Feeling blue....

[stressedoutmum2]

The other day I was over the moon and chuffed to bits as I tended my veggie plot (first year ever done this having wanted to grow my own for years) and have had a bumper crop of various veggies. My OH has depression and having been the 'strong one' for the last few years it has finally taken its toll on me and I now suffer from panic attacks and anxiety but gardening is my therapy, I LOVE it and the only time I feel really happy is when I'm tending my veggies ON MY OWN getting some peace and quiet.

However returned from damp camping holiday the other day and today have what appears to be infected potatos although hoping its just that I've left them in the ground too long and now noticed my sprouts are literally crawling with caterpillars - knew I had a problem with greenfly on them which I hoped I had dealt with but on closer inspection they are being wiped out by just about every creature there is going, also red onions appear to be bolting - am sad, sad, sad and on a right downer - sorry to go on with my life history but have to vent somewhere......

[zazen999]

The spuds just need lifting and eating [hmm, mash]
mix up some chilli and garlic spray [whizz them up with water and filter through a piece of kitchen towel]. The caterpillars don't like this at all.
Red onions, can still be used they just wont' store, so lift a few as you need them.

Nothing is ever perfect in the veg plot; there are always bugs and beasties plotting against you - but much worse can happen than the above. Honest guv, these things are surmountable.

[stressedoutmum2]

Thanks, I know you are right of course but little things get you down sometimes dont they? I'll try the chilli and garlic spray - didn't know about that - don't suppose you have a spray for stubborn, gobby 6 year old children do you????

[squashysu]

hi and welcome to the vine stressedoutmum2

i understand the disappointment and great advise given already, but i have great solution to the kids! soap!! lol!! it worked with 2 7 year olds!! lol!!

i wish you luck in the hols, its hard work x

[stressedoutmum2]

The frustrating thing about the 6 year old is how everyone else just sees this perfect angel and think I must be exaggerating her misdemeanours - if only we had hidden cameras and they saw the real thing! (I suppose could be worse, she could be a pain in public too).

I was never under any illusion that kids were going to be easy but blow me I never knew quite how hard it could be - I used to be this easy going, mild mannered, chilled out human being and still am most of the time but there is one other human being on this planet that has the power to push my buttons like no-one else and turn me into something quite different - I never thought anyone could have such a tremendous effect over me.

[zazen999]

Thanks, I know you are right of course but little things get you down sometimes dont they? I'll try the chilli and garlic spray - didn't know about that - don't suppose you have a spray for stubborn, gobby 6 year old children do you????

I wish.

Try inheriting an 8 year old, whose parents have spoilt her rotten [she's 11 now], who hadn't even been taught how to swing [as in children's play area - swings and roundabouts] because they couldn't get over the crying phase [she just wanted to be pushed and couldn't be bothered to do it herself]. I soon taught her but it's just one of many things. She now can't use a knife and fork because mummy doesn't make her she doesn't see why she has to at ours. The basics just have been missed and of course when I try and teach her it's all 'mummy says...'. Apparently mummy says you never have to say sorry if you can just say it was an accident [even if you deliberately did something]. I could go on and on.

If I had some spray I'd be using it all up here!!!

[MrsC]

ladies, can totally understand with what has been posted above! if you want a chat pm i don't mind, honestly! stressedoutmum can soooo understand what you say, it was a few years ago for me though and Zazen I'm going to join your club, understand what you are saying too! take care ladies x

[bluemoon]

Someone's gobby 8 year old recently told my OH that he could: "Do whatever I like, cuz I've got behavioural problems so nobody ever stops me doin' owt". (expletives deleted) Sorry, I've obviously missed something here. Surely a child with behavioural problems needs more discipline, not less? Isn't a lack of discipline the root cause of the problem in the first place? Or am I just an old fogey and not very PC? However, when his parents came to complain at my OH for telling their precious son off, (he'd been using our car wing-mirror to swing from, and refused to stop) we repeated what the kid had said and they just went away with some embarrassed mumbling, so it must be true.
Sorry, off topic there. Stressedoutmum2, you have found one of the (in my opinion) most effective ways to beat stress, depression and anxiety that there is - and I speak as a long-term sufferer of all three - True, it's upsetting when your hard work is ruined, but next year you'll know how to do it differently, next year you'll have prize winning sprouts, next year, you'll be a caterpillar expert. Just how cool will that feel?
As for your gobby 6 year old, you care about how she behaves, so you must be doing it right, it's the parents of gobby 6 year olds who don't care and who allow them to become violent, out of control 16 year olds who are the problem. And I'd try talking to other mums with girls her age, you'll probably find they're all going through the same thing. There's nothing wrong with your daughter, or her parenting.....there is, however, a problem with a planet that allows a species to evolve, knowing that as a result there's bound to be 6 year old little girls. A method whereby they fall asleep aged 4 (or when they ask for their first Barbie, whichever is the sooner) and wake-up again when it's time for university would be so much more efficient.
I do hope you feel better soon, keep at the gardening though, even the winter digging can be therapeutic.
Love BM.
PS. My daughters are grown-up now and they're the greatest blessing of my life, and when I look back I realize that that was always true......even when they were six. Take care.

[stressedoutmum2]

Thanks all so much, already I feel better and you have made me giggle - of course you do know that you're in for it now I know there's someone to moan to - then again you don't have to listen, I can pretend that you are still out there!!

And Zazen my heart goes out to you - my 6 year old may be obtuse and infuriatingly hot headed but she can also be very loving and helpful - I sometimes have to keep reminding myself of that mind you, but at least she gets on with things when she's a mind to. I have an 11 year old nephew who sounds very much like the child you have inherited, can't wash his own face or tie his shoelaces - thankfully I don't have the pleasure of seeing him very often.

Harping on what I want to know is what happened to respect. Lord knows I try to instill it in my kids but still my daughter speaks to me like something awful at times. I know I would NEVER have even considered speaking to my parents the way she does, someone told me that it is because we feared what our parents would do if we spoke to them that way but to be honest I can't say that is true (for me at least), the thought just wouldn't even have crossed my mind........ ooooh don't get me going! Sorry.......

[squashysu]

[QUOTE=bluemoon;266952]Someone's gobby 8 year old recently told my OH that he could: "Do whatever I like, cuz I've got behavioural problems so nobody ever stops me doin' owt". QUOTE]

thats terrible, my son has Aspergers and sometimes his behaviour is appalling, but he still has to learn and i dont accept it, even though he does have a reason for him saying rude things! i do totally agree with you bluemoon on this, his twin sister is non-aspergers and sometimes she is really bad and i wont accept it from her either, kids need to learn respect, i say to all my kids (the eldest DD is 13 and terrible sometimes) "when you leave this house, you use my name and a lot of people know me, if you are rude and not polite, i will not tolerate it" - they know, I know a lot of people and a lot of people know me and I would be mortified if my kids were as foul as the boy in your post!

Lord knows I try to instill it in my kids but still my daughter speaks to me like something awful at times. I know I would NEVER have even considered speaking to my parents the way she does, someone told me that it is because we feared what our parents would do if we spoke to them that way but to be honest I can't say that is true (for me at least), the thought just wouldn't even have crossed my mind........ ooooh don't get me going! Sorry.......

Ditto!! kids are so different today, my 13 year old is terrible, but she has been so bad that she lost her pony etc etc, i will not give her treats for almost being excluded from school!!!!! at present i am being told that she suffers post traumatic stress disorder (her nan died in the car whilst driving, hit a brick wall and my DD was in it!!!! when she was 6) anyway long story and we are still trying to get her some help with it!!!! but still this doesnt give her reason to talk to me like a bag of pooh and worse still anyone else.

I love my kids dearly and will give them all my knowledge and love to help them grow to polite, independent, caring adults, but sometimes being a parent is the hardest job in the world.......as i say in some of worst moments when i want to scream and need to calm and laugh!

"cant live with them, cant kill them" lol (am only joking when i say this BTW lol)

hope tomorrow is a better day - it will be someone elses day tomorrow for a pants day - just hope its not mine lol xx

ps. moan to us all you like, we all need to sometimes x

[shirlthegirl43]

Our younger son has mild Tourettes syndrome. This results in odd noises and facial expressions but thankfully no bad language. However, when he was younger, he was a real pain in the butt when shopping. I threatened and threatened to smack his behind and remove treats etc continually - to the extent that he had no priviledges or treats ever! Still the bad behaviour (not attributable to anything other than him being a little toerag). One day I finally reached the end of my tether and after a half hour of threatening to pull his trousers down and smack him on the leg I finally did it. Result - one very shocked child who now behaves in shops, not perfectly but bearable. Maybe not the way everyone deals with it but it seems to be the only thing that works for Mk2 son in this house.

There is a big difference between giving a child a smack for constant bad behaviour / mouthiness, and beating them within an inch of their lives. I think the PC brigade have made us feel that we should give in to whatever demands our kids have and this is totally wrong. As a child, if I did wrong I understood the risk I ran of getting a hot backside. It contributed to me never giving my parents backchat and respecting other people and their property. I suspect that if corporal punishment had not been banned in school (possibly by those who suffered it?) then the younger people of today would have better manners.

[HeyWayne]

I like the idea of spraying the kids with chilli and garlic solution! Of course, I don't have any kids yet so I can still say that!

I know nothing about depression I'm afraid, but I do know that a smile can lift the spirit, so here, just for you....



And if a smile lifts the spirit, imagine what this can do (needs sound)...

YouTube - Hahaha

always makes me chuckle

[jackie j]

I am dealing with my 13 year old niece ( going on 21 ) who lost her mum last year and her dad doesnt want to know how she feels. We cleared out her room last week and found a letter she had written to her friends saying sorry for the way she had treated them and she would be better off dead. What did he do laughed, its no joke, he just doesnt get it. We reckon he hasnt changed her bed since last year tho he says he has.
She has got in with the wrong crowd, he wont let her have any friends in the house so she stays out then rings to say I cant get home, he has no car and wouldnt walk to fetch her cos he's drunk by then.
She is staying with us at the moment bed time is bed time and its too far from her friends.
We are on holiday and she comes out with us and our 12 year old daughter. I had to ask him if I could buy her some clothes and would he reimburse me which he has agreed to reluctantly, we got rid of about 20 bags of rubbish from her room and about five bags of clothes that are far too small ( 8yr old sizes ).
She is gobby to her dad but the way he speaks to her or should I say shouts, I would be too, with us she is quiete and polite, the daughter my sister would be proud of, but him wouldnt give her the time of day, yet he says he misses her.
We are all seeing a councillor to help us deal with him and he is there too, but he still doesnt get it, its as though he has never been a dad or wasnt there all her life but he has been.
I dont care what happens to him but I do my niece, its a promise I made to my sister to look after her daughter and I will do so to my dying day, even when she is older and has children of her own, please dont let it be yet !!!
My kids were never allowed to be gobby to me or anyone else and action was taken if they let slip.
My rant over.

[HeyWayne]

Oh, and this might help.

I had it on in the car this morning and it made me really happy driving along:

YouTube - All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar - Juno Soundtrack

Hope you feel much better soon.

[bluemoon]

squashysu. Asperger's is a known problem, and I wasn't criticising the parents of anyone with this (or anything similar). My grouse is with parents who don't discipline their kids, which then go on to create havoc in school and on the streets and who are then labelled as having 'behavioural problems' by desperate school staff. At this point said useless parents give up any attempt and basically the kids run riot from then on. All schools have these problem kids, in the past the parents were called in and told to straighten them out. Mostly they did as asked, but now it's often seen as an excuse to abdicate all responsibility. Unfortunately parenting is all about responsibility and anyone who refuses to accept that is failing.
My eldest daughter's ex-boyfriend had Asperger's, his parents did a remarkable job with him. - his sister was also affected, though to a lesser degree, and his brother had severe autism, so things must have been far from easy. Admittedly his and my daughter's relationship failed (after four years) but it had nothing to do with his condition. If people such as yourself and that boy's parents can work so hard to gain positive results though it makes my blood boil when I see young tearaways being written off simply because they have no-one who can be bothered. All kids go through difficult phases (and with some it seems to last from birth until they're 21 ) I was a complete horror at around 14, had my mum decided that this was something she refused to address goodness knows where I'd be now.
I think what I was trying to say is, squashysu and stressedoutmum2, your kids might be driving you up the wall, but that's perfectly normal, it won't last forever and, because you are refusing to allow the unacceptable behaviour to continue, you are GOOD parents, even though at times it feels as if everything is just so overwhelming.