Coming home - advice please....!?!?!

[madmax]

Grapes... can any of you offer poor old Maxxie some advice please?

A while ago Dobby asked for some from yoos guys and he got a lot of sound help. Hopefully I can read your input and come to a decision as Dobby did.

As you are all aware by now, I travel a lot. I have been doing this for some 9 years now and while Shirley, the boys and I have been to some great places and have had wonderful adventures but now we feel that this path has come to an end and I should return home. Not just because of Shirley's health, but 'cos we miss each other sooooo much and the kids really want a stay at home dad now. The mobile telecomms consultant rates have dropped by some 30-50% due to Eastern European contractors coming into the market and cutting rates and bean counters running companies now. Basically, the financial rewards are just not there and it is not worth me being away from my family any more (in reality it never has been). All the vine members have helped me realise there is more to life than a 42" plasma and a new BMW sitting in the drive. And I thank you all for this. There is so much pleasure derived from the simple things in life. Like planting your own food, watching it grow, observing the strange habits of chickens, digging over the garden and comparing the lengths of worms one finds, watching the birds come down to the feeders and eat...

So, my last contract here comes to an end on June 30th. But I really am fatigued by all the stress of air travel, renting homes when I work away, goodbyes, contracts and suchlike. My mum works in a residential care home as a carer and while the money is essentially not too great (c.£5/hr - some 20% of my current rate) she might well be able to get me a temporary job there until I find something more suited to my IT career locally. We will maybe struggle a bit, but Shirls often does some work for her Dad, I sell a few cars when I am home (not often enuff...) so hopefully we will get by.

If I stick this last 3 months of this contract we can clear off some small debt but I really feel that 3 months is now toooo much to ask. So Grapes, if my mum can help me take a short term carers job, should I just bite the bullet, say "Sod it all", and just come home to smiles, cuddles and a loving home but face the financial hardship. My heart tells me to follow this road. My head says "Stay contracting".

There are no telecomms and few IT opportunities in Pembrokeshire and salaries are quite low (we do have to consider cash flow!) and we do not really want to move away. I miss Shirley and the boys more than words can ever say and this time she has been off line has only exacerbated the problem. I am flying home again on the 23rd for 11 days. So we will naturally look at our options in more detail then, but in the meantime I really am feeling like I am in a trap.

What to do - Pleeeeeeeeease help a confused Madmax!

[Seahorse]

Go home.

Life is too short and unpredictable not to make the most of what you have. As long as you've got a roof over your heads and something to eat, the rest will sort itself out.

[scared55]

PM on its way

KK

[smallblueplanet]

Go home.

Life is too short and unpredictable not to make the most of what you have. As long as you've got a roof over your heads and something to eat, the rest will sort itself out.

..........

[zazen999]

Hi
Come home

Join MSE forum for ways of cutting the spend and the debts:

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/

It sounds like you have made your mind up anyway...

[Paul Wagland]

Just wanted to say good luck in whatever you choose to do (I would move back home, no question in my mind). Also, IT is surely full of freelance opportunities? Can you work from home as some kind of consultant? FTP and email allow me to work for people all over the country.

One other thing to consider is... you can write pretty well! Why not call some IT mag editors and see if they are interested in submissions? Diversifying is easy if you can get in the mindset, and variety is a good way to keep your income secure and your life interesting.

Don't bother about the shiny new BMW, just buy an old banger with a bit of character and you will come to love it much more.

[carlseawolf]

hi max,
when i was fishing i was in the same boat as you with the work / home life and as you say the money was great at the time and the lifestyle that it brought you was enjoyable , all these sound and will be enjoyable memories for years to come.
Please don't rush into a desision as it may prove costly in the long run , I personally think you should see out your contract untill the end then come home to your familyand start a new life.
The reason for this way of doing it is straight forward ,

first you need to end this part of your life on a happy note and cutting it short might make you think what if

second you need the money to get your small debts out the way before you settle down to your new life and allthough you and your family have been together many years it's a diffrent kettle of fish when your home full time so you don't want the pressure of money problems to cause tension.

third , this will be a life change so embrace it and what it stands for this may mean a cheaper car to run less holidays a year or things along those lines as the money is going to be less in pembrokeshire so releasing the finamncial pressures will make it easier.

fourth , a job in a res / nursing home is a great idea and i used to do it myself but if it's not your cup of tea then look for something you would like to do not because it's the first job your offered because if your not happy then what's the point of been there .

fifth , plan it as well as you can so your life change will work and try to iron out as many creases as you can before it starts because if it goes wrong and you have to return to your present career then you will regret it .

sixth , I'm talking from experance on this one as i was married for 10 years and was divorced within 3 years of coming home.

what ever your choice enjoy it and have a good life !

p.s don't go looking back at what you had save those stories for your grandchildren.

[TPeers]

I'm in with everyone else - come home. The kids only grow-up once, don't miss it.

Can you convert your telecomms experience to some form of web based hosting service? Bit of a leap I agree.

Good luck

Terry

[Minty]

Hi MM. I would whole heartedly chuck it all and come home. How you do it i don`t know and i admire you for it. The idea of being away from my two boys for that lenght of time would kill me.
I hit the "Sod it all" button about 5 years ago and stopped chasing the promotion,climing the ladder ETC and was at the time bringing home a good salary. AND GUESS WHAT ? nobody died.
Ask yourself, would the situation be any different if you were made redundant/contract not renewed.........As long as you have the support of your loving wife and kids in whatever you do(I went from senior management to Pizza delivery driver)then you need no more.
Sometimes when you have been doing a certain job for such a long time it can feel like the world would end should the job not be there anymore, but certainly for me i didn`t.
Minty

[Minty]

a huge high-five to you Minty hun

I have always been a job snob and suffered with 'oh gawd I couldn't just be a [whatever] - not any more!

Thanks Piskie. It realy was the best thing i ever did, i get to see my kids grow up now and that you can`t get back.

[TPeers]

Having cleaned loos to make ends meet - I am very happy being a pampered housewife!

If the pay no longer compensates for the hours or the lose of home life - it is time to think long and hard, but be reallistic - can you convert what you do to something which is home based and/or better hours even if the money is not as good?

Could you stomach working in a mobile phone shop? Marketing rather than technical. Can your skills convert to installing home cinema systems or home satalite dishes - the hours might not be good but at least it would be the same bed each night! Do you have or could you cross train to become an electrician? I've never met a poor one!

Think outside the box!

And best of luck

Terry

[everdream78]

I say sod it - you're only here once (if you don't believe in reincarnation that is!), life's not a dress rehearsal, work to live not live to work <insert choice of appropriate adage here>

I've made some tough decisions in my life, not always for the best, but I don't regret a single thing - it's made me happier in the long run

Good luck whatever you decide - perhaps think outside the box for a career change?

[JanieB]

Can't work out the "multi-quote" thingy . I jumped off the ladder 20 years ago. Hasn't all been plain sailing but, I have more free time to spend with my family,friends and a social life with people I want to be with rather than have to be with.

I've cleaned pubs, worked behind bars and counters, I can't get jobs in supermarkets 'cos they say I'm "overqualified" but can't get jobs using my qualifications (just 'cos). But I can always get work. It pays the bills and keeps me outa mischief.

Wot I'm saying is, I'd rather be at home where my family is, than abroad where they ain't. Trust me, I've been there.

[madmax]

Guys an Gals, thank you all so much for taking the time to read, think about and write/type your responses. I do not like airing personal issues too loudly, but this is a biggee. Not only for me - but the whole family. Piskie - you have met us (sorry 'bout that babes!) and you saw my reaction to the thought of moving away to NL. I am not keen on it as we will have to sell our home in the UK and I do not want Shirls all stressed up by it - there is MK1's college to consider as well. He is 1/2 way thru' his A levels...

Ericsson here in NL have shown a desire for me to stay with them at the end of the contract, go permy and relocate the family. I am not so sure. We have lived in Holland before (I am 1/2 Dutch), en ik spreek de taal (!)

Historically I started contracting in NL when I was directly involved in the building of the Dutchtone (to become Orange NL) mobile phone network. It would be fitting if this were to be my last contract as T-Mobile NL have bought Orange and will soon be dismantling the Orange NL network. So I was here for the conception, birth and I will be here for the last breaths of the network. A sad thing really.

My IT and telecom experience is more hardware, commissioning, s/w loading, testing and optimising of the radio system than direct s/w use and/or code. If an operator has a mobile network problem, chances are I can pin point the fault before even using any laptops and maintenance tools.

I have to give 4 weeks notice and I have applied for a local job in Neyland as an EPOS installation engineer with a company called Haven Systems. So hopefully in 6 weeks or so I could well be back home in the arms of my family again. However, should I not be successful I really have no desire to be here any more. Purely because of the reward v's separation issue. This is why I thought of just taking another job as a temporary means of supporting the finances I have built up (and that is just within 4 figures!) until I find something more suited to my skills(like an EPOS installation engineer!)

Financially, it costs £1600 per month to remain here working (rent, sustinence, flights, fuel). We need £1600 per month to live back home. And I earn £3800 per month... So while these figures might seem large, the are effectively leaving me a saving amount of £600 per month. So you see - it really isn't worth it any more.

A carer can earn £700 per month, I can make a bit of profit from selling a few cars (a hobby of mine) and Shirls can earn a bob or two... I think we can survive. Indeed I am going to take an electricians course at the college and retrain. But all the sparkies round our way are not prepared to take an apprentice as they know fine well in 3 years that apprentice will be competition for them And I need an apprenticeship to qualify and get certified. See the problem?

I care little for the 42" plasma, the BM in the drive (I drive a 22 year old Rover SD1, E277 DPG - do a web search on this number!) and my wife drives her dream car so we are sorted there Paul W! My true pleasure comes from sharing the smiles, cuddles and hugs (even having to eating beans on toast 4 times a week!) with my wife and two sons. I measure wealth in health and happiness - not akkas in the bank!

Shirley is fully supportive of me just packing the stuff I have here up, starting the old V8 up and rolling home, no more having to endure the whine of turbines accelerating me away from home for a pittance.

So again thank you people - I go home for 11 days next week and we shall see what happens. Still feel free to post your thoughts and ideas as they are all helpful, positive and realistic. You folks are all gems and I just wish the rest of the world were as golden. But then I wouldn't appreciate you lot would I?

Here endeth the chapter!

[smallblueplanet]

So again thank you people - I go home for 11 days next week and we shall see what happens. Still feel free to post your thoughts and ideas as they are all helpful, positive and realistic.....
Here endeth the chapter!

So then, now you've expressed a wish to stay 'home' with shirlthegirl43 and sprogs, I guess I'm wondering what's stopping you?