Mixed feelings...sister has had her baby

[Finedon.Dandy]

My sister had yet another quick delivery last night. As I predicted the little devil kept her waiting 9 days past estimated due date (his sister was 9 days early) but didnt even let her get out of the car and into the labour ward!

I feel very happy for them but feel very tearful and low. Knew I would feel like this as I felt the same when my neice was born 6 weeks after my first miscarriage but it still feels wrong to be feeling what can only be called jealousy I supose. My estimated due date of miscarriage no two was three weeks ago (and so I cannot help wondering "what if") or I would have been 4 months with the other one. Poor Hannah and Daniel have been smothered with love and cuddles this morning - bet Hannah will be glad to get to school but Daniel cant escape to playschool till this afternoon.

I had already decided not to do my volunteer stint of storytime at the school today as the housework got behind yesterday with Daniel not being well so I may decide just to veg instead for a couple of hours.

Sorry for being so negative - I really will try and so want to be happy

"Auntie" Tammy

[jackie j]

Congratulations on becoming an Auntie and I'm sure in time you will love this baby and not feel any jealousy. Give your two extra hugs they won't mind and won't really understand why. Take time for your emotions to heal, be supportive to your sister in whatever way you can. Don't do what my ex husbands family did when in laws lost a four year old, six weeks after my 3rd son was born which was to ignore him untill he was 3 years old when i had son no 4.
Im sure everything will be ok, Its ok for you to feel like this and your sister is probably feeling a bit guilty. Dont leave it too long before you see the baby have a cuddle and a cry with your sister.
Love to you

[di]

I think it's totolly understandable how you're feeling,but if you can let go of the guilt you'll be 1 step closer to happiness.as jackie said before dont delay in seeing your sister,shes probably feeling awkward for you,& im sure the best you can do is both be open about your feelings,have a good cry together if its what you need & most importantly support each other through the tough times.as regards to over cuddling your children..is that possible?!?best wishes to you.xx

[percy charlie]

hello finedon.dandy, i hope to maybe lift your mood a little.
i had a misscarriage after a road accident and the misscarriage nearly killed me, i then had bleeding problems, infections and wondered if i would end up unable to conceive but did have a successful pregnancy after and lovely little girl, i had a second misscarriage after that but not a life threatning one. one of my close friends had 5 misscarriages before getting pregnant with her 1st child and another 3 misscarriages before getting pregnant with her 2nd child she now has 2 little girls. if you misscarry 3 times in a row your doctor should refer you for tests to find out why as there are some treatments to prevent further ones once they know why. dont give up my friend didnt and got 2 little girls i didnt give up and got a little one. it is heart breaking to lose a baby, but dont give up, once successful the what ifs and jelousy will pass i promise, i wish you lots of luck.

[SueA]

Hi Tammy, it's only natural to feel bad at a time like this, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure your sister understands, have a good cry when you see them, it can be tears of joy as well as sadness, hopefully the joy will overcome the pain eventually.

[BarleySugar]

I was on the other end of this situation when my second son was born. My sister-in-laws sister had had a successful prgnancy and our firstborns were within a week of each other. The we both fell pregnant again with in 4 weeks of each other. Sam unfortunatley didn't make it, due to breathing difficulties, wheras my son, born with a hole in the heart that was very slow to close, did pull through. We met at my mother-in-laws funeral when my son was 6 weeks old, a difficult time for us all. She just held out her arms and took my son, while we both howled our eys out. Afterwards, she said that was the moment she really she accepted what had happened, but the grieving goes on. A couple more years down the line she had a healthy daughter, but that bond between us, forged at such a difficult time is still strong.
Tammy, you are still grieving, and that will take time, but make sure you get to know and cuddle the little one, for your sake as well as your sisters. It will be worth it.