The Sadest Month

[Stacey Steve]

I've had my laugh over the last few days, trying to get a reaction but now November has finally kicked in with me.

It usually happens about the time of Remberance Sunday,

I have a small family because the extended family were decimated during the 1st & 2nd World Wars, like many families.

However November from now on marks very personal events:
The following people died that were very close to me: Number 2 son, my Dad, my big Sister & all four Grandparents.

I am not saying this because I'm after a raft of responses & sympathy but more of a statement.

I just wanted to say this because you are all people I can say things to, I don't "know" any of you but you seem like minded people, so I feel you may understand how I feel at present.

Like every year, I will get over it but I hurt.

[FionaH]

Not sure what to say. Loss and grief are hard things to bear. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Fi

[Jameslovell]

I am sure this won't help, but I would rather remember them and hurt for a short period of time than forget about them.

Hurting when you missing someone makes you treasure the people who are around you now.

I hope that the month brings you some joy.

Jay

[maytreefrannie]

Good wishes to you, Steve, unfortunately no one can take away that sadness.

The thing is, November here (in Ireland) is traditionally considered to be the month we remember those who have gone before - in addition, I feel the weather at this time of year is often so dull and damp (here) that it lends itself to introspection and sadness.

It's the mark of a decent person that they feel sadness - by remembering your loved ones, you are acknowledging their place in the world. Though they've now left this world, their place in it is still evident in you. And they still have a place in your world. The love and caring you show is proof that their influence in your life has been for good. They've helped to mould you into the person you are today.

I don't know if you believe in an afterlife (don't even know if I do), but it's obvious you're a thoughtful person and that in itself shows that the time your loved ones shared with you has been put to good account.

Best wishes Steve.

[valmarg]

Stacey, I think you might just find this poem sums it all up.

No sun - no moon
No morn - no noon
No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.

No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds
NOVEMBER

One of my old aunt's, whose birthday was in November, used to quote this poem.

valmarg

[rustylady]

Hi Stacey Steve. My thoughts are with you. We all seem to have "bad" months, and I feel that November is a bad month even without your anniversaries. Try to take some comfort, and look forward. Best wishes, RL.

[Seahorse]

What a hard time for you Steve. Although it doesn't make it any easier, we might all rationally expect to lose grandparents, parents and even siblings but to lose a child must take you to the very edge.

Hang in there.

[Stacey Steve]

Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

I was feeling particularly down when I wrote the above, I suppose this happens to all of us, where things suddenly wash over you. And certainly some things are never really over but just lurking in the background.

I must admit that I've been tested with some of the things that I always said "Must be a parents worse nightmare", I've got through them but they have and still do take their toll.

Again thanks

[zazen999]

You wouldn't be human if these things didn't take their toll.

As Beavis and Butthead said - you've gotta have the bad stuff to appreciate the good stuff [I paraphrased that].

Take care of yourself

xxx

[jackie j]

Such sad losses and all in the same month hard for anyone to bear, but hang in there. Normally on Rememberance Sunday I feel at a loss thinking of people that have died in my family Dad, Mum and like you I have lost one of my big sisters just over a year ago, this year for some reason I was ok, a few tears and able to sing the hymns at the memorial I usually cant say a word.
Hugs to you.

[Nicos]

I'm slowly seeing the comparisons between living in France compared to England. Some of it is definitely for the better.

As far as 1st November is concerned....it is a type of Bank Holiday. Everywhere is closed and the day is set aside to remember the dead.
People can be seen carrying bouquets and plants of chrysanthemums to place of their family graves.
It's a lovely time to reflect on one's departed loved ones.
Maybe your own 'remembrance' gesture would help you grieve on that day SS???...and help you pull together your feelings so it's a bit easier for the rest of the month??
Perhaps try and write down a few happy memories from each person, and if you're feeling low you can read/add to the collection of precious memories???

Not a nice time for you, and you'll never forget them. xx

[SlugLobber]

Hugs to all those missing someone that they've lost. ((())) xx

[Flummery]

November is always a month of remembrance - but remember that it start with All Saints day - November 1st. We think of our departed loved ones as joining the 'communion of saints'. They've made it - we're still trying.

[Rhona]

You have had some dreadful losses and you're bound to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Anyone who has lost someone close will understand - my beloved father died when I was 16 and it never really goes away, but then I don't want it to, if you know what I mean? Hope you're ok. x

[Adrastea]

My thoughts are with everyone who has lost someone dear to them. I try to remember the happy times and hope that one day we will meet again...