Strange place to be

[JanieB]

I'm a widow. I get very lonely and I don't know how to deal with it. I have a wonderful supportive family but they also have their own families and children and lives.

I am learning how to deal with this and one of them is to wind down on Friday with a drinky in my local with a few mates.

I have also joined my local council as a councillor.

Tonight I went to my local for my usual glass of wine (after dropping my car at home). I was greeted with "Christ, you're ugly". Followed by "What's your name?" Me "Jane". "So where's July" They've obviously misheard.

The people concerned are the local "family". I don't know how else to describe them. The landlord, and several other people called the police, who drove past twice and did nothing.

It seriously affected the landlords business as customers left in droves (including me, I don't do being insulted).

How do we get help from the local "plod".

[di]

That is truly horrible Jane!Why is it the people with something horrible to say are usually the ones with the loudest voices?!We've 2 co-ops close by~one plays horrendous panned "classical" music to keep large groups of teens away,the other puts up with said large group of teens throwing mindless insults to all who pass!!Police often drive by to supposedly make sure they're not causing trouble!(I'm guessing that random insults & intimidating passersby is not considered causing trouble!?)(p.s to any teenagers reading~I'm totally not tainting you all with the same brush!)
I can only guess how it has made you feel,but hope that you'll be able to bring yourself to continue with your Friday nights out!Are this "family" regulars?Try not to take their insults personnally~some peoples sole purpose of a night out is to cause grief to others & they really don't care what they say as long as they get a reaction.Probably the only reason they chose you was because your not 6ft tall bloke with muscles of steel!(I'm assuming!!)Take Care x

[bubblewrap]

Janie you may not be attractive in these peoples eyes so that's their problem.
I think they may be non too good looking themselves.
I think the best way to treat these morons is to ignore them completely and pretend they aren't there.
The landlord has a right to refuse to serve them if they are annoying other customers.
Do they arrive by car you could always report them for drink driving.
Not much more I can say but you have my sympathy.

[Gauckwin]

Janie I'm so sorry you have had to experience the mindless stupidity of some people who think this kind of behaviour is in any funny, entertaining or acceptable.
What to do about it is some thing else, I think I'm right in saying that what they did can be classified as common assault and the police would have to act upon it should you wish to make a complaint, but having said that a complain against them may invoke further abuse.
Maybe a word with the landlord explaining how upsetting you found the hole affair would be the better course of action and let him/her deal with those mindless people.
In any event, don't give up on your Friday evening drink with your friends, that would only mean they have won.
Lots of good wishes for a good future with many new friends.

MG

[sewer rat]

Speaking a a part- time doorman ( a job from which I have just got home from ) I would speak to the landlord first. It may be that other landlords have had problems with this family - either as individuals or as a family such as the incident which was directed at you. If so, they should jointly approach the police and ask them to take matters further.
Up here, we operate a pubwatch scheme - barred from one pub, barred from them all (and from purchasing alcohol at off-licences and supermarkets locally)for a set period - anything from 3 months to life. It is the decision of a commitee what length of punishment an individual receives but there is also a set tarrif for various offences including verbal abuse.
The scheme is overseen by the police and it is they who send out letters to offenders informing them of any bans imposed and the reasons for the ban.
If there isn't a scheme working local to you, I could get you some info and post it down to you if you think local landlords may be interested.

[SarzWix]

We have a similar scheme in our area, which all the local pubs are signed up to. Once somebody is put 'on Stand' they aren't allowed into any local pub. Any local pub can propose to put somebody on the Stand; usually if they've been barred from a pub it's automatic.
Perhaps, as a councillor, you could propose a similar scheme for your area? Landlords would be much more likely to take action against groups like this one, if they know that they're being backed up by a committee & th epolice get involved too.

Campaign proves a stand out success
From the archive, first published Friday 21st Apr 2006.

IF the pubs and surrounding streets of Craven seem a little quieter than they used to, then it is time to pay tribute to the Stand initiative, and the licensees, their staff and the police who make it work.

The Stand campaign started as the Skipton Town Against Night-time Disorder but when it was rolled out across the district it had to endure a change of name to Stopping Trouble And Night-time Disorder. The title might be somewhat less snappy, but the critical part is the effect.

Youngsters today know what to "go on Stand" means and very unpleasant for them it is too.

To "go on Stand" means your name goes up in every licensed premises and you are refused drinks. Not just in the odd pub but across the district. Of course, miscreants will always try a way to get round the ban, but being caught in a pub extends the "sentence" by a year. This can have a devastating effect on the social life of today's youngsters, who must watch from the sidelines as their peers enjoy a night out.

Stand is three years old and has been cited by the police as a major factor behind the drop in crimes of violence and disorder in pubs and on the street. We hear tales of banned troublemakers begging to have their sentence cut because their social life is ended.

So, as the Stand campaign marks its third year, we hail its success and trust it will be around for a long time to come.

[JanieB]

Thanks everyone, yes we do have a "Pubwatch". Anyone banned is banned from all including the offy and buying booze in the supermarket and convenience stores.

Their younger brother was there but not joining in as he has only recently left prison.

Bit of a difficult story here. My youngest son was remanded a few years ago and spent 6 weeks in Reading Gaol, (Ballad of etc). He was acquitted but tried to commit suicide whilst in. The younger brother was put in my son's cell to keep an eye on him so I owe him a favour.

I had a word with him after his two thoroughly objectionable siblings left and he apologised on their behalf.

My youngest worked for their father for 5 years as a weekend/holiday job when taking his gcse's and going to college. Which is why the prison authorities put the younger brother in my son's cell.

He knows me and the older two don't or they wouldn't have been so rude. And I have ignored it. I might be over sixty and a little overweight, but I know I'm not ugly. And at their age I was definitely beautiful, something they aren't, never have been and never will be..

[Pootle]

Is the father a reasonable man? If so, perhaps his son could explain what happened and ask him to have a 'word' with them about their behaviour - they wouldn't even need to know you'd complained? I suspect he wouldn't like to think that his sons were picking on someone known to the family in this way...

Other than that - I'd speak to the landlord.

[rustylady]

Is the father a reasonable man? If so, perhaps his son could explain what happened and ask him to have a 'word' with them about their behaviour - they wouldn't even need to know you'd complained? I suspect he wouldn't like to think that his sons were picking on someone known to the family in this way

Sorry, I think you're missing the point. These idiots shouldn't be picking on anyone!!! Doesn't matter whether they're known to the family or not.

[JanieB]

Sorry, I think you're missing the point. These idiots shouldn't be picking on anyone!!! Doesn't matter whether they're known to the family or not.

Thankyou RL, you have got the point completely!!

I can stop them being abusive to me personally, but I can't stop them being abusive to others, which they were.

The landlord was powerless, and as a man (together with his wife) who has turned around a dying business and made it profitable, I want to support him. If these idiots continue to go into his pub it will destroy his business. I have talked to him. He and his wife aren't strong enough to turf them out and the customers don't want to cross this family.

The police were called by the landlord and at least 2 other people. They drove by twice, but didn't stop .

[di]

Sorry no ideas as to how to tackle the problem but just wanted to say I'm pleased you've managed personnally to rise above it!
It is so annoying that people like this seem to be able to get away with being total idiots just because they know no-one wants to cross them! what a wonderful idea ASBO's were!!!

[piskieinboots]

fight like with like - tis all they understand hun!

My response:
ugly am I you say, well I can get assistance from make-up if I really really need it - however, you are a t**t and will, sadly, always be a tw**

[Cloud]

Hey I might be ugly but at least my knuckles don't drag along the ground.
As piskie says fight like with like.You go girl!!!!

[HeyWayne]

Doesn't sound like their old enough to be in a pub in the first place, let alone being served alcohol. Could always get the landlord to ask them for ID every time they're in - he's perfectly in his rights to do so, and if the refuse he has every right to refuse serving them - even if they are old enough.

I despise these kind of "families" - usually not very bright, and usually ugly in the personality sense.

Ignoring them would be my response - chances are they'll have an attention span to match their IQ.

[dandy]

They sound like what we call a "banjo" family in our house (remember Deliverance?)