When to Reply

[snuffer]

There have been some very sad postings on the forum recently. Not just sad, heartbreaking. I often feel that I ought to reply. Not that in most cases I would be able to offer any advice that would be of the least help but just to let poeple know that others are thinking of them. However, I am never shure whether or not I should. I have never met any of the other 'grapes' and worry that what I write, no matter how heartfelt, may come accross as just platitudes.

How do you decide whether or not to reply?

[Two_Sheds]

Whether you feel you know that person well, or only a little: if you sympathise with them, let them know.
If you don't want to do it publicly, send a PM.

When I was very ill some years ago, my "friends" didn't know what to say to me. They couldn't bear to visit me in hospital as it "upset them too much". How much did it upset me, that my "friends" didn't write, phone, or come to see me when I most needed them?

When you are ill, or upset, the world is a lonely place. A little note makes all the difference. Or a picture of Brad xx

[Nicos]

Hmmm..hard one.
Some posts I miss and feel they've moved on, but none of us can escaped the heart touching events of late.
Just cos peeps don't reply doesn't mean they don't care though.

[jackie j]

[/QUOTE]


When I was very ill some years ago, my "friends" didn't know what to say to me. They couldn't bear to visit me in hospital as it "upset them too much". How much did it upset me, that my "friends" didn't write, phone, or come to see me when I most needed them?


I agree Two sheds This is what happened to my sister even family didnt visit and its hard on the very close family who do visit, just being there helps all concerned not just the person who is ill. I saw my sister nearly every day for 18 months and I am so glad I did even though it hurt me very much to see her so ill, it would have been nice if someone else came to see her. After all over four hundred people attended her funeral where were they when she needed them most.
I try to comfort people on here and many have comforted me since I joined, a few words can make all the difference and to be able to get things off your chest to someone who doesnt know you is sometimes easier than talking to those close to you.

[di]

Ditto the above really.
Although nothing can compete with a real hug or shoulder,they're not always available to all 24/7,& a virtual one can go a long way in filling that gap.I'd have probably not thought so a few months back,but having had a few experiences myself recently I can personally vouch that it makes a difference.(cheers!x)You don't necessarily need to know a person to be able to empathize with what's going on in their life & send out a few words to hopefully make a little difference to their day.
That said,I don't think anyone should feel bad if they don't respond~it doesn't make you any more or less of a caring person~do what feels right for you!

[BrideXIII]

It is tricky, especially when you are new, you get the inpression everybody else 'knows' the person because they have been around longer.
I didn't reply to one particular thread, because it was hitting too close to home at the time, I did iafter a day or two though. Others, if you don't know what to say, just a simple 'you are in my thoughts' is nice, after all , they are, or you wouldn't be wondering whether to reply?

[lainey lou]

When my Nan died everyone here was so supportive, I felt really cared for and appreciated all the messages both via posts and pm,s very much.
If you feel moved to reply then do I say.

[Rhona]

I agree that you just do what feels right. When you posted about your basset hound, and people responded, I'm sure that didn't feel like platitudes? Rather people reaching out in kindness and understanding, whether or not they felt as though they "knew" you.

I don't respond to all - sometimes it's a time issue, and I've stumbled on the thread late, or I don't feel as though I'm necessarily the right person to respond for whatever reason. Otherwise, I treat the issue as anything else in life, just do whatever feels the right thing.

[FionaH]

I've wondered about replying recently, being new around here. But I think Bridie is right a simple reply will let people know you are thinking of them or praying and that can do no harm.

[NSB]

I feel people need to talk about their problems and maybe sometimes sending a post
here lets them air their thoughts. I think we should feel honoured that people feel comfortably enough to let their feelings out to us

[snuffer]

Thank you all, for your replies and advice. I now feel a little more comfortable about responding. The 'grapes' are a great bunch (no pun intended) and I will happily provide a virtual shoulder in the future.

[Irie Jan]

When I was very ill some years ago, my "friends" didn't know what to say to me. They couldn't bear to visit me in hospital as it "upset them too much". How much did it upset me, that my "friends" didn't write, phone, or come to see me when I most needed them?


I agree Two sheds This is what happened to my sister even family didnt visit and its hard on the very close family who do visit, just being there helps all concerned not just the person who is ill. I saw my sister nearly every day for 18 months and I am so glad I did even though it hurt me very much to see her so ill, it would have been nice if someone else came to see her. After all over four hundred people attended her funeral where were they when she needed them most.
I try to comfort people on here and many have comforted me since I joined, a few words can make all the difference and to be able to get things off your chest to someone who doesnt know you is sometimes easier than talking to those close to you.[/QUOTE]

What more is there to say! Im with Two Sheds and Jackie J on this one!

[lainey lou]

I feel people need to talk about their problems and maybe sometimes sending a post
here lets them air their thoughts. I think we should feel honoured that people feel comfortably enough to let their feelings out to us

I agree.
I find it hard to talk to my friends if something is bothering me cause to them, I am always the cheerful one.
Luckily my OH knows me inside out and I can tell him anything but it certainly does help having the supportive network on the vine.

[kirsty b]

I too wonder whether to post in response to sad threads, but most often do. I have also been on the receiving end of kindess, sympathy and support on here. I find it easier to talk to my 'virtual' friends than it is to talk to those I see.

[piskieinboots]

.... I will happily provide a virtual shoulder in the future.

I doubt any of us can possibly reply to all posts on here either due to time or, as Nicos says, the people posting may have moved on and 'you' don't wish to re-open stuff.

You clearly care snuffer otherwise, as is said above, you wouldn't be asking the question.

You are one of us (you have been assimilated), post whatever you feel comfortable with - and PM's are always useful