Does the naughty step work?

[bluemoon]

When my kids were little and hard to manage the health visitor suggested dried pasta in a jar. When the kids were good, they got a pasta added to the jar, when they misbehaved, a pasta was taken out. When the jar was full, they got to choose a toy. It really worked as the kids could see them building up. They were also competitive, which helped. They're now 14 and 11 and have fond memories of their pasta jars.

Brilliant idea, my parents ran a similar scam, telling us that Santa's little elf kept a record book and that we'd get a black mark in it if we were naughty. X number of black marks meant one less toy at Christmas (we never did find out how many the magic number was) It worked in a fashion, in that a year is forever to a kid so it was only really effective from September onwards.

[di]

Just wanted to agree with Shirl about remembering there's a huge difference between the odd (well earnt!!) smack & a beating.I know I had plenty of smacks in my childhood & I honestly don't thinkit's left me eternally traumatised.......there seems to be so much out there...media/govt/H.V's,lecturing us as to how detrimental to their mental wellbeing a smack is,that we're left racked with guilt when/if we do,but in reality I think we've all(or at least most of us)smacked our children,be it as an intentional punishment or because our temper has taken us by surprise.

& as for being a perfect mum...??I reckon it sounds like we're all pretty damn close!!

[madmax]

Some interesting posts folks. I was never hit or smacked as a child. My mother didn't believe in it. Instead she believed in psychological punishments. And they were far, far worse.

Many a time Shirls and I have been complimented on our two boys (thanks for the compliment Piskie - spent that 50 quid yet?). Shirley and I are strict with the boys but we are always rational and reasonable, explaining issues to them. It is all about discipline. No parent is perfect and parenting is a constant learning curve.

However, I am not one of these PC namby pamby parents. If MK1 or MK2 bites me - they get bitten back. If MK2 hits me (he has done so once), he gets hit back. How else will they learn that things hurt and they cannot do these things? I do not believe in beating, there is no call for that. But a short sharp smack across the back of the legs or backside works wonders. Shirley has even mimicked these actions in public and that stopped them in their tracks!

I say bring back corporal punishment. It worked at my school - I got the cane when I broke the rules. It convinced me never break that rule again - and I am grateful for the discipline that was meted out. Folks might say these kind of punishments are old, cruel and draconian. But they worked.

[lynda66]

totally agree madmax ...... there is too much mollycoddling at times ...... when the soft approach doesn't work, a smack often does ............... but when faced with a headmaster standing there with his cane in the hand made most of the kids behave, there was never anything near the number of kids that would be rude to teachers ...... but then we'd crap ourselves if we were being bad and a policeman went past, nowadays they'd throw bricks at him ...... but we knew if we didn't get a clip round the ear of him we'd been lucky,...... but then you had to go home and face the wrath of parent for a policeman turning up at the door......... everything has gone far too soft nowadays, every child thats basically a little b***ard, now has adhd or something ........ why do they not realise with some (not all some are genuine i admit) af the little s***s if they'd had the odd smack when they were little they would have learned to control themselves much younger, and actually respond to a bit of discipline ........ anyway that's my bit lol .... was getting carried away there for a minute

[BrideXIII]

I know this thread was started by a GOOD mum shocked at her own reaction, but.........dammit didn't it just highlight how much we are all the same, all trying to do the best despite the constraints laid on us by a nanny state? pity government forgot to listen to us, the ones that have to do it day after day, and do it damn well.

[jackie j]

One thing I could never do was bite my son back, he bit a little girls finger and it went blue when he was a toddler, and I tried but I just couldnt, his punishment was he was not allowed to go to toddler group for a couple of weeks he didnt like that and asked me why so I told him cos he bit x finger and hurt her, he said sorry and I appoligised to the mum, must have been ok though as later when at primary school she was his girlfriend !!!
When I worked evenings not long after me and OH got married my youngest son became very quite and when I asked him why he said my OH had hit him hard ( stepdad ) I found out the following morning on way to school I went balistic and told him if he ever did that again he would be out and he wouldnt even get to see his daughter, about a year later my son told CAP that were visiting school and I had social services at my door. I had to wake up my daughter for them to check on her and then they took me to school where I was confronted with the headmaster and social workers with my son, they asked him all sorts of questions and checked him over for bruising, he didnt have any. I was in shock and my OH was intervied and my other 3 sons.
If that could happen then and he was only seen once how come this baby was seen so many times and nothing was done.

[BrideXIII]

well i can't blame any mother for not biting her child back, nor can i one who has.

son1 was 15 months when son2 was born, one day when son2 was ...6 months? in his highchair, i went to the kitchen, in plain sight, but back turned for a second...and in that time he had a full on bitemark on his cheek from son1.

yes i bit son1, carefully applying pressure so as not to break the skin, but to teach him how much he hurt the baby, and i bit down till it was enough to hurt, just enough, he never bit again, although the bite on his brother was not the first time, it was the last.
I agree, that in some cases, if they are too young to know what they are doing hurts, and you are not going to damage them, show them how it hurts.

i did smack my 2 year old, but.... he had a predeliction for sticking pencils in plug sockets, the day i caught him with a metal spoon trying to do the same, a smack may have saved his life.

[Finedon.Dandy]

Thanks for all the wonderful constructive posts. Thanks also for all the compliments - I AM a GOOD Mum - I just need to keep telling myself that till I believe it!

I think my problem is I am still trying to impress my Mum (step Mum who adoped me when I was 3) and make sure she does love me as much as my two younger sisters (step really but we dont look on each other as such). Apparently I used to bite as a young toddler (often drawing blood) but I think that was from the confusion in my young life (didnt know my birth Mum as was only a baby when she died but Dad had to take me to a nursery every day so he could still work, then of course they we the odd weekends when I stayed at my Nans so Dad could have some time to himself) so I can understand how easy it is for a toddler to be "angry".

I am also cursed with a bossy, abrasive nature and so am often found being the one to keep the peace, make amends, appologise for my actions (even if to everyone else they seem fine) as you may all have noticed. I lack confidence too and often wonder if perhaps my parents wernt so perfect after all or I wouldnt have these "problems".

So isnt human nature such a complex thing, its amazing any of us ever get it right so I think perhaps we ALL need to give ourselves a pat on the back.

Tammy


By the way, m'laddo was very good at playschool today, tried it on alot tonight (would have been so easy to have had a repeat performance) but I kept very calm, kept my voice reasonable and have tried to ignore bad behaviour and def ignore mischeif that wasnt doing any real harm. He didnt sit at the table for the whole meal but eventualy the threat of no cake worked and he sat up as good as gold. I have given him lots of cuddle and postphoned dinner to do a floor puzzle with him. They are both sat watching tv at mo before I give them a bath. Thanks again for helping me make amends.

[BrideXIII]

praise works wonders, far more than punishement hun.
that goes for him and you
you are a good mum, and he is a good kid, you both mess up occassionally, so what, you both have to live and learn.
stop thinking you have to be perfect, he doesn't, nor do you, do your best, teach him to do his, and learn....both of you , to forgive yourself when you fail a little bit, because KNOWING you have messed up, is better than not realising.

[lynda66]

yes you are a good mum ...... what's the definition of that ..... keeping them safe, educating them, cuddling them, loving them, wanting the best for them, and asking for help when you aren't sure ........ and i'm sure theres many more i've missed out ........ you are all of those ...... and i wish i had had a mum like you xxxx

[Finedon.Dandy]

Aww Lynda - thats lovely! So you must be what? 20? (cos I am 37 so if I am your Mum then......!!!)

[lynda66]

Aww Lynda - thats lovely! So you must be what? 20? (cos I am 37 so if I am your Mum then......!!!)

see you even have the art of flattery down to a T

[NOG]

Does anyone have any experience of this working please?

Tammy

works every time, no-one has been late since I introduced it at work.

If they are really bad they have to do the stationary order.

[BrideXIII]

works every time, no-one has been late since I introduced it at work.

If they are really bad they have to do the stationary order.

as opposed to the stationary cupboard, which is the source of all that is wonderful and mysterious.................oops went all Pratchett again there

[zazen999]

hmm...stationery cupboards...hmm

The best bit about becoming management is not ever being asked why you are ordering whatever from the catalogue - as you have the responsibility to sign off and buy whatever the heck you want...