Your most worstest kitchen disaster?

[di]

Milling around Wilkos looking for end of season bargains this arvo something reminded me of one of the first meals i ever cooked Andi!!
I'd just moved in & the cupboards were fairly bare but I found a jar of vegimince & proceeded with my wonderful creation.Smelt really odd & required far more liquid than i remembered from past experiences off said stuff,but being the cuisine queen I wasn't goona let some manky smelling vegimince get the beter of me!!The next hour was spent adding this that & anything else I could find to mask the smell~still couldn't get it to a state I was prepared to taste test!Andi comes home~1st thing he notices is the rather offputting smell of dinner!2nd thing he notices~the empty jar of vermiculite!!
I humbly gave up my queen of cuisine crown(think i've earnt it back now!?)~but WHO keeps a jar of vermiculite in their food cupboard??!!
BTW!Andi is no longer vegetarian!!!
So come on~I've revealed my most embarrassing kitchen nightmare.........

[Alice]

When I was newly married I knew nothing about what went on in kitchens.
I did my first shop and bought 2lbs of lambs liver and 3lbs of brussel sprouts for 2 of us The shop assistants did ask if I was sure I wanted that amount but I wasn't going to confess my ignorance . I think most of it went in the bin.
40 years on things are much better

[squashysu]

Just being in the kitchen is embarrassing!!!!

[nomadyane]

Caramelised bananas - looked good, smelt nice and had the consistency of caramelised candles. Four dinner guests persevered for an inch or so...

David

[Geordie]

A few (!) years ago, when I lived at my parents house, arriving home after a particulary heavy night out I felt a cup of coffee was what was needed. A simple enough task you assume but I was somewhat surprised to find a jar of nescafe on the bench the following morning that my dad used to store his museli.

[lynda66]

i was 18, and was madly in love, and i invited him for tea, i'd duly asked what his favourite meal was and he said chilli, so one phone call to mother for a recipe later, i'm happily cooking away, and awaiting his arrival...... one mouthful later we nearly choked to death ..... i'd written the recipe down as 2 tablespoons of chilli powder, instead of 2 teaspoons, i'd also forgot to write down MILD chilli powder ..... and as i was cooking i stirred it in, then tasted it and it wasn;t very hot, so i added some more ..... not realising that as you cook it the flavour comes out of the chilli........ we went for a pizza.

[Hilary B]

It just goes to show the value of being 'first assistant' to a cooking Mum!
I don't think ANY of my family have ever had disasters in those proportions (including my son, and my nephews)!
My worst was the times I put something on to boil, and went to do another job while waiting for it to get up to temperature.......
I've had a fair few 'burnt out saucepans'.....

[jackie j]

Mine was a few years ago. I put the oven on for a roast it was in the oven while I was on my knitting machine ( yes I had one of those !!! ) in the dinning room, son no 1 aged
9 ish comes in and says mum the cookers on fire ! thays ok it smokes a bit then it will be ok, he goes away then comes in and again says MUM the cooker is on fire, no its not go away and find something to do, he comes back a third time and say's MUM the COOKER is on FIRE and I have called the firebrigade. I jump up to take a look and oh boy flames coming from cooker I pushed the boys out of the front door turned off the cooker at the socket firebrigade and police turn up. the police have to as a child made the call. The flames had gone out by themselves but the fireman said to get it checked out. I got a new cooker and now that needs replacing.

[Nicos]

As a young teenager I sprinkled coffee granules into a stew instead of Bisto granules.

Another time I was making a cheesecake-type pudding and burnt the biscuits( yes...I now know they don't need cooking!!!) ..and to hide the fact, mixed in cocopowder - it didn't look burnt, but boy did it taste burnt!!!!

Otherwise I'm a superb cook

[nerobot]

Few weeks ago managed to completly destroy 3 pans trying to make toffee. Still didn't get it to work, and had to buy some new pans. Grrrrrrr.

Steven

[Flummery]

In the early days of our marriage I managed to burn out the pressure cooker someone bought us for our wedding present. I forgot to put the water in. It was bonfore night! Memorable. Never did like pressure cooking!

[quark1]

My dimmest kitchen moment was when staying away from home with a friend while her folks went on their hols and we went to boils eggs.

Had to phone home to ask whether the 3mins is when boiling to place eggs in and time or to place in from beginning and time the 3mins from boiling point then! Neither of us knew!

My worst produce from the kitchen was not really my fault.....she says! No honest guv its true.

I bought a chicken from S*******ys and roasted the thing, like you do. When I went to carve it I found it difficult even with a keenly sharpened knife. The warning signs were there - when Dad and I went to eat it we could bearly tear it apart and it was impossible to chew. Next step was to feed the remaining bird to the cats - and you guessed it - even they turned their noses up!

Not my fault - I believe - or have to convince myself? - that the bird was rather older than they thought and so the toughness of the meat.

Pure Unadulterated Culinary Hell!

[di]

So pleased not just me then!!
Geordie you reminded me of the times(it's happened twice~each sister!!).when at my mums my sisters have both on seperate occasions made Andi a coffee with salt instead of sugar!My mum has finally stopped storing the salt with all the drink stuff!

[squashysu]

ok, ok, i will now confess to a few!!! only a couple though!! LOL!!

at school had to make pizza from scratch!! well you can guess, Yeast of all things to go overboard on, my poor mum and dad were nearly sick when they ate it and so was i LOL!!!!! It smelt and tasted as foul as anything i have every smelt or tasted before.

next.....

my first ever christmas dinner for the whole family, underdone sprouts, overdone parsnips in burnt honey and the stuffing left in the oven for 3 days! as i forgot to take it out, oh and not forgetting the lumpy gravy!!!

may i add that i have now progressed and EVERYONE comes to me for christmas dinner and i have never done anything wrong since, well not that i notice or everyone is too polite to tell me!

[Newbie]

Boiling eggs & forgetting about them - remembered after a rather loud bang & found them all over the kitchen ceiling