Why have kids?

[Tracey]

Hi Waffler

BIG BIG BIG decision. You'll make which ever path you choose work because you care and you're thinking deeply about it. Good luck for your future as parents or not.

Kind regards

Tracey

[shirlthegirl43]

, but I have never regretted it (not for more than a couple of minutes at any one time anyway ),

That reminds me of the day when the health visitor arrived to check on mk2 son and found me sitting on the doorstep with a cigarette in each hand -

Health visitor - 'mrs R - are you aware your baby is crying?'
Me - yes
HV - 'why are you out here?'
Me - if I was in there he would be dead
HV - 'if you are aware of that then it is okay' mk2 son did not sleep a full night between conception and 2 years old - be warned.

Mk1 son on the other hand slept through from 3 weeks old.

They are all different and all bring their own rewards (etc). Love them both and would prolly go back and have them again.

[pigletwillie]

mk2 son did not sleep a full night between conception and 2 years old - be warned.

Is it me???

[shirlthegirl43]

Is it me???

Oh dear, I give up, shouldn't type when tired and emotional. Sorry folks. Piglet, please feel free to erase my post.

[Hazel at the Hill]

Love them both and would prolly go back and have them again.

Made me smile, Shirl! I suspect that the health visitor these days would not be quite so laid back....

And you don't sound entirely sure about doing it all again!

[shirlthegirl43]

Don't I? Maybe it has been a long day Nah, the cuddles are well worth everything else ('cept maybe the smelly socks). Boy do I hate socks

Apparently being aware that you could do them harm is okay. It is when you think you are coping but you aren't that it gets dangerous.

[MrsC]

would not be without them! adore them, love them, would die for them, but that's me, i love it! each to their own that's all i can say, no matter what anyone tells you or whatever you see, hear or do around kids, it will never fully prepare you, it's your choice, i think you know deep down if you want to or not, take care x

[beefy]

would not be without them! adore them, love them, would die for them, but that's me, i love it! each to their own that's all i can say, no matter what anyone tells you or whatever you see, hear or do around kids, it will never fully prepare you, it's your choice, i think you know deep down if you want to or not, take care x

Could not have put it better if I had tried Mrsc2b.
Its one of those things that you just know one way or the other and no amount of pressure from inlaws or friends should make you change your mind.

[Alison]

Never wanted kids but always assumed that by the time I got to my mid-30s that I'd hear that clock ticking and go for it - it never happened and we're more than happy with things the way they are. We are child free (rather than childless) by choice and get very annoyed when people tell us that we are missing out, it's our choice and nothing to do with any friends or family (they'd know who they were if they read this forum!!!!). Sorry but it really gets my goat, we don't hate kids and spend lots of time with god children, neices, nephews etc etc but it's not for us. Good luck to anybody that wants them in their life but as some of the posts above have hinted at, what's good for one isn't necessarily good for another.

[moggssue]

This is definitely an 'each to their own' kind of question. I have chosen not to have children, but OH has two from a previous relationship and we see a lot of them. I love spending time with them, but it hasn't changed my mind on wanting my own, neither has the 'clock' made any difference (I'm 45), I just think I was born without a maternal cell in my body! But to those who do have them, great on you, the population would soon shrink without you! Not a decision to be taken lightly, but definitely a decision to be taken on a very personal level.

[HeyWayne]

Part of the reason for me wanting to have children is that I don't believe babies can be as small as they are and end up like me. That said, I found a photo recently of me at three days old, being held by my cousin. But whoever said the camera never lies hadn't used photoshop before!

Personally, I'm in no rush to have children, but if it happened tomorrow I wouldn't be disappointed (apart from having to cancel the holiday). Fore sure it'd change our life, but what better reason can you have for changing your life than creating another?

We have a number of friends with small children, and my cousin has two little girls (one at 4, the other just over a year). His wife was amazed at how much attention and time we gave the children when they visited us last summer. A lot of their friends act as if the children aren't there!?!

I seem to have an affinity with small children and babies - they seem to gravitate to me. They often go quiet when I pick them up, and we've always put that down to lack of oxygen when they get to my altitude.

I've (well, actually my mother-in-law) already picked out the pushchair. It's got an iPod connection and everything: Icoo Pico Ipod by Hauck

[SarzWix]

I love my kids, but, my Mum never bothered to sit me down and explain about Post-Natal-Depression, which is historic in my family. If I had known that I would spend something like 4 years in a fog of misery (until 2nd son was about 18 months old), then another 6 months after my daughter was born, I probably wouldn't have started - horrible for me, 20 times worse for them. #1 son is having counselling now, to try & cope with problems caused by years of being alternately hugged & cried over, or demented yelling.
For heavens sake, everyone thinking of having kids, check your family history of depression/random mentalness, and that your parents are interested in being grandparents/your siblings in being aunties & uncles. I have just had my first night with no kids in 13 years over New Year, because none of my family were interested in helping out before the kids were old enough to look after themselves.

Yeah, so in summary, it's not so much the damage kids might do to your life, but rather the damage you might do to theirs...

[Tracey]

Before and during my first pregnancy I was terrified of having a disabled child and during my second I was terrified of having twins. I didn't but it could have happend and I don't think I could have coped but would have had to.

Kind regards
Tracey

[Alison]

I have just had my first night with no kids in 13 years over New Year, because none of my family were interested in helping out before the kids were old enough to look after themselves.

Why should they, they're not their children and it's the parents responsibility to look after them which is one of the reasons we don't want any. Seriously though, I do take your point about a good support network, must be a great help but there is obviously a difference between support and people that don't face up to their own responsibilities. It annoys me when you get people (I'm not knocking anybody here, I promise ) who dump their kids on the grandparents or whoever and carry on like they are still foot loose and fancy free - OH's brother and his wife did this with their first one, dropped her off at OH's mum's every day before 8 in the morning without a change of clothes or nappies half the time and didn't pick her up until tea time. Paid her about £35 a week and didn't think that was taking advantage - really annoyed me and OH as it was causing a lot of problems to OH's mum who wasn't in the first flush of youth and on her own.

[Waffler]

Thanks guys! Helpful as ever.
I shall show these posts to hubby as food for thought!