Family Feud

[zazen999]

My dad abandoned us when I was 6, bro was 2 - walked out and never looked back. We moved back here some months later.

He kept in touch with my brother but wasn't interested in me one little bit.

After 30 years, and not having contact with bro for about 15 of those, he decided to contact - him. Another 9 months passed and I got an email. I responded, and his response back was so devoid of any apology, understanding, interest etc that I thought - sometimes too much has happened to really want to go there. Then, 2 days after his email to me [he lives in Canada] he was over here and seeing - every one in his family except me. How charming.

I get Christmas cards with witty 'you have to take the first step' comments on the back, and Birthday cards - a few weeks too late.

So, sometimes you just have to leave it. Some people are best left to their own devices, whatever they may be.

[Polly Fouracre]

God!! It would break my heart if any of my sisters or brothers fell out with me or if my children fell out with each other. I just can't imagine any of my beloved siblings passing me by in the street.
Even my ex-husband and his partner come to stay with us and if I have any unforgiven issues I keep them very much to myself and they are both very welcome.
Understanding and forgiveness are like most things, easier with practice!!

[Farmer_Gyles]

Understanding and forgiveness are like most things, easier with practice!!

i understand that my parents have their heads well and truly shoved up their butts, i can forgive them for their stupidity, ignorance, rudeness, and general inability to give a toss about my children, but i still don't want the hassle of knowing them

[zazen999]

Yup - it broke my heart for many many years...but I don't want anything to do with someone who didn't care whether we were alive or dead for 30 years, and who thinks it is a good thing to have children and then abandon them - in a foreign country with no income. I wouldn't have minded if he had apologised or said he regretted it but to revel in it takes the biscuit.

[BarleySugar]

My family is great at feuding, and I always seem to have been caught in the middle. Myfather fell out with sister1 and her husband, didn't talk to them of over 10 years. I and brother 1 kept in toch, the others ignored her. I caught a lot of flak from Dad, but as it wasn't anything to do with me, i refused to get involved.
She was finaly reconciled with Dad just before he died. Sister 1 and I were close, and I thought nothing would come between us, but someone managed it, To this day I don't know what was said, but she to talk to me or see her godson. Recently she asys she realised she was lied to, but she won't say what was said, I am still in the dark as to why she cut me off. We meet at family gathering and are polite, but I was so hurt, especially after supporting her, that I cannot anticipatrd a change,
No sister 1 and 4 do not talk to sister 3, and have persuaded brother 3 to ban her from his house, effectivelt cutting all contact with mum. I do still keep in touch with siser

[Polly Fouracre]

i understand that my parents have their heads well and truly shoved up their butts, i can forgive them for their stupidity, ignorance, rudeness, and general inability to give a toss about my children, but i still don't want the hassle of knowing them

Sorry F.G. reading my post I see I sounded priggish and holier than thou, I'm not and didn't mean to sound so.
I realise that I am very lucky with my family. I also realise that if some of the people around me were family, then.......??!!
So, I'll shut my gob and creep away now

[bluemoon]

Polly, I don't think you sounded priggish. I too would be heartbroken if I had this sort of thing happen to me or saw it happen to my kids. But the way our family feels about each other it's highly unlikely to happen. Having seen my husbands 'family' in operation though I know this is not the case for everyone and sometimes it's easier and better for a person's peace of mind to just cut their losses and I think that's what FG meant. My own OH has his children, who adore him, my extended family who think he's wonderful and work colleagues who respect him. Far better for his own feelings of self worth than to remain in contact with a family who, among many other things, refused to speak to him during the three years he was at Uni as they were 'embarrassed' that he'd taken a cut in income in order to become a full-time student (they'd forced him to leave school at 16, accept a job he hated and generally thought that education beyond the point where you could be bringing home a wage was pointless). I sent them a copy of his graduation photo and they sent it back. I admit he was in his 30s at the time, but even so how could any parent do something so hateful to their child? Not the sort of role models we want for our children certainly, even if these people are their grandparents and aunts.

Our eldest daughter did accidentally meet her grandmother whilst shopping one day and the grandmother invited her to go for a coffee. She spent the whole of the next 20 minutes bad mouthing my OH and couldn't understand why my daughter walked away. A year or two later I bumped into one of OH's sisters and explained that our daughter had left because she loves her Dad so much. This was met with much surprise, she genuinely couldn't understand how anyone would care about him. Sometimes hurts are just too deep to be forgiven, however much the rest of us might prefer it and however much those of us with good, loving families struggle to understand it.