fed up :( don't know what to do

[lynda66]

maybe i could just get a gardening houseworking half naked handyman for those occasions when i need a ermmmm cuddle

if it was 10 years ago, i'd probably have moved without thought by now, i guess even when you get over bad relationships, theres still those lingering doubts ......... i just aren't much good at living with anyone, other than rob, but thats cos i can nag him lol.

it boils down to the fact that i'm scared of it going wrong, and as much as rob is growed up, he still needs his mummy, well ok maybe not this week lol.

he's coming to live back at home next year and commuting to uni, although he likes living there, he's already decided that...... and yes i want him with me ..... if honest i'm really really missing him, ...... much more than i miss the OH, but OH still makes me tingle when we're together, and when were together, i can't imagine life without him, but after 2 months, i'm just fed up and frustrated.

it doesn't help that he's been ill, and thats making him p****d off too, i dont want him to think its cos of that, cos it really isn't .... yes i do love him, and i want to be with him ..... but the reality of it is, it's never gonna happen unless i move there..... i can't bring myself to do that ....... with my track record of relationships ....... living together probably isn't a good idea .

how the hell do you end something that's so wonderful when you're together, but so crap when your apart??

[di]

Lynda!Firstly(((x))),secondly,don't use Rob as your excuse to not move(I'm sure you're not doing it deliberately,but I'm sure he'd feel like c^*p if he knew or thought you were forgoing your happiness to fulfill a promise you made whilst he was still dependant on you)Thirdly,I have absolutely no idea what you should do for the best!!Only you know that!Fourthly!!!What are the waiting lists for lotties like in Barrow?I know it's not the same as just popping out the backdoor to your garden..but would enable you to still keep your chooks & grow your veggies(not sure how easy your chook house would be to move,but hey...there's always EBay!
And finally....((((Fairy hugs))))& a little dust blown your way to try & help you make your decision.xx

[digthatchick]

Do what you are doing here ... be honest.

[piskieinboots]

how the hell do you end something that's so wonderful when you're together, but so crap when your apart??

YOU DON'T ....and again you have answered your own question....you are getting good at this

[lynda66]

This could have been written by me, Nicos' words are as mine

I chose to leave a very very comfortable, content, secure life, well paid career, friends etc in Cornwall because if I wanted to be with Snowdrop (on a daily basis) I had to leave it all - Service life meant he would move around, I never once questioned that I would not move around with him.

If you love him, you will move.....or he will move to you....

i wish i could be certain ....... i've never found a man before i can trust 100% till now, and i think i'm scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me, it's weird, just typing is breaking my heart, i want to be with him so much, but i really can't give everything up again ....... in case it goes wrong ...... unless you've been in a position where you've lost everything, your happy secure life your money, your possessions i guess it's hard to explain how it feels ...... it takes something away from your heart, ....... i'm just so scared of being there again ...... however much i love him.

[smallblueplanet]

So move up there and rent your place out.

[Alice]

If my husband was in Timbuktoo that's where I would be - even if I had to walk there.

[piskieinboots]

i wish i could be certain ....... i've never found a man before i can trust 100% till now.

no one can ever be 100% certain about anyone

and i think i'm scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me....

which you stand a chance of doing if you two don't sort ya sh!te out soon

... unless you've been in a position where you've lost everything, your happy secure life your money, your possessions i guess it's hard to explain how it feels ......

been there twice before - would do the same all over again

[lynda66]

Lynda!Firstly(((x))),secondly,don't use Rob as your excuse to not move(I'm sure you're not doing it deliberately,but I'm sure he'd feel like c^*p if he knew or thought you were forgoing your happiness to fulfill a promise you made whilst he was still dependant on you)Thirdly,I have absolutely no idea what you should do for the best!!Only you know that!Fourthly!!!What are the waiting lists for lotties like in Barrow?I know it's not the same as just popping out the backdoor to your garden..but would enable you to still keep your chooks & grow your veggies(not sure how easy your chook house would be to move,but hey...there's always EBay!
And finally....((((Fairy hugs))))& a little dust blown your way to try & help you make your decision.xx

I 'm not trying to blame rob .... i'm just not ready to leave him to the big wide world on his own yet ..... he's my baby, and he will always come first, i don't want to be 3 hours away if he needs me .... truth be told i miss him so much ...... and much more than i miss the OH ........ i can't imagine not seeing him for 2 months
mostly in excess of 5 years lol ....... definitely not moving now

i wish that fairy dust could sort it all out for me but thanks for the hugs fairy ones tickle

[di]

i wish i could be certain ....... i've never found a man before i can trust 100% till now, and i think i'm scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me, it's weird, just typing is breaking my heart, i want to be with him so much, but i really can't give everything up again ....... in case it goes wrong ...... unless you've been in a position where you've lost everything, your happy secure life your money, your possessions i guess it's hard to explain how it feels ...... it takes something away from your heart, ....... i'm just so scared of being there again ...... however much i love him.

Never met a man you could trust 100% 'til now.......meaning you have now?Therefore answer 1!
Also~clinging to your happy safe life in order that you don't loose it~but for the sake of losing possibly an even happier one!
I said it just earlier~only you know how you truly feel,but are you throwing away an opportunity to be happy,just cos you like the security of where you're at now?

[lynda66]

no one can ever be 100% certain about anyone


which you stand a chance of doing if you two don't sort ya sh!te out soon


been there twice before - would do the same all over again

yeah but i'm a stubborn old cow lol ....... maybe part of how i'm feeling is that if he said he'd even consider moving to manchester, then i'd consider moving there ...... but the fact he won't maybe makes me more wary

and yes i can guarantee 100% he wouldn't go off with someone else ..... which actually is my main worry ....... every bloke i've ever been with has either used me for boxing practice, or gone off with someone else ...... i know he wouldn't do that ...... but ...... he's male lol

yes i'm just crap at knowing what to do ...... and maybe just not confident enough in myself to take that plunge.

[nelliegemini]

OK - So you could ...

Oh I can't do this - deep in your heart you know what you need to do - I don't. Your lad is a responsibility and a dependent, but he has effectively left home. Your OH is in a town you don't like.

As smallblueplanet says, can you rent your place out? Or could you arrange temporary chook/cat/dog/son care and visit for a fortnight or three weeks. Not to get it out of your system but more of a 'make or break'. If you have a reasonable long time in the dread place Barrow you may think 'I can't go home now' or, 'It's been lovely, but I need to get home'.

I have no kids, so can't feel what you feel, but surely one day your lad will find a partner, perhaps tomorrow - if he doesn't want to come home quite so often, will Barrow seem quite so awful (apart from the OH that is ).

What I'm trying to say is just this once - be selfish and do what you want for yourself, not for anyone else

[lynda66]

I said it just earlier~only you know how you truly feel,but are you throwing away an opportunity to be happy,just cos you like the security of where you're at now?

probably i just don't know what to do and i'm totally freaked out by how i'm feeling right now ........ i think it's partly rob leaving home that's affected me much more than i thought it had. .

[lynda66]

by the way, thanks ....... to all of you, i still don't know what to do but it's giving me lots to think about (ok, and make me cry over) so hugs to all of you xxxx

[bobleponge]

Lynda, whichever way it works good luck.
Seahorse, I am completely with you by the way. Like most people of a certain age, life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but I am now very happy with mine. I live on my own, my OH lives in a different country, but we are very fond of each other and we make it work. If it ever turned into a situation where we decided we couldnt spend our waking moments without each other then we would have to discuss, but as it is currently, things are great.
And it means if I do choose to leave my smelly pants on my floor, I shall do!!!!!
(Just for the record, I am quite sad and always put things where they should be, so they dont stay there long).