Feeling Sad

[Cloud]

Ok son number 1 has moved to Scotland and his girlfriend is expecting my second grandchild in December.
Now son number 2 has split from his girlfriend who had my first grandson back in January.
It seems that I will not get to see my grandchildren as often as I'd like.
What can I do?????

[lynda66]

you can contact the g/f who has your first grandchild, and give her support, and offer to babysit, and help out as much as you can financially and with the baby ...... no you are not legally obliged to, but just because she's split with your son, she hasn't split with you, my sons grandparents often had my son during the holidays, and bought him toys and clothes and stuff which made being a single parent easier.

because they were more interested in his welfare than what had happended between me and his dad, it worked very well.

encourage your son to have as much contact with the baby as possible, even down to shared residence if that's at all possible.

as for the one in scotland, at least they arent half way across the world, there are phones, letters, photos, email, msn, make sure they have a web cam, and a microphone, and they can talk to you via IM so you can see the baby as it grows, visit as often as possible, and let them know the door is always open for them to visit, and as the baby gets older offer to have it for the holidays.

I spent all my holidays with my grandparents too,(we lived in preston, they lived in london, and we went on the coach till they retired and moved to north wales to a farm, so my parents drove me), it was great, they made so much more effort to keep me amused than my parents did.

my parents moved to spain, 2 years ago and i've not managed to get there yet, though i talk a couple of times a week via msn. which is more than i did when they were in the uk lol, cos they hadn't got a pc.

you just have to accept that you might not spend as much time with the kids as you want to, but the time you do spend will be quality time

[sharonr]

I agree with Lynda66

[MrsC]

well said lynda!

[Cloud]

Thanks Mate.Who said you were mad.Lol.

[quark1]

Very good sense (madness?!) written by Lynda!

Hope you get what you're looking for - it can be tough when families are torn apart by those unable to work out their differences - or in my case where there has been a lack of interest, to the point of denial, by someone who should know better! Don't get me started on that one.....

[Cloud]

Luckily I get on with son number 2's G/F so hopefully there won't be a problem.But you never know as Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned!

[lynda66]

oooooooo is that my first sensible post on here lol

hell may hath no fury, but it's up to you to make the first move, as long as she knows you are there to support her, once she gets over the anger at your son, she will get over it, keep persevering

and also remember that everything is all very new, and over time it will settle down, you'll be fine, the main thing is you care

[sharonr]

Lynda you are a wise woman. You don`t talk utter rubbish at all, and don`t go away.

[Cloud]

Here,Here!!

[lynda66]

Lynda you are a wise woman. You don`t talk utter rubbish at all, and don`t go away.

DAMN i'm gonna have to try much harder to talk more crap

having experience of bringing a child up alone, makes you realise what the best things for your child are, and in my case he didn't often see my parents, so is was good he saw his dads parents, he only saw his dad every fortnight, and cried when daddy didn't turn up for weeks on end, so having his grandparents involvement was best for him. It did take me a while to realise but i saw sense when i realised what a hard job bringing up a child completely alone was.

[vicky]

Well done Lynda, very wise words.
I too spilt with my daughters father when she was a baby. Her paternal grandparents have always been there for her - and for me too - even though I have had my differences with them (...). Now she is almost 10 she is closer to them than any other family member (although they are not the physically closest to us).
Cloud - just be there for your grandchildren, let them know how much you value them - AND their parents! Make sure you're around during school holidays - which are a nightmare for single working mums!
Probably not the best way of putting it but 'keep in with the mums'!!!! They're the bosses of what the children do/who they see, so make sure you stay friends with them! - You sound like you are, so hopefully you already know that!
We have family all over the world and keep in touch with phone and email, so just make sure you contact them regurarly every week/fortnight/month so you a automatically a part of their lives. Also children love postcards (maybe when they're a little older!), letters and cards and it reinforces to the mums that you are there for the long term!

[lynda66]

Well done Lynda, very wise words.
Also children love postcards (maybe when they're a little older!), letters and cards and it reinforces to the mums that you are there for the long term!

thanks ..... you forgot to mention that when they get to about 2 put money in

[vicky]

...very important point....

(didn't want to seem too callous!)



Don't forget a happy mummy never pays for the schoolshoes...

[di]

Sorry to hear that Cloud!(())Having read what Lynda&Vicky have to say there's not a lot more to be said~other than there's nothing wrong with a bit of healthy wallowing with a glass or 2 of whatever it takes!!~as long as it's an occasional healthy wallow & you don't make it a habbit!!Where does your grandchild live?
Like the others have said as long as you stay friends with his ex there should be no reason for you to see any less of your grandson~there may be times where it becomes tough to remain unbiased in differences between G/F & your son but I'd say from the start that you're not interested in getting involved preferring to stay close to them both & offering any support possible to your grandson.All the best~Take Care.x