How far would you go to help your kids

[jackie j]

My eldest sister and brother-in -law have recently lost everything because they remortgaged to help their son after he went bankrupt. They are now living in rented accommodation at the age when they should be retiring as they have now been declared bankrupt. My BIL has contemplated suicide twice and is very depressed he has worked hard all his life and now this.
I have 5 kids and I help them when I can but not to the extent of making myself homeless as this means I wouldn't be able to put a roof over their heads should I need to. One of my sons lived with us for a year when his marriage broke up.
My sister has two kids and now she cant help her daughter if she should need it.
If I cant do it for all my kids I don't do it for any of them, this would apply if I only had two kids.
My sister knows I'm angry with her but it was their choice and I love them to bits and will always support them both.
This was all going on when my other sister was dying of cancer.

[Novice Gardener]

I'd give my kids the seat of my pants if they needed it. I can see where you're coming from when you say "if I can't do it all my kids I don't do it for any of them", but its not something I'd live by. If one of my kids needed say £10k and I had £10k, I wouldn't say no, cos I can't give the same amount to the others. It must be a huge strain for all of you, but I imagine they'd be grateful for you just being a shoulder to cry on and pop the kettle on for them.

[janeyo]

I honestly don't know what I would do, at the moment both my children are treated the same. In fact even the cats have to have the same!
But I guess I won't know til I am ever put (hopefully not) in that situation.

janeyo

[kirsty b]

Ooh, thats a hard one and I really feel for you all. Steve was declared bankrupt about 5 years ago and we had to sell (rather than have them repossess and sell it for peanuts) the house we lived in, came very close to having to go in B&B. The stress nearly split us up, but thankfully its behind us now, and we have no desire to ever go there again, whatever the reason.
If it came to it, we would just have a houseful, let them stay with us until they got sorted and ready to go their own way again.
I do hope things get better for them.

[Polly Fouracre]

I would give my life for them,but I would not get into debt for them!

[Alice]

What a sad story Jackie J. I would do anything to help the children - but not remortgage the house. Better to keep the roof so that they can live with you than risk the roof over everybodies head . That's just not sensible. However, what's done is done, and everybody has to find the best way forward. I do hope their son will do what he can to help them.

[mtoyne]

God what an awful situation. My kids are only 2 and 9 but there is no way i would ever go bancrupy for them. They can live with us for as long as they want, and come back if they need to. I left home at 17 as things were difficult at home, i spent a few years making a mess of my life before settling down. I really want my kids to feel they can stay as long as they like but i want them to save money while they are with us as getting on the property ladder now seems like a nightmare. How many peole in their 20's can afford 140k?

[jackie j]

Don't get me wrong If I had the money to help them I would but i haven't and I help where I can. My boys are struggling like most kids in their 20's the eldest is in rented accommodation that he and his girlfriend were going to live in together, but split after the first week so he has ended up with all the bills, as he has a dog its difficult to find anywhere cheaper, most rents around here are £700 or more if you want anything decent. My third son lived with us for just over a year and payed us £25 a week so he could save a deposit for a rented place the charge for a security check was £300 ( it doesn't cost that much ) plus one and a half months deposit plus one months rent on the day he moved in ( £2000 in all ) plus furniture all second hand. I t was hard for us when we were younger but its even harder for kids now.