Gardeners Rest #16 ( 2021)

[greenishfing]

"Oh, I think they're getting dolled up ready for Rudolph to come and collect them. Santa is going to borrow them to spread a bit of Christmas cheer", replied Rary. The smiles seemed to be applying copious amounts of lipstick

[Snoop Puss]

Or was it they had been digging into mothhawk's latest batch of jam? Either way, the smiles were looking rather pleased with themselves.

A blob of what really did look like jam plopped down onto the map in Rary's hands. Curiously, it fell right into the middle of the skewwhiff cross on the map.

Snoop got out her phone again and googled the spelling of that very bizarre-looking word. But no, it was right. Very odd.

But nowhere near as odd as the tree, which seemed to be growing even as they all stood there. Did the skewwhiff cross mark the tree? Were they supposed to climb up it? Rary hoped they weren't supposed to dig under it, as he didn't think his back would cope, nor would his wife approve...

[rary]

But felt it would be unfair to ask any of the older ones to climb up the tree, anyway there might be some golden fruit up near the top, if not there must be some ripe fruit up there and with that he could make some...

[Snoop Puss]

bait suitable for catching the golden goose. Or not.

The fairy was starting to get a bit impatient. She was dressed for decorating a tree indoors, not for hanging around in a Scottish garden. Greenishfing and mothhawk were also stamping their feet up and down, feeling the chill.

Nicos spotted their discomfort and, feeling sorry them and for herself, for she too was feeling the cold, said...

[rary]

Do you think we could ask rary to lend us his kilt, we could use that as a blanket to wrap round us to keep warm, he doesn't seem to feel the cold, just look at him, remember when we were young and the cold wasn't a problem, why even Snoop would....

[mothhawk]

..........never believe rary had ever been young. Let's go back indoors and....

[Snoop Puss]

I'll make another G&T. We can look at the map in comfort then. Plus, we need to check on Fluffy, make sure she's not spiked herself to an armchair, and see if Lottie has turned up from wherever she went off to."

Snoop was relieved that she wasn't going to have to comment on Rary's age or youth and vigorously nodded in agreement.

"Right", said Nick, "Best leg forward"...

[Nicos]

…so everyone stood in a line next to each other hitching up skirts and trouser legs comparing who had the hairiest, knobbliest legs…

”ooerr “ , cried Nicos and MH at the same time….

[mothhawk]

...you don't see that very often, do you? Nick sniggered and Snoop giggled. Instead of traditional kilt hose, Rary was wearing...

[greenishfing]

Several pairs of hand knitted children's leg warmers which were attempting to cut off his circulation.

"Should legs be that colour?" asked Snoop.

[mothhawk]

...not with a kilt and ghillie brogues, said MH. Goodness knows where he found those, let's get him unwrapped before he's seen by...

[Nicos]

……a Dulux scout looking for new colour shades to include in their 2022 colour chart ….

[Nicos]

….”But…but…but …”, cried Rary….

[Snoop Puss]

"These were knitted for me by various members of my family - not all of them female, I hasten to add - and I have to wear all of them so as not to offend any of them."

There was a bit of a delay while everyone pondered on the merits of this argument.

"Plus they keep my legs warm."

Everyone nodded sagely, understanding that this would indeed be true.

"Plus I've got strong arms but Nick has got strong legs..."

[mothhawk]

...of mutton sleeves on his shirt and I was trying to beat him in the fashion stakes.

Give it up, Rary, said Nicos, you're never going to be....