fed up :( don't know what to do

[SueA]

Hope everything goes O.K. this weekend Lynda. Can't help feeling that it's just you who is being asked to give everything up & maybe there should be some kind of compromise but wishing you well whatever you decide.

[Marthaclematis]

Sorry you're going through this and I know its hard when you're in love but as SueA says, it does seem that it is you who are being asked to give everything up. And with your past experience I can see that you would be very reticent. You love this man, that is clear, but I can't help thinking about what the future might hold... you say he is disabled, and he now has a diagnosis of diabetes. The cynic in me is thinking 'of course he doesn't want to move, he wants to stay where he's comfortable, where he's got mum and sister at his beck and call and his house set up - lets face it, he isn't going to get MORE able is he? And with you there, that would be THREE women to look after him. I think you are right to think about your own needs. For now and for the rest of your life - what would your life be with this man, presuming you stay fit and healthy you would be his carer... who would look after you should you get ill ? Not him, he won't be able.
Sorry, I don't even know you - please don't take offence, I wish you the very best but I think sometimes we don't think straight when we're in love!

[Irie Jan]

maybe i could just get a gardening houseworking half naked handyman for those occasions when i need a ermmmm cuddle

how the hell do you end something that's so wonderful when you're together, but so crap when your apart??

HI Lynda! I like that first bit of your quoat, sounds like a good plan to me! Can I borrow the it?

As for the other bit I wish I knew the answer to that one! I also wish I could ask how my ex made his mind up about us, when he quit the UK! Might have been of help to you! It was so hard to see him again back in June, to realise I still love him and then to loose him all over again!

Trinidad is a lovely thought, however is not an option for me!! There are many reasons, some much like some of yours, i.e.: I'm worried if I gave up everything and it all wrong, then I would be 4'430 ish miles from home, friends and whatever family that would not have already disowned me! Remember I said I would loose my daughter if I went back with him, she really does not like him at all!! She is not a child anymore, she is old enough to have her own home partner and life, I know she meant what she said!! Then there is my son, my aging mother and my 5 cats! On top of all that, soon after he moved out there the ex said I would not be able to stay out there for good or work out there! I wonder now was it all a fob off? I'm not sure how he managed It, except to say although he is Jamaican, he already has some family and friends living in Trini!

My heart goes out to you given your situation Lynda, is deffo not an easy one! In the words of Gyption one of my fave singers
"Ican feel your Paine!" I truly wish I could be of some help to you. Soul searching can be a fruitless task sometimes!!

{{{{{{{Huge hugs to you}}}}}}}

[moggssue]

Ohhh, Lynda, I really do feel for you. I was in that situation 3 years ago. I was in Chester, OH was nr Windsor, a 3-hr motorway drive away. Because he had young children there was no way he was going to move, I was scared of losing the home, friends and independence I'd built up after a previous divorce so we commuted for four years, only having every other weekend together and the occasional summer holiday. Then my dad got ill, died, and my mum went to pieces. No way could I leave her so we carried on for another two years (five in total). Eventually we reached make or break, had a few real heart to hearts, a lot of tears and soul searching, and in the end I decided to go for it and make the move. I left my job, home, family and friends to build a new life with the man I loved. Now I'm happier than I've ever been, have such good friends here, a social life I could never have believed, and his family are now my family. It hasnt been all plain sailing, there have been plenty of tears along the way over the last three years and sometimes I wondered if I'd done the right thing, but I don't want to end my life thinking 'what if'.

I realise everybody's situation is totally different, and I didnt have any children of my own to consider, but think of what you'd lose and what you'd gain?! Us females can be so strong, but lets not forget about happiness as well.

Whatever you decide, think of yourself first, foremost and always - YOU are the most important person in your life and YOU deserve nothing but love and happiness. Take your time to make the right decision honey.

Sorry, I've rambled, I'll go away now .... with lots of big [[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]] and loving thoughts.