Such a Sad Story

[jackie j]

I heard this today from someone I know
A child was adopted at birth and now the adoptive parents have had their own child they no longer want the adopted child, The child is now of primary school age and is with foster parents. How awful is this. you go into adoption I would have thought with eyes open and if you are luckily enough to then have your own you should have thought about the what IF first. I feel so sad for the child involved, but having met the child I am sure the child will be ok, a bright well behaved and a credit to anyone. I wish I could have the child.

[allotmentlady]

how awful, insensitive, i will refrain from saying what i really think but probably the same as most peeps who read this post.......

[Bephlam]

Disgusting - people never fail to amaze me!

[jackie j]

I was totally gobsmacked when I met foster parent and child ,friend of friend etc, I wont say what I thought about the situation I might get banned. I wont reveal any details of child for reasons one can understand. Child seems to be taking it all in stride, settled in really well only been with foster parents less than a week has been accepted in local school just has to go for visits before starting proper, thing is child will be uprooted again nobody knows when could be weeks months or longer. Came with loads of clothes.

[Marthaclematis]

This story is really bizzare. There must be more to it - if that child was adopted at birth then it would be 'their' child, they would love it as their own... I know sometimes one can favour one child over another but not to the extent that you would 'send the adopted one back' No... Adopted children often come with lots of trauma. It must be that this child was born with big issues, possibly inherited mental health problems and the parents have been unable to keep themselves, their pets and perhaps even the new baby, safe. And it takes a lot for Social Services to accept a family disruption - its not just a case of saying 'we don't want her anymore' - you have to work with therapists and mental health proffessionals at the highest level in order for them to see that to keep that child would physically endanger others in the family. It must have been awful for the parents to have to let her go.
And as for that Foster Carer actually telling you what happened is very unprofessional (not wonder they get a bad name from some quarters) - she's not even your friend; just a 'friend of a friend'; confidentiallity if extremely important in their role, that poor childs very unfortunate business has now been bandied about on an 'open forum'. She is no credit to her proffession.

[pjh75]

I know nothing about the adoption process, but can the adoptive parents do that? Just change their mind? In theory does that mean the birth parents could change their mind after that amount of time too?! I don't understand!! I thought that adoption was final, after the "cooling off" period - I know that's not the right term, but you get what I mean.

[sarraceniac]

how awful, insensitive, i will refrain from saying what i really think but probably the same as most peeps who read this post.......

Quite. No comment except to say a child is not a commodity to give pleasure to adults. That is a by-product.

[jackie j]

There is nothing wrong with the child The adoptive parents decided they couldnt cope with two children I have met the child, what happens if the parents have another child of their own will they decide they dont want their first born.

[pjh75]

It just doesn't make sense that they could love a child for 5+ years and then just stop - as I said above, I don't understand!!

[jackie j]

Niether do any of us. I purposly havent said where the child lives or will be going to school or real age or sex or anything that will put any one in the know.

[Marthaclematis]

Well we know where you live because your location is here! And you telling us isn't the issue, you are not a foster carer so wouldn't know about the confidentiality issue, but the foster carer certainly does, its a very very important part of the job. She has broken a massive tennant of fostering by discussing a child's details. It really is appalling what she's done.
And no, you can't just give a child away once its adopted - the child is legally yours, to place a child back into the care system would be like placing your own birth child into the care system.... there would have to be major issues nearing family breakdown. Something major must have happened and have been happening for quite some time. I know of a family where the eldest adopted child nearly killed the new baby... the family are in turmoil, they are desperate not to have the child placed outside of the home and are (at last) getting help in the form of intensive therapy for the child and for the family as a whole. They have been fighting for help for this child for a long time and it took something this serious for social services to pull their finger out. And just because the child is presenting well to the foster carer and perhaps even to therapists doesn't mean that all is ok. Attachment dysfunction (as its called) is a complex disorder and children usually seem absolutely charming to outsiders, its part of the problem.
It does seem very sad for all concerned.

[jackie j]

You may well know where I live that doesnt mean that the child or in fact the foster parents live any where near me they could live anywhere as they are not from around me. No that isnt the issue we have heard enough stories in the news recently where children have been let down by social services, not true of all I know.

[Alice]

I'm with Marthaclematis on this one. There is much more to the story than meets the eye. You just can't phone Social Services and say I don't want this child anymore - adopted or not.
And the foster parent has NO BUSINESS TO BE DISCUSSING THAT CHILDS BACKGROUND WITH ANYBODY.

[bluemoon]

As a former foster parent I agree with the worries over confidentiality. But it is not true that you have to go through some complex process to abandon a child in this way. Many kids end up in 'voluntary' care, I know, I've cared for them. All a parent has to do is to phone social services and say they're kicking the child out on to the street and social workers have no option but to go and pick the child up. I admit that I've only dealt with teenagers, but I'd imagine it would be the same for younger children too. What I never did understand was why these parents were not prosecuted as I'm sure that child abandonment is an offence.

[allotmentlady]

I was so angry and upset the other day when I read this story. Here goes...

Nobody should make judgement unless you know the full facts. There is probably more to this than meets the eye. Whatever the situation, the adopter or fosterer maybe needed someone to talk too, we are all human after all. Maybe a quiet word in her ear just saying that it shouldnt be for all and sundry to hear might help.

Poor kids.