Why have kids?

[SarzWix]

...then she had a son, who is now 5 (girl is 12) when I came home from a recent visit I cried. The children were either shouted at or ignored it was awfull, the girl was doing most of the housework but got no respect or thanks it was like she was just an inconvienient slave and the boy wasnt treated any better.

Sounds like classic Post Natal Depression to me Yo, doesn't necessarily hit with the first. She probably needs some help - counselling/pills/a big self-esteem boost. Unfortunately, part of the condition/problem makes you dangerously self-obsessed, but in a very negative way, and without help/support/medication, it becomes a part of your personality & you feel like this is how you really are and always have been. Nasty, nasty, nasty. If you asked her, she'd probably tell you she's "FINE".... I still struggle with it now, it takes a long, long time to dig your self-respect out of the pit it gets buried in. And if you can't respect yourself...?! I'm a VERY lucky girl that my OH has seen his Ma going through the same thing & has stuck with me. I put him through sh1t for too long. (And big ((HUGS)) to Beefy for sticking with his Missus through it too)
As I said, it is hereditary, so you can have warning that it might happen, & prepare the midwife/health visitor to look out for it. In my case, my Mum didn't get hit with it til she had my little sister (3rd child), my Nan had it when she had my mum (no treatment in those days though) and my Great-Great Grandmother was actually locked in a mental hospital in Northumberland for what is now known as Puerperal Psychosis. My big sister also had 2 bouts of PND (both kids).
My daughter (aged 7) is already being gently taught about the problem, and my little sis (25) has pretty much decided not to bother having any kids so as to stop the dodgy gene-pool!
Oh, and as to Social Services & the NSPCC, I never dared to ask for help from either, they petrified me thinking they'd take the kids away. Suicide seemed like a better option most of the time. In fact, not getting a break from the kids, ever, probably saved my life - I couldn't do it in front of them...

[JanieB]

I had a place at University and a chance of a promising career in medicine and absolutely no plans to have children.

I had a pill failure and married the dad. I wasn't then and still am not particularly maternal. Other peoples children do not interest me. BUT the second I saw my son I was deeply and completely in love . And I feel exactly the same about my other two children and my grandchildren.

I eventually got to University in my forties, be it all in Business Studies and IT.

I don't know if I would have had children by choice and I suspect not. It taught me humility as, as a family, we do tend to be a bit arrogant.

[Farmer_Gyles]

being a single parent who works and takes kids to footy and cubs and guides and god knows what else isn't always easy - i work in the daytime, then when the kids come home from school it's the mad rush to cook and eat and go footy training or whatever and then get them into bed - homework and housework need to be squeezed in somewhere - so it's essential that the kids help out a bit with housework etc - if they don't help then i certainly won't have the time to run them around everywhere or go to work

my kids are very good and helpful - they run the hoover round, do the dishwasher, etc etc - my daughter has recently taken to washing clothes without being asked to - they do their own ironing and my daughter earns extra pocket money by doing some of mine too - i do get the odd grumble sometimes, normally from my son who just wants to play footy with his mates, but i never have to shout at them or anything

and one day they'll be out in the big wide world and daddy certainly isn't gonna go round their houses to do their housework! i want my kids to be independent and capable of looking after themselves - i hope i'm doing it right!

[Flummery]

Dads are great - I still miss mine.

[yoanbob]

Sounds like classic Post Natal Depression to me Yo,

I dont think so, this is a new thing, she was fine after the second child, I spent a week there when he was 4 weeks and they were so besotted with each other (mother and child) and I have stayed with them since and things were great, she had time for the kids and played with them, it seems that now they arnt so cute she has just gone off them somehow, I know she loves them but I'm not so sure the kids know, and shes talking about having another.
I suffer from depression myself its a side effect of a condition I have and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy, Luckilly I have now learned to recognise the symptoms and i get help, I'm sure if she had depression I would have picked it up.

I have nothing against children doing there share its an essential part of growing up, I did it and if I have children they will too, but this was different, she did most of the housework and then was ignored, quite litrally, unless she made herself heard and then she was shouted at, you wouldnt catch her mum making her tea let alone running her to guides, she would be too busy making sure her little brother had clean pants for school to think about guides anyway.

Oh and she wasnt allowed to use the phone either, not to call out or to give the number to her friends, shes not allowed to pick it up it has to go to answerphone even if its me ringing for a chat or her gran. Its not a punishment thing its always been like that.