really annoyed, need to rant

[Flummery]

Deary me. I know who's acting like the children here - and it's not the little one (or you of course!

[Seahorse]

What a rotten situation T_S I hope there's some comfort in knowing that you're clearly the better person here and you're doing all the right things. As everyone else has said, Little One will see that and appreciate it. Hang in there!

[di]

Sorry this is still causing grief...by the sounds of it even more.

Lovely as it would be to keep things simple & just arrange visits between yourselves,both sides have got to be reasonable for it to work.I know it's hassle you probably could have done without,but getting formal access through the courts seems like the best option.At least then you'll be able to plan for your weekends without having them insist you change them to suit their needs.

As for the pathetic spiteful comments that have been made...you know they're not true,as I'm sure Littl'n does too.(and more than likely her mum & stepdad do too,which is probably why they're trying to drag you down)Try & stay strong & rise above it.xxx
Oh & Good Luck if you do decide to take it to court!x

[Hazel at the Hill]

Don't despair - surely it's only a matter of time before the stepdad buggers off - he hardly sounds like a settled down family man with 8 kids by 6 women.

I'd still formalise things through the courts.

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

I'm gob smacked. I know people use children as pawns but to hear about it is, well gob smacking. If I was you TS, I would be dragging MR TS to a very good lawyer, not for him or you but for the sake of the wee one.

[janeyo]

Are you sure she thinks you have germs and not WORMS? Maybe it's a garden reference!

[Sprocket*]

Have been thinking about this all day and have decided a couple of things:
1) She doesn't want him but how dare he be happy with you!
2) She really enjoyed picking blackberries but daren't tell her mum that she did because she is aware of the upset that is being caused...
3) They obviously are the milk comes from a milk bottle sort of person and do not appreciate fresh food. Picking things from the hedgerow would mean GERMS!!!

My sisters father-in-law and I do not talk after he abused me for giving my nephew a feather. Apparently they are full of germs as are leaves and everything else. When I was younger we all went away as a family and stayed on a dairy farm The farmer let me get involved in milking and then gave us some fresh from the cow milk, fabulous. He didn't want any as it wasn't pasturised and therefore wasn't drinkable... aggghhhh

Hold your head up high and try to smile - I know it is hard!

[Bramble_killer]

Hi TS, been reading the posts on here and just wondering about taking them to court to formalise the arrangements, it's quite nice when it's a bit informal as you can then ask to take her for an extra day or a holiday but if it's written down you can be sure the new stepdad and the mum won't budge from the written word.

I sympathise with how you feel, I'm a new stepparent and it's confusing for all parties involved.

Good luck in getting it sorted

[jackie j]

What a sorry mess this is. Mum for not taking control of the situation and Dad for not standing up to ex. I was left with four boys aged 4 yrs to 14 yrs my ex remarried soon after, her kids were allowed to stay with them at weekends his were not, hers were allowed to live with them when they were older, his were not. He had to drop everything for her kids even go to the opposite end of the country to pick them up yet his own kids were left to get themselves home. Loads more I could say.
Now my boys are aged 21yrs to 30yrs who do they come running to when in need of help or comfort, who do they want to spend time with, why me of course because I was with them every single day. They moan costantly about their dad, I have never slagged him off to them or commented to them about his behaviour.
Mr TS and you seem to be the one's that she will come to when old enough if you continue to treat her the way you are. She probably feels you have taken her daddy away from her, they dont understand and he needs to explain things to her in a gentle way, she is crying out for attention perhaps she doesnt get much at home and doesnt know how to behave with you. If you are confident with her and let her know when she upsets you, dont let her get away with what she does or says that is wrong, even if mr ts doesnt like it, she is getting away with bad behaviour cos no one wants to upset her. Let her cry ( hard mum I am ) as long as she is not coming to any harm. She will soon get the message that you will not tolerate her behaviour. Kids need consistancy in their lives.
Hugs to you ts hpe it gets better for all of you.

[Seahorse]

FWIW, I expect Mr T_S is blinded by terror at the thought of 'getting it wrong' and ending up losing his little girl We all know he leaves his pants on the floor and won't measure anything twice but if he's got an ounce of sense, he'll come round on this one and see that, even if painful in the short term, your approach is the best way to go.

Oh... and have a glass of this rhubarb schnapps I'm just sampling

[rustylady]

Sorry, TS- but what are you supposed to phone the witch for??

[kirsty b]

Dammit TS - don't phone her!! You have done nothing wrong. I really hope he's not implying you have anything to apologise for.

As for the about face on supporting you, well is your couch comfy? and how does he like kipping there? Better still...the coalshed....

[Comfreyfan]

TS it's just all so much rubbish. I know how awful and difficult it all is, wish I had some wise words to offer, but there's never an easy solution and it's just about working through it, one problem at a time.

I do agree with everyone else, time will come when she'll work it all out for herself.

[TPeers]

I really feel for you TS - I have never been in your situation and hope I never will be but for anyone in this boat the national mediation service is there, professional, child oriented and a lot cheaper than a solicitor! And as far as I understand it there is no need for Mr TS and EX to be in the same room at the same time!

[Rocketron]

Two Sheds, from your many posts on this forum, it is apparent that you are with a "See You Next Tuesday".
Bin him off !