Where do I get Kevlar?

[TPeers]

My daft cat has been in a fight

He now has a huge hole in his side - about 2" in diametre. The vet has suggested that I should bathe this wound, which is an excelent idea only she 'forgot' to de-claw an de-tooth Crunchy who is not in the mood to be polite!

So.... where can I get hold of kevlar body armour? I love my cat but not to the extent of loosing a limb or an eye to him. Yes, yes I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, and he is very sorry he bit me but it HURTS! (and I don't just mean his flank)

Terry

[Madasafish]

Body Armor Bulletproof Kevlar Second Chance SWAT Vest on eBay, also Armour, Surplus Equipment, Militaria, Collectables (end time 18-Apr-08 11:45:00 BST)

[piskieinboots]

when I met Snowdrop in Gibraltar in 1991 - I wanted to impress him, for impress read show off ...anyway, after a night on the pop I agreed to 'go in a dog suit' (he was a Police Dog Handler in those days, still is)

Next day, with hang-over, I got more than a little panicky - the idea was I would play the criminal and the RAF police dog would be released to catch me just in the name of practise you understand.....

I was 8stone dripping wet in those days, the dog (snarling GSD) was 9stone, I dressed up in 'the suit' and ran away as a crim would, for run away read waddled away cos the suit is just perfect for your needs!!

RAF Coppa Dog Handler shouted 'Halt Air Force put your hands up or I will shoot' (the shot is the que for nice doggy to get me) nice doggy came after me, lunged at my shoulder from behind and 'gently' took my arm in his mouth and made like a rag doll with me......
....perfect for your needs as I say

[TPeers]

Do I have to have the dog as well?

[piskieinboots]

I guess the dog could always be used to distract Crunchy Bar whilst you do the biz

[TPeers]

An interesting picture!

I just wish I knew where the attack cat lived - no collar! Bleepin' creap attacked me too - thank heavens I was wearing jeans or I'd have been in a right mess.

[mrs dog]

It could have been my old lad spooking while stop a good game just cos' you've gone to that big house up there. Not a vet would touch him.They knicknamed him attack cat and demon spawn but I loved him anyway. I used to put prawns in front of him along with some very good cheddar (he knew if you tried to fob him off! Then I used to rugby tackle him with a pillow case, my x's biking gloves and a towel then the game begins!!

[TPeers]

He was very polite about his pill this morning but it looks like I will need to pin him down to clean the gash this evening.

Doubled bath sheet and gardening gloves it is then........

ho hum......

[beefy]

How to give a cat a pill

How to Give A Cat A Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[Digger-07]

Try wrapping the beast in a towel with the bit you need to wash exposed. If you can keep all its legs wrapped up at least most of the sharp bits are under control.

[Tracey]

Beefy, that's sooo funny and true.

Tracey

[Wormcast]

kevlar

i still have a piece of mine from my days in the army if its any help

[Wormcast]

Kevlar

Have had much experience in this and the scars to prove it! Get cat in half nelson position - three submissions and one pinfall - the cat wins!!

Regards
Wormcast's wife

[bluemoon]

My daughter had to take her cat to the vets the other week as they thought he'd been hit by a car. I looked after her kids and when she returned the cat was covered in blood. It seems though that the cat had only received a slight knock, badly bruised, the blood was my daughter's. Poor old Bob had turned completely psycho as soon as the vet touched him. When he went back for a check-up she wrapped him completely in an old coat with just the injured leg protruding. It worked, sort of, he still got in one or two good scratches though.

[mrs dog]

Beefy I love it! I once spent several very long hours in casualty after one of the dogs dared to venture into Garfs bedroom. We slept there to but knew our place! All the staff came up one by one crying with laughing at my broken toe ( done when I fell ouf of bed in shock after garf ripped my nose open on his way past to get the d dog! I was there for stitching my nose together! I still look as if someone has drawn a line down it and that was years ago. Ah happy days.