Why have kids?

[Waffler]

Happy new year everyone!
Not been on for a while so it's been good doing some selective catching up.

OK, inspired by so many of your comments on the NY res post (notably HeyWaynes! ) I thought I'd ask those with children why having kids is a good idea.
It's not that I need convincing, but OH is not convinced by the idea, and, like HeyWayne, I had thought that this might be the year to give it a try. However, as OH blatantly puts it, it's a helluva risk if you find out actually it was a bad idea: no going back, and all that.

So the problem is that I've always wanted kids and I teach littuns too, so obviously quite like children. OH isn't ever so keen on kids and can't see past the lack of sleep, lack of doing things as and when we want to once a bub comes along. Also the fact that we have quite a nice home with nice things which ultimately could be trashed once a rugrat becomes mobile.
Add to that the fact that all our friends (with kids) keep on asking when we'll be having them since getting married in the summer BUT mostly say things like 'It's a nightmare' 'It's such hard work' etc. but all claim that it just has to be done. OH doesn't really see this as an ad for procreation.

So what's the deal? (serious and funny comments welcomed!)

(I'll be 30 - eek! - this year, and OH will be 37; just to put things in to perspective a bit.)

[shirlthegirl43]

Welcome back and happy new year.

I never wanted kids, hadn't known Madmax long when nature kinda lent a hand and we ended up expecting. We met in January, married in August (same year) and had mk1 son the following January. Decided we wouldn't have an only child so had another one 5 years later. I still don't like kids but love my own.

You can always pack the fragile stuff away for a few years - kids don't do any more damage than hubby's anyway

[scarey55]

Well, at the grand old age of 50 I'm hoping that our kids will be able to look after us in our old age but then, I'm guessing that at 30 and 37 that won't be a consideration just yet
Sorry, not much help am I?

[pigletwillie]

I only look at children to gauge whether or not they are a good size to bbq or boil with veg.

I have a fab stepdaugher who being 28 is independent and has her own place and have never really wanted kids. The upshot is that we have a much better lifestyle, freedom to do our own thing and never have to make time for parents evenings and the rest of the stuff that goes with kids. With 6 billion people on the planet, it can do without an extra one of mine.

As for your kids looking after you in old age, really, I fear the rustle of old fogeys home brochures unless you are really lucky.

[Seahorse]

I think it's generally a lot harder for blokes to 'get' the why have kids question. However, I think they almost always love it when kids do come along. I used to work with a chap who was absolutely devastated when his wife got pregnant, thought his life was over, wanted to join the French Foreign Legion... all that! Yet once the baby was born, you really wouldn't have found a prouder father.

I had four babies in eight years (not altogether on purpose ) and of course it's hard work but the good parts just can't be bettered by anything. All those 'first' things they do, little achievements they make, the fun of having a little companion who is fascinated by things you'd never even noticed, the joy of being able to play with toys again without anyone thinking you're an oddball, hugs, cuddles, kisses...

[piskieinboots]

gawd it's a tough one to answer fersure!

Snowdrop and me have no babies, have never wanted any babies and like PW we have a fairly comfortable life-style and are pretty selfish with our time. We are very keen motorcyclists and take off at a moments notice, as do we to Rugby matches, weekends away etc - that would be jolly tough - no, impossible, had we done the babe thaing.

I have absolutely no doubt that once babe comes along you will both love it to bits and back - but as you rightly say, there is no going back. Your life-style will most likely be just as lovely but different.

Take your time, at 30 & 37 there is plenty of time

[Flummery]

Kids are like farts - you can just about stand your own! (Sorry PhantomVeg!)

There is a definite good feel to being a family. Children bring you down to earth. There is a primal instinct to procreate too, although it needn't lead to actual conception these days. There is a considerable difference between liking children and the feelings you have towards your own.

I would never tell anyone that they either should or should not have children. It's the most personal decision of your life. However, it does grieve me to see some children neglected (or worse) while some people would love a child of their own and can't have one. It's a misery wrapped in an enema as they say!

[smallblueplanet]

...and of course it's hard work but the good parts just can't be bettered by anything....

I've never wanted kids, never felt maternal and am happy not to have any.

The above line is the one you see quoted over and over again, its not that I don't believe what you say its just......dunno, I guess its good for the human race you think that way. The thing I miss most is family, I'm now an orphan and was from a small clan anyway (edit - well it was only a small clan cos one half of the family disowned the other! lol!).

...ah well good luck and happiness whatever you chose (or happens) Waffler.

[Seahorse]

I've never wanted kids, never felt maternal and am happy not to have any.

The above line is the one you see quoted over and over again, its not that I don't believe what you say its just......dunno, I guess its good for the human race you think that way.

Just to clarify my post a bit... I do think not having kids is entirely valid. I'd like to think my life would have been very different but equally fulfilling had I not had mine. There are certainly no impromptu weekends in Paris when you have kids (or much impromtu anything!)

[shirlthegirl43]

There are certainly no impromptu weekends in Paris when you have kids (or much impromtu anything!)

There is opportunity for that when they have grown up a bit

[smallblueplanet]

Sorry seahorse, t'weren't getting at you.

[Seahorse]

Sorry seahorse, t'weren't getting at you.

Nooo... I didn't think you were! I just didn't want to come over all smug and 'I'm right, you're wrong'!

[Seahorse]

There is opportunity for that when they have grown up a bit

Good to be reminded of that!

[JennieAtkinson]

You don't necessarily have to change your lifestyle (depending on what the lifestyle is of course) when children come along.

We:

• continued camping (with babies from 3 months - and there were no disposable nappies then!)
• walking (never really stopped - they were either in a backpack or managed to walk on their own - do we have the only children who reached the summit of Ben Nevis at the ages of 7 and 8 ?)
• cycling (they did their first cycle tour of France when 8 and 9, the 8 year old on the back of a tandem and the nine year old on his own bike - the following year they were both on their own bikes)
• sailing (all their life)

Both have found a career in the Forces - I wonder why?

The boys just became part of our lives and now (aged 28 and 29) both admit they had a great childhood and want it for their own children too. We love our boys to bits, but also know, despite a great family life, we have also had to let them go as well and do their own thing (rugby, art, football, canoeing (off the coast at the age of 12!), french exchange (six months at the age of 10!) ...............

But having children IS such a personal decision. The only thing I would say Waffler is - don't look at what everyone else does and think you have to do it too. Kids just love excitement and doing things and when you can do all these things together as a family it is GREAT!

[sewer rat]

Hi Waffler
It's so true that having kids changes your life completely, but only for the better in my opinion.
Myself and my OH were late starters - I'm 44, OH is 42, daughter No 1 is 6 and daughter No 2 is three weeks from being born
We both led fairly wild lifestyles before we met and indeed up until OH fell pregnant with Iona.
There is not a single day that passes that I don't thank the stars for having Iona.
She brings so much to us - and you see life from a different perspective too.
As for stopping impromptu weekends to Paris, yeah can see why that argument would stand, but not the second part - if that were true, baby no 2 wouldn't be about to make an appearance.
At the end of the day, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly, and should be made together, but I have never regretted it (not for more than a couple of minutes at any one time anyway ), but each to their own.