laughing so hard...
Good heavens you lot! I can see the front pages of the tabloids now if you ever did all get together...
I don't know If I REALLY, REALLY want to be there, or be somewhere else. Far, far away )

"Following a multiple tractor pile up, the police have determined the cause was a drunken chase after a run away pony, numerous poultry and 3 tail-less mice. A large number of strangely dressed persons in wellingtons waving gardening implements wrapped in tinsel were involved. Witnesses stated that they were bombarded by flying munchies while being serenaded by some old fella quoting Robert Burns. The Pony and other animals were not injured in the accident."

[Nicos]

Nicos looked around at her friends. "Yup...just as nutty as ever" she thought.
Still, it is finally the 12th day of Christmas and all good things have to come to an end....we'll need to get the Gardeners Rest cleared up again and put the key away safely until next winter.

So, quitely (also off camera) she started tidying up - leaving out a few bottles and nibbles for anyone else dropping by later on in the day.
Of course rary was well aware of the freeby 'Eat up and Drink up ' tradition of the final day, so no doubt he'd be along later....

[lottie dolly]

This place is like ghost town,thank you Nicos for opening up,i will help you clear up,bids a farwell to all,and see you in normal street.

[Aberdeenplotter]

Did someone mention freebies? I only had leftovers for supper so a nice glass of ......................

[veggiechicken]

.............tepid milk and a stale Mincepie would go down...............

[Can the Man]

Just as the Veggi chicken and the Aberdeen potter were about to tuck into some rather sorry looking mince pies, warm butter milk (it as really sour milk, but VC pretended it as buttermilk) and some stale crisps, in falls Can and Rary both pi$$ed as farts each with a bottle of whisky & whiskey 1 Scotch 1 Irish and a big plate of haggis, tatties and nips. What’s that your eating asked VC, freshly caught haggis laughed rary. The aroma of whiskey and haggis wafted slowly round the Gardeners rest enticing others out of hiding, Nicos and Lottie Dolly were first up looking for a wee dram, and then famous journalist Vegi potager was there looking for another scoop.........

[veggiechicken]

...............of brussel sprout icecream - that Nicos had said was mock-pistachio flavour.
"Mmm delicious" said Vp licking her spoon " and the sauce gave it the added je ne c'est quoi. If you could give me the recipe I'll write a review for the Grapevine Times Foodie page."
At that moment, in rushed Lottie, in a bit of a doodah. "Has anyone seen the activator for the composting toilet. It was here a moment ago!"
All heads swivelled to look at Vp who was still licking her spoon and her lips whilst rubbing her tum and...........

[Aberdeenplotter]

everyone thought that was really well co-ordinated when all of a sudden, there was an almight blast of wind, yes a far........................................

[Nicos]

...far away.....

[Nicos]

.....A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away......a wormhole had appeared...inside the Gardeners Rest....