Couch Aphids.

[bluemoon]

Sorry, but it's back to the saga of my sitting-room. Supposedly ready for Christmas 2006, I am pleased to report that it was finally finished for Easter 2008. Yeeeey!

Unfortunately I now have an infestation of couch aphids (Latin; Daughterus boyfriendii) I've had this problem before and tried all the usual organic solutions; banning computer consoles, the no pizzas rule and, of course, refusal to have sports channels. Non of it worked and in the end I had to resort to the extreme measure of paying for a wedding, I really don't want to go that route again for a while. As a species Daughterus boyfriendii tends to speak in numbers, as in; 'We were winning three one at half time.' and 'It's eight litre, 16 valve, 23 thousand miles on the clock' A real pain in the bum when you're trying to count the stitches on your knitting. I've tried DDT (constantly saying Don't Do That), but they just stay put and sulk. Any suggestions gratefully received. Thanks.

[Headfry]

Fantastic! very well written lol

[Seahorse]

Oooh, sounds nasty!

Have you tried the traditional solution of a sharp pinch between finger and thumb?

[MrsBond]

I have this problem frequently and have found a failsafe way to clear the pests out of any given room at any given time.

Myself and MrB stand right in view of the pests, and declare in a very determined voice that it is time for naked housework, naked television watching, naked computer games or whatever activity we choose.

In a very uncharacteristic way, the pests disappear at top speed, normally mumbling "ewwwww" or "yuk!" or "that is just wrong!"

If they are a little slow on their feet, we will start to unrobe, normally managing to get a sock off before they are completely gone.

Job well done, we can then sit in peace (fully clothed of course)

MrsB x

[kirsty b]

Genius!!

[yoanbob]

or you could try the, no tv at all, "we will henceforth all engage in meaningfull conversation" then launch in to somthing along the lines of, whats your opinion on the rise of sexually transmitted diseases in young people? or whats your opinion on the current political situation in the middle east.

other than that take your shoes off and chase them out with your smelly socks! lol

[Cutecumber]

I believe that "classical music" is recommended as a control for that particular couch aphid and is available from all good HMV outlets. Make sure it is applied regularly when you can see the aphid as they actually need to hear it quite loudly. Strictly speaking it is not really an aphicide, but rather an irritant which usually makes them move elsewhere.