I feel for my Neighbours

[jackie j]

My over the back neighbours who'm I have known for 20years have just had their first baby, she was born early cos mum was ill on the 13th November, mum was in hospital for three weeks which included two weeks after the baby was born weighing 5 lbs, unfortunatly the baby has a hole in the heart and needs to be operated on but she wasnt feeding or putting on weight. I have found out today that they spent all of christmas in hospital and were allowed home for new year and went back, they came home last night. The hospital wanted the baby to be tube fed every three hours but she kept being sick so the parents have brought her home and the hospital agreed for them to feed her less but every two hours. They have had such conflicting advice from the hospital they dont know what to do, they want mum to continue to express her milk which she is freezing just in case but the consultant says its ok for her to stop. The mum doesnt have any parents or brother /sisters her parents died years ago. The dad's mum isnt very helpful abd didnt want them to have a baby at their age of 42 and 46yrs. The baby needs to put on a bit more weight before they can operate which will be done in Bristol.
My heart really goes out to them, I have been very lucky that all my children have been very healthy.
I dont know how best to support them at this time, I have offered my house for them to be able to rest a while, as mum cant settle while dad sees to baby or to babysit while they get some rest they are both exhausted. I have offered to look after cats and guinea pigs while they are at the hospital.
Is there any thing else I can do.

[blue411]

I think knowing someone is there to help them should they need it will be a massive help and a weight lifted off their shoulders.Not many people would offer to do what you have, your very kind.

[running_muttley]

Make them a meal. With all that they're doing for their baby they'l not have a moment. Something they can reheat would be good.

[jackie j]

They are a nice couple and I have known them for so long, we have looked after each others pets etc over the years. I have never been in their posistion and she is a bit blonde and I dont mean that to sound offensive. Sorry to any blondes. They dont have any family to speak of. I was a bit shocked when I went in, to see him feeding the baby in her moses basket, but she is being tube fed, this might be how thet have to do it, but I would want to at least pick the baby up, she slept right through it never stirred.

[HeyWayne]

You sound like my kinda neighbour jackie - your neighbours are very lucky to have you.

Hope things get sorted for them soon.

[NSB]

Just cook them a meal now and then, even if they say no just turn up with a dush of something, why dont you offer to sit with the baby whilst she has a long bath or they go and have a sleep for a couple of hours, just so they can both relax.

Otherwse bits of shopping or just a familiar face popping in

[Sanjo]

Just be there for them and obviously you have let them know that you are. Do they have your phone number in case anything drastic happens in the night and they need reassurance. You are doing all you can. I am sure your support is really appreciated, especially as they don't have their own. Be thinking of you all. Sandra

[SarzWix]

When I was at my wits end with tiredness & lack of help, the one thing guaranteed to tip me over the edge was washing the dishes... Perhaps when you call round you could do oneor two little jobs like that, if they wouldn't be offended? Small things to you will probably be a huge help to them!

[jackie j]

Just cook them a meal now and then, even if they say no just turn up with a dush of something, why dont you offer to sit with the baby whilst she has a long bath or they go and have a sleep for a couple of hours, just so they can both relax.

Otherwse bits of shopping or just a familiar face popping in

Hadnt thought about a meal but have offered to sit while they rest one at a time if they dont both want to leave her, at least if they came to my house to rest they wouldnt hear the baby, or if one of them brought the baby to mine the other one might sleep better in their own bed.
I dont want to interfere but no one has told her how to stop expressing her milk, just do it. I told her to speak to the hospital or consultant before she makes up her mind about that. They really have no idea what to do, I have only ever seen mum holding the baby once and that was when she first came home and was being fed. Bearing in mind I am not with them 24/7 but they probably do.
She also has a hernia and I think something else but not sure what.

[Flummery]

Surely they have a health visitor? It's usual when a baby is very young. I'd be getting her advice on this sort of thing. She'll be more use than the GP or heart people at the hospital I'd have thought. Well done for doing what you can. I'm sure they appreciate you.

[jackie j]

They have spent so long in hospital and have only come home to see how she does, if the baby puts on weight she will stay at home if by thursday her weight is the same or less she will be back in mum stays with her and dad is there but usually comes home very late at night and goes back first thing in the morning. I dont think the health visitor will be calling unless asked to do so depending how long they are at home.
The baby is lovely I can see she has put on weight cos I havent seen her since she was born she now weighs about 7lb she has masses of dark hair and looks just like her dad, everyone is shocked by her hair as we all, including mum and dad expected her to be fair like mum .

[ardroil]

what a lovely lady you are, we all could do with a kind neighbour like you,
i hope all goes well

[Rhona]

Well done for doing what you're doing Jackie. I agree with Flummery though - it seems a bit odd that there's no regular follow up care. Someone I know is having to tube feed her new baby for completely different reasons and they get tons of support and advice, which they need, even though they're capable people. Sounds like your neighbour needs to get in touch with HV asap.

Neighbourly help is welcome I'm sure, but it sounds like they need some professional input too.

[kirsty b]

Jackie, I think you are a wonderful caring friend. Its the little things that get noticed the most.
I wish your friends all the best and a speedy, safe progress for the baby. I do hope they start to get a bit more help at home from professionals though.

[SarzWix]

If the baby is soo young, wouldn't it still be the midwives visiting? The Health Visitor doesn't usually come until you've been home for 2 weeks or so? And even then, they don't stay for very long, half an hour or so, certainly wouldn't be sticking around to wash the dishes and make the tea