Dealing with depression

[bluemoon]

Firstly, your OH is so lucky to have you - although she probably won't appreciate it at the moment. I suffered terribly with PND. This was thirty years ago though and there wasn't the understanding that there is now. My OH tried, but he was completely out of his depth. When I asked my mum if she'd suffered in the same way her response was: "Pull yourself together, In my day we didn't have the TIME to get depressed". Her idea was that an automatic washing machine and a freezer (so no daily shop) meant that my life, in comparison to how hers had been as a new mum, was a bed of roses. Needless to say I didn't receive the help I needed for years. I would confirm what others have said and get her to a doctor, fast. The sooner she receives help, the sooner she'll begin to make progress. You sound like a kind, compassionate person, but sadly, - although that will be a big help to her - at the moment it's not enough and she needs the help of professional health workers. Don't blame yourself for this, you're a hubby and new dad, not a doctor (or Superman) Besides, this situation will mean that you yourself don't enjoy your new daughters as you should and that's just as important.

Best wishes to you all. BM.

PS, if she refuses to go to a doctor, then I think you'd be more than justified in calling the doctor out to her. I know people don't like doing this, but under the circumstances, if she were my sister or daughter, I'd certainly do it.

[wheatleys wheels]

I'm afraid that i've never had PND. But I do know what it's like to live with someone with a form of depression. You have to hang in there. Be there for them when you can. It's not easy. Try to encourage them to take up some hobby - gardening is a good one. Go for walks in quiet neighbourhoods together.

If you can get her to see a doctor. That wont be easy if she wont accept it but you can call people like the samaritans for advice to see if they can help you at least with advice with what to do next.

But no matter what happens take care of yourself too. Make sure you have someone you can talk to. No point dragging you to the depths to as that will not help her but you will need to chat to someone about your own thoughts.

It's not easy but you can get through it. My husband is still here and out of his depression because I persevered. You will break through. Encourage dont push. If she feels you are pushing to do things she will hide further. it's a fine line but it can be done. In the end she'll appreciate your support.

[rustylady]

how to help partner with post natal depression who has slid into a state of near isolation and withdrawal from reality ... slightly suicidal too .still spitting feathers and blaming me for every shortcoming in her life including the supplying of the extremely viable seed that resulted in the arrival of gorgeous twin girls

PLEASE SPEAK TO YOUR GP AND THE HEALTH VISITOR. Your partner probably doesn't realise it's PND. Medication can help. I'm totally anti-pills, but my wonderful doctor prescribed me a five-day course of something after my daughter was born by emergency Caesarian and I was a weeping wreck, and it worked!! I told him I didn't want antidepressants as I didn't want to get addicted to them, but he assured me that it was a short term measure so I took them. Also, please don't try too hard!! As a woman I know that too much TLC tends to get on your nerves, however well meant it is. Please bear in mind that having had twins she is absolutely physically and mentally shattered. Is she breastfeeding or bottle feeding, and how old are the babies?

[SarzWix]

I've had 3 children and 3 lots of post-natal depression. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Things which helped;
Sleep. A major, major thing! The suicidal bits were always worst when I was so tired I couldn't think straight.
Exercise - mostly walking, the baby usually slept & stayed asleep once home, so a few small jobs could get done which also made me feel better.
A day off - my mother-in-law (who first spotted the PND) used to take the kids for at least one whole day a week, so I could sleep, do housework, go shopping, whatever I felt like
Help with housework - I was lucky, and had a friend who came to help with the cleaning 1 day a week, when she moved away, we paid someone to do it.
Diet - Good food at regular intervals, and less high/low things like coffee, chocolate & high sugar foods.
Company - friends dropping in, casually, for a brew & a chat. Helped to keep mind occupied!
Family history - I eventually discovered that my mum, grandma, aunt & sister had also had PND, and it turns out that it can be a genetic thing. Finding out that it wasn't just me being useless & was actually almost inevitable helped to quash the horrible guilt which can turn into a vicious cycle.

Ultimately, for me, the only thing which sorted out my wildly unsettled hormones was a hysterectomy, but the Pill can sometimes work to great effect to settle things down into a regular pattern again. Unfortunatley anti-depressants had very little effect, as they work on seratonin production not hormonal imbalances.
If your partner is breast feeding, whilst this is a good thing generally, it may also mean that she is doing too much on her own. It may be worth looking at other options such as expressing & feeding from a bottle, or formula, or a combination of both, so that a day or a whole night off isn't in the realms of fantasy!
Finally, one last thought, do you have a local branch of the Twins And Multiple Births Association (Twins & Multiple Births Association It could be a good idea to track them down as they are a good source of local support for all aspects of 'multiples parenting', plus the website has a forum which could be useful if your partner doesn't want to actually meet anyone yet.

Good luck mate & hang on in there, tell her from us not to give in, there is definately a light at the end of the tunnel