really annoyed, need to rant

[RickinDarwen]

Two Sheds, from your many posts on this forum, it is apparent that you are with a "See You Next Tuesday".
Bin him off !

A bit harsh but as I suggested you can't put your life on hold while someone else is making you miserable with their baggage.

You deserve more happiness out of life.

[lizzylemon]

OMG what a dreadful situation for you to be in. I really feel for you: a partner who doesn't know what to do or how to do it so pretends it's not happening. A partners horrible ex-wife (or whatever) who appears to be hell bent on making everyone miserable (herself included) and then there's you and the little one being pulled in every direction by everyone else. It must feel very lonely being faced with such a monumental problem with aparanetly little or no support.

Massive hugs from us Suffolk/Cambs boundry peeps.

Maybe it's gone too far for you to sort out on your own now - maybe an mediator is needed? I know Relate offer a family counciling service which is supposed to be very good. They also ask for contribution payments according to what you can afford so you don't have to worry about not being able to afford it and top of everything else.

Seems like this could be a deal breaker for all of you so I hope it gets resolved amicably and sensibly.

[Bramble_killer]

What does he want to phone you about? That is most important.

I met OH's ex, just the two of us before meeting the children to work out the power levels. Basically, I reassured her that they were still her children, I was there to be an adult but the decisions regarding the children would be made by OH when they were in our house. It was easier later.

OH was completely adamant that there was no reason for us to meet nor to talk about anything but it was necessary for her to win that game so I let her and then she became better about him seeing the children. At the end of the day, I would rather let her think what she liked about me than to stop the children, they mean the world to him.

[TPeers]

Ok - Silly question time. I seem to remember that you are not in the best of physical condition but do you go out to work? If not can I suggest that you consider if it is a possibility for you - just something that will get you out of the house on a fixed or semi-fixed schedule. Perhaps volunteering somewhere local.

I suggest this because it is so easy for ones partner to take one for granted if you are always at home. If you come home 'tired and disheartened' and grip at him, flop in a chair and are 'too tired' to do anything (including ring for a pizza) maybe the shoe will pinch.

Won't help your current dilema but might save the partnership!

[shoreham_steve]

My ex wife told our teenage kids all sorts of things about me when we split up. It took them a while to realise it was all rubbish. Then it started again when I began a new relationship, this time aimed at my new partner.
The situation has improved over time (nine years!!) and she now admits that it was her way of dealing with it all.
The only advice I can give is to rise above it and let your step daughter make up her own mind about you, her Dad and the overall situation because as she grows older she will realise that although there is back biting, it is coming from one direction.
By the way, when we seperated, my wife and I shared the house 50/50 - she got the inside!!
I hope things improve for you very soon. Hang in there.

[Two_Sheds]

I seem to remember that you are not in the best of physical condition but do you go out to work?

Yes, I work in a local primary school, part time. I am SO glad to be back there, dealing with 12 special needs children ... they seem so much easier!

Today I found my favourite "school" dress has had flourescent yellow pen drawn all over it.
It was clean when I ironed it at the weekend.

A couple of months ago "someone" took scissors to a duvet in my fabric room

I've told Mr S (without placing any blame, I'm just letting him know what is happening) and he says "I'm sure she wouldn't do that"

So ... it must have been the parrot then

[TPeers]

That is one troubled child!

One is tempted to suggest that the ex and her partner could do with a few hard home truths.

How not to win friends and infuence people!

Okay, so Mr TS has a middle name 'Ostrich' and ex is a sad sack bullied by her current spouse. Who, apart from you, is on the child's side?

How much like interference would it be if you wrote to the girls school and 'worried' about the stress on the little one due to the very fluid home situation?

[Bramble_killer]

Yes, I work in a local primary school, part time. I am SO glad to be back there, dealing with 12 special needs children ... they seem so much easier!

Today I found my favourite "school" dress has had flourescent yellow pen drawn all over it.
It was clean when I ironed it at the weekend.

A couple of months ago "someone" took scissors to a duvet in my fabric room

I've told Mr S (without placing any blame, I'm just letting him know what is happening) and he says "I'm sure she wouldn't do that"

So ... it must have been the parrot then

Maybe it's a bit better if she doesn't get round much. It sounds like a horrible nighmare situation to be in but maybe a good idea would be to go away for the weekend when she's around and let him deal with it and you go away and have a good time?

He takes it out on you because you let him but perhaps he needs to realise that you are unhappy being the only outlet he has?

big hugs, so sorry you're having such a rough time

[maytreefrannie]

Yes, I work in a local primary school, part time. I am SO glad to be back there, dealing with 12 special needs children ... they seem so much easier!

Today I found my favourite "school" dress has had flourescent yellow pen drawn all over it.
It was clean when I ironed it at the weekend.

A couple of months ago "someone" took scissors to a duvet in my fabric room

I've told Mr S (without placing any blame, I'm just letting him know what is happening) and he says "I'm sure she wouldn't do that"

So ... it must have been the parrot then

TS, I'm not sure how to say this, but it seems to me the child is trying to get your attention by doing these things - she may not even realise why she does them.

I could only say, keep calm and keep on being the good person you are - I agree with those others who say the little one will eventually realise you've been on her side all along.

I believe formal access would be a good thing, though of course it's the dad who'd have to apply for this, not you. While I'm not making excuses, I feel Mr S is upset and worried that he will be totally excluded if he asserts himself.

Good wishes.

[PAULW]

TS
It sounds like its a good job you are there or the kid would be plonked in front of the tele watching football or racing, this is a simular situation my ex bil got into he promised to take the kids out and they ended up in front of the tele and it ended up my neice locked herself in the toilet and refused to spend the day with him,
It sounds like mr ts needs to grow up and start taking responsability for his spawn, any idiot can get a bird up the duff but it takes a real man to be a father, and you should stop letting him treat you as a doormat you are supposed to be in a relationship not a whipping post.

[zazen999]

Don't worry TS - soon all she will want to do is Wii/xbox/internet/telly. And woe betide you if you want her to do anything but......don't you know that going for walks - sorry taking a poor child on a walk is EVIL. Children shouldn't have to walk, especially when there is TV to be watched or XBOX games to be played.

It's a wonder I've not been reported to the social services for making my OH's DD do such things as WALK around. Travesty.

12 going on 21....


[She will sit in the car when we get to places because her parents always open the back door for her......needless to say I don't but she will just sit there....expecting the car to open the door itself possibly???].

[Hilary B]

TS, I don't know you as well as some of the longer-established posters do, but it sounds like you are being the punch-bag for everything.
Sure the child needs what you seem to be the only one giving her, but YOU don't need what results from it!
If Mr Ostrich won't see the need fr HIM to do anything, then maybe you do need to 'walk away' from the situation, i.e. STOP doing all the right things and getting nothing but grief for it.
Maybe it is time for a bit of 'tough love', and the view from my keyboard suggests that in this case it consists of refusing to have anything to do with the whole thing. Let the lot of them stew in their own juice for a while, and see where that leads.

[HayleyB]

Umm, having read all this I think Hilary B's advice is sound, TBH TS I think I'd have walked ages ago, you're stronger than me

[MrsC]

TS, just re-read these posts and I PM'd you at the time you started the thread, don't know if you remember? (offering my support) Sorry guys if I upset people on here, but I know a hell of a lot about 'contact orders' and court etc and please don't think 'because if it is written on a court order' it means everything will go as it states on the 'court order.' It means s**t unless you have got loads of money and I mean thousands as we have spent that, not a couple of thousands, serious money! Don't even get me started on this subject, because you would not believe it! I have never spoke about this on here before. TS - if you want info then please pm me, I mean that! Take care xxxxx

[TPeers]

Having just done a survey on divorce - no I'm not thinking of it - it's a long story...

Mediation service approx cost £3-4k

Solicitor £15-20K