Macmillan nurses problem

[tootles]

Everything I have ever heard about Macmillan nurses has been good. Until now. My father-in-law has terminal cancer. He is extremely unwell and has been in a nd out of hospital and hospices for the last few weeks. Macmillan nurses have treated my mother-in-law dreadfully. No-one will help her, she is nearly 70 and is expected to cope entirely on her own. Addenbrokes hospital were even worse. Addenbrokes sent my father-in-law home from his last stay in his pyjamas, they wouldn't even help my mother-in-law to take him to the car. She had to push the wheelchair to the entrance, leave him there while she got the car, and then lift him into the car by herself (aged 70). Macmillan nurses have now been saying that someone will visit for weeks. They lie. If they really are too busy, then perhaps it would be better to simply say so. They make appointments that they don't keep and my poor mother-in-law is desperate. At this rate when they do turn up it will be too late. Social services, on the other hand, have been marvellous. Somebody calls or visits almost every day. But what she really NEEDS is a visit from a macmillan nurse. My mother-in-law doesn't know much about the disease, she doesn't know what to look for, and she doesn't want to be alone at the end. All she wants is a bit of help, support and information so she can call for help at the right time - and make sure that her children are nearby.
I am shocked by the way she has been treated - and hope that she gets the help and support the needs and deserves soon.

[Pootle]

I'm so sorry that your in-laws are having such a terrible time. Like you, I've only ever heard good things about Macmillan nurses, our neighbour found them fantastic just recently when both of her parents have had cancer and her mother (sadly) passed away. They have continued supporting the family throughout.

Is there a hospice nearby (I used to live in Cambridge but have been away for some years now) who would be able to help? The hospice nurses around here are fantastic - bringing equipment and support in to the home for those who would rather be at home than in hospital or a hospice.

I do hope you find the support your family needs - our best wishes to all of you.

[Starchild]

We had a bad experience with Macmillian nurse. He would come in...look at my late father and say "well he's not got long now has he" right there in front of him.
I tried to contact Marie Curie but unfortunately where we were living their nearest nurse was too far away, but she gave me great help over the phone.

[willowstar]

that is horrible. only thing I can think of is for you or your mum to call your dad's GP and his consultant oncologist. stress the urgency and they should be able to help especially the Gp who can get the community nurses involved. sometimes people slip through the net and the only thing you can do is make a bit of a fuss and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. good luck I hope you get it resolved so that your mum is supported at this time.

[Headfry]

I am so sorry to read the above messages. My love and hugs to you all, sorry but its all I have to give, the love and hugs are very ,very sincere though and from my heart.

[di]

Tootles,I'm also really sorry to read your problems.Unfortunately I think as with so many things nowadays the big problem is due to funding.My nana couldn't get a Macmillan nurse until "near the end"as they had lack of nurses compared to how many needed.When she finally did get them they were brilliant & supported the whole family as well as my nana.
I would also agree with Willowstar that there's nothing wrong with making a fuss to hopefully get what you need~if they think your mum is coping then they'll let her.All the best. x

[SlugLobber]

I would try the Marie Curie nurses, if they are available. sorry to hear about your FIL and also that you're having problems with something that *should* make things easier!

[nelliegemini]

We were badly let down by MacMillan, promised the world but then didn't send any help - leaving the family with one terminally ill relly at home and no support/advice. Rang/emailed Marie Curie and the 'angels' responded by return and were wonderful.

[jacob marley]

We did not have a good experience with them either when MIL fell of the twig but they did not forget to send the begging letters after she had gone jacob marley

[jackie j]

You dont say where your inlaws live, my sister died of cancer last october, and was in and out of a rowcroft hospice and they couldnt have been more helpful even to the point of helping with filling in forms which is why I ended up being her carer for the last 18 months of her life, as we found out that I could claim carer's allowance which isnt much but made up what I would loose by giving up a few hours of at work. Is their someone that could do that for her it meant I was there for 35 hours a week so did the housework and anything else my bil couldnt cope with but I didnt do the nursing side that came from the local gp and social services.
Nurses came in every day to change her dressings etc and someone came in the mornings to get her up wash and dress her and anything else that was needed.
I just did the housework.

[pjh75]

That sounds terrible. Speak to their GP... when my MIL was terminally ill about 5 years ago her GP was wonderful at getting all the support we needed - they even got her a place in a hospice close to where we lived rather than where she lived which made it easier for us to visit in her final days. I have no experience of Macmillan nurses.

[SarzWix]

Isn't there a family member who can step in and organise things for her? My mum fought cancer for 18 months, and I or my Auntie were there every week day to help Dad, then my 3 sisters took turns going for the weekend (2 live in Gloucs, 1 in Luxembourg). When it became necessary, the Health Centre & Social Services between them organised carers to come in for an hour morning & evening. Your M.I.L shouldn't be trying to cope with this on her own, she could end up ill herself through stress.

Oh, and for very good information, look on the Cancer Research website. I found it invaluable.

[squashysu]

i am so sorry to hear about your FIL and his fight against this dreaded disease, your poor MIL shouldnt be left to cope alone though, can SS help her with getting more help for them both.

xx

[Alice]

Oh Tootles. That is so awful but I think it's down to the idividuals involved. When my FIL was dying of cancer the MacMillan nurses were fantastic to him and my MIL. You should contact MacMillan and complain. And contact Marie Curie, they provide great service too.
I'm so sad for you all and hope you can find the best way forward and the best care and support for your inlaws.

[ailsasyl]

I work as a home carer and although we are not trained in cancer care we go in and assist with meal prep, personnal care, shopping etc. This is done through the council care schemes, they get referrals from social services, GPs and via occuptional therapists after hospital stays. The work is then carried out by a mix of council carers and private companys. In my experience this is usually as well as nursing care from community nurses