you know your a gardener when....

[Shortie]

I mean, it's like looking at wrapping paper but not the presents

Oh Nick you do make me laugh, I missed you went you were away for a bit

[SueA]

My O.H. doesn't like going into underwear shops with me Nick, he gets a bit 'hot under the collar'!
Alice, I went all 'girlie' because 'Titch' is one of my heroes & I came over all shy when I actually met him (don't find him very fanciable, just pleasant!)

[Lozzie]

... your plant collection rivals that of the Eden Project.
... when you hear about a balanced diet, your thoughts turn to nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium.
... you could talk about human diseases with no problem, but the word "mosaic virus" sends shivers down your spine.
... you buy seeds/plants while on holiday and bring them back as souvenirs. (Guilty as charged! One of the things I brought back from Devon was a nice looking double Busy Lizzie. I blame my father, since he bought one too!)
... you can tell what variety a fruit or vegetable is just by looking at it.
... you have a special time slot every evening just to go slug hunting.
... those chlorophyll stains on your clothes and fingers just won't come out.
... you know that wine isn't just made from grapes.
... your friends and family can always expect baskets of homegrown fruit and veg for their birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc. (Yummy!)
... the word "ho" only makes you think of a gardening instrument.
... the song "Beans, Beans The Musical Fruit" annoys you because, technically speaking, beans are legumes, not fruit!

[Squirrel]

Went on holiday to Yorkshire last year for a week. About two hours after leaving home, stopped for tea and to take a break. Spotted a Mahonia that was for sale. Needless to say it travelled all the way around Yorkshire with us, causing many exclamations of pain as she 'bit' us! She has been named Andrea (for no particular reason - just looks like one) and is now growing happily in the front garden!

[Andrew in Cardiff]

you know your a gardener when....
you have constantly black fingernails and a new respect for the smell of decomposing vegetation in the burning sun.
am i on my own here?

[DrBill]

...when on holiday your touring caravan has a container garden outside the door as a result of all the plants you've bought on your travels.

...You spend the first weekend of your holiday at Gardener's World Live at the NEC

[Lozzie]

you know your a gardener when....
you have constantly black fingernails and a new respect for the smell of decomposing vegetation in the burning sun.
am i on my own here?

Nope, you're in good company. I like the smell of compost in the mornin'!

[catbud]

Your boyfriend gives you the nickname Ellen Titchmarsh!!!

[Weavie]

when you tell the kids to keep their feet off the seats of your brand new car and then bung bags of compost on them (the seats not the kids!)
chat up the dustbin men to leave you extra bin-liners whilst imagining tucking into those Xmas spuds. Chat up the carpet layers to give you all the spare underlay for your brassica, and chat up the builders for any spare guttering that's hanging around. To think I used to be a respectable career person. So much happier now complete with muck under fingernails!

[andrewo]

when you compost in your pockets or are caught by loved ones smelling your compost...

[ilex]

You know you're a gardener when the most interesting bit of gossip you have is about your vegetable patch.
ilex

[Lozzie]

... you talk about your "spotted anaemic d**k" in everyday conversation.

[nick the grief]

I hope it gets better soon Lozzie - you can get cream for it....I prefer custard

[Lesley Jay]

Lozzie - not everyday conversation surely?

[Slug]

OK LJ...... so not everyday conversation, but we were talking about it in our household the other evening - and of course.... I HAD to google to see what came up...!! Ooer... not literally!!

But anyway... you know you're a gardener when you go into your desk job every day with disgusting fingernails because you get up... have a shower... then go for an innocent early morning nose around the garden (sporting a lovely dressing gown & towel on your head!). You then proceed to start digging around and pulling up weeds when you really should be getting ready for work!!

And it all starts so innocently when you spy a rogue weed and think - I'll just pull that one.... and before you know it you're filthy, have cleared a bed of weeds, and have to go to work in a mad rush!