Gardeners Rest #19 (2024)

[Snoop Puss]

But Nicos was in luck. Snoop was at the front of the queue and, in true Spanish style at the fishmongers, brazenly said very loudly, 'Oh there you are, I've saved your place for you'. The people at the back of the queue were so taken aback at this barefaced cheek that their jaws dropped but their mouths said nothing as Nicos sauntered past, flashing her fluorescent lippy left and right as she grinned. It really wasn't like her to behave this badly, but for a French pompier she would.

Snoop had missed the board games and snacks as her nap had gone on rather longer than she'd meant it to - those beds really are extremely comfy - and had leapt out of bed at the crack of dawn. She'd had tea instead of coffee and had refused to look in the fairy's direction and was ready for anything the day might throw at her, including the French pompier...

[bramble]

Bramble joined the end of the queue as she had the longest journey.
I dont fancy my chances of getting a massage from a French fireman what eith sll the perps ahead of her.
She saw her friends Nicos and Snoop at the top of the queue and waved yo thrm in the hope they might have kept her a place but unfortunately they were having none of it...
She left the queue and went in search of other entertainment....as she walked around the corner she saw.....

[lottie dolly]

Miz Spelling came rushing in to calm down the line of eager women,she anounced,ladies it has been decided that the offer will open up to all of you currently present,(well,they not to know that is was never reduced in the first place,but did get them in)Bramble was so releived,she walks off to see Mrs Go-4it,as i need to know the names of the final contestants in the bake off,and when the the first one is to take place,so other events can go ahead,she gave a look at the fairy and smiled,

[Nicos]

At that moment Miz Spelling spotted someone trying to squeeze through a rather small window opening into the spa…legs akimbo and wearing fishnet stockings….

[greenishfing]

The face wasn't yet visible. Nicos ran forward and began to tickle the offending feet. They danced a jig in mid air ..... and then fell back out of the window.

"I'm sure those legs belong to ..........

[Snoop Puss]

... François, the pompier français who lives down the road from me. Though to be sure, Nicos thought, I've never seen him in fishnet stockings. Not sure if I fancy him as the masseur. He is rather too fond of that smelly sausage andouillette, cheap brandy and cigars.

Meanwhile, the fairy winked at Miz Spelling...

[greenishfing]

Mrs Go-4it appeared to inform everybody that the four poisoned Bake Off contestants were back and the first round would commence that afternoon. There were now only six contestants in total, as two had eloped to Gretna Green overnight.

The contestants were:

Mr Bourbon
Mrs Bell
Captain Morgan
Miss Smirnoff
Madame Courvoisier
Herr H Wallbanger

Mrs Go-4it did wonder if there were some assumed names here, but decided to let them have the benefit of the doubt.

Gingerbread creations were to be the order of the day. The bigger and more ostentatious the better.

[Florence Fennel]

Nicos would be a likely winner in that round, if only she could stop eating the practice batches.

[greenishfing]

Mrs Go-4it went to hunt down Nicos to convince her to be a " celebrity" contestant for the Gingerbread round......

[Snoop Puss]

Phew! thought Snoop. I'd much rather be a judge for this round than a contestant.

In fact, come to think of it, she was actually rather peckish. She'd got up so early that breakfast was a dim and distant memory. She made her way to the dining room and picked up a flag to get the waiter's attention. Before she'd so much as wafted it...

[Nicos]

I’d love to be a contestant please called Nicos.
In fact can I please enter these?….
Its officer Crabtree ( looking a bit more like someone out of Dixon of Docks Green) and two members of the Resistance….

[Florence Fennel]

A waiter approached Snoop, snatched the flag and said Que? I know nothing, but eventually I take your order. He was a very small man with a large moustache and Snoop thought he looked familiar.

[lottie dolly]

Hello all said Miz Spelling,i also was thinking about who that reminds me,then i got it MR Charles Chaplin ghost,(well surely did not expect a residence of this age not to have ghost's of some sort),how is the ginger bread bake of part doing,and to thank Mrs Go-4it for sorting it out,and to wish the participants well,may the best cook win.then of she goes to check out the french massager for herself,wow she nearly fainted at the sight of him,phaw those ripling,flexing body parts,little wonder there is still ladies waiting to see him,although i do wonder how may have round again,she reminded all present that the evening would be relaxing time in the lounge after such a hectic,day,others please make your way to the bar for some fun and a sing song

[Snoop Puss]

Hmm, Snoop thought to herself. I know I know this man, but at the same time, seeing as I have face blindness, I know I don't know him. François the French pompier? Unlikely. Manuel from Fawlty Towers? Could be, in fact had to be. But which one? The Manuel from Barcelona on British telly or the Manuel from Mexico on Spanish telly? Manuel, anyway. She'd talk to him and see if she could tell by his accent.

I'd like a café con leche and a rollo de salchicha.

Que? Que?, said the waiter. Well, it was true that she'd made up 'rollo de salchicha', seeing as they don't have sausage rolls in Spain like the UK ones. But she was suspicious. No upside down question mark and no accent on the e. Judging by that and his somewhat odd accent, he certainly wasn't either Spanish or Mexican. An imposter Manuel? Or indeed, was this man even a waiter?

Edited to add:
Aha! Charlie Chaplin's ghost!! What a relief Miz Spelling had arrived with the answer before Snoop had made an almighty idiot of herself.

[greenishfing]

...meanwhile in the baking tent, two of the contestants had been banned from the Gingerbread round for putting anatomically correct, but, as far as Mrs Go-4it could see, in her limited experience, greatly exaggerated body parts on their Gingerbread men. "We were going to give these to the local infants school" she snarled. Mr Bourbon and Mrs Bell left to drown their sorrows at their suspension.... and plot their revenge!

The other four entrants finished their entries and they were carried into the bar along with Nicos's entry for blind judging......