depression

[petal]

I have been off work nearly 9 weeks with a stress related disorder(good old fashioned 'nervous breakdown' though they don't call it that anymore), I attempted to go back but coped with 3 days bullying from a certain person before relapsing again. I can cope with eejits normally(crush 'em) but not when I am going through an episode. I so want to return to normality, it is so frustrating !

[FionaH]

Oh hon I have been where you are now. Take the time you need and it will get better, hugs

[The amateur]

They called my episode psychological trauma and I took it out on the garden! Take care of yourself.

[miffy]

Four years ago i was at a school with a 'fast track' head teacher. She was like the bitch queen from hell, if you did exactly what she wanted you were fine, she worked her way through the staff she saw as a challenge and picked them off one by one, even very strong characters were unable to cope with her. She finally worked her way round to me and started picking at my Reception class when i said what she was asking me to do was not right for the children i signed my death warrant, there followed 8 months of hell, i lost my confidence, self esteem and lots of weight.
In the end like you i went to the doctor as i hadn't eaten anything for 4 weeks and he signed me off, i didn't want to leave work, i didn't want to leave my class with no one to stand up for them but i had to.
Like you i wanted to be 'normal' again, i only got better though when i stopped thinking about work, about doing my job and did the things that i knew i could a. cope with b. would occupy my mind c. i could see a tangible result. I re did my garden, decorated my bedroom, sorted the shed, and repointed the house!! None of these were related to my work but they made my environment better, took my mind off things and enabled me to apply for jobs, get appointed and go back to work again all be it in another school. Not suggesting you move but take my advice do something you love and can emerse yourself in to give your mind rest and most importantly talk to people when you need to get things off your chest. I will be more than happy to listen, send me messages any time you like and if you want my home email i will give it to you. You will get better i promise. x

[Stacey Steve]

This was one of the reasons I took on my allotments. It gave me another avenue to channel my thoughts and efforts.

Finding a kindred spirit is so important, someone you can talk to and will understand. I had plenty of people around me who would listen but could not understand, they meant well I know but they just couldn't relate to what I was saying.

I did find someone and being able to really express myself was a wonderful help.

I must admit that when I wanted to go back to work, I was actually scared to enter the building on my own and had to ring a work mate to come outside and help me in.

At first all I really wanted to do was run away out of there but each day got a little easier.

[bubblewrap]

I left my last job three & a half years ago.
I was working in a council run care home & quite enjoyed working there then it was privatised & everything changed I wont go into details .......But.
I was on a council contract (Better wages & conditions) & was put under increasing pressure I got the impression the "new" owners wanted rid of the people with council contracts.
I handed in my notice & went on the sick(stress) for a month(notice period) then claimed JSA.
I have not worked since.
On the bright side I get pension credits in just over three weeks.

[Comfreyfan]

Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. When you're ready, you can go back and crush the eejit. But until then grow something, spend more time here and relax!

[di]

this needs addressing, but then you know that don't you.

Oh how I despise bullying types!! If you don't feel able to 'push her/him back' do please speak to someone in Management - if (s)he is Management then go higher or sidewise - but please don't try to cope with it yourself if you feel vulnerable.

ooooh bullies

seconded!!!....regardless off your present "stress related order"...you should not have to put up with bullying!!...even if you were feeling on top of the world,bullying is totally dispicable & wrong & can wear down the strongest!!
Report it now!
((((x)))))Di.

[jackie j]

this needs addressing, but then you know that don't you.

Oh how I despise bullying types!! If you don't feel able to 'push her/him back' do please speak to someone in Management - if (s)he is Management then go higher or sidewise - but please don't try to cope with it yourself if you feel vulnerable.

ooooh bullies

I agree the bullying has to stop, why do they always get away with it
I hope you get better soon, a worrying time for you, the plus side is you have more time to spend in your garden spring is on its way.
Hugs and dont let the bully get you down. You have lots of friends on here.

[Two_Sheds]

I attempted to go back but coped with 3 days bullying from a certain person before relapsing again. I can cope with eejits normally

They really have a way of getting under your skin don't they? Where normally you wouldn't be bothered.
When I was 18 I was bullied by my first boss, who liked to reduce her trainees to tears. It happened again when I was 22 under a different boss (bullying was endemic in the company's management team, all the way up, so the Grievance Procedure was utterly not worth the paper it was printed on).

I was not given the correct training for my job, training courses were cancelled, and then I was blamed when things went wrong. I wasn't included in meetings or forwarded memoes; I was shouted at on the shop floor and if I left to have a cry in the loo, I was followed in there.

It was like I was always being set up for a fall, you know? It was bullying, and I tried to rise above it for a whole year.

I was put under incredible pressure to return to work while I had glandular fever and like a fool I did. I became pretty ill, and left the company, and had to settle for half the pay and less responsibility.

-------------
You may never change the bully, but you may be able to change the way you react to them. If you can't, you may need to change your job, sadly. It's not fair, but your mental health is more important.

[SlugLobber]

Hope you feel better soon, Petal. I've been at the hands of bullies throughout most of school and university and know what misery it causes. If it's so bad that you cannot face work, then I agree, it needs addressing. Childish methods are best, such as glue in the car lock, angel delight in the coat pockets, screwdriver sticking up through their seat...sorry, just going through all the things I would have loved to do to my bullies. Trouble is, we never act like them, do we? Get better soon. xx

[Nicos]

Bullying at work?
See your line manager- if it's them...then go to theirs.
Put in a grievance in writing.
They are legally obliged to investigate- and remedy the problem.
If you are a member of a Union- get them involved now.
No-one has the right to get away with bullying.
It is affecting your health and it must be remedied- the longer you leave things the harder it will be to recover- you need to feel that someone is on your side and supporting you through this.
If the workplace has made you ill, and nothing is changed, then you'll never be strong enough to return there.
If the management don't do their utmost to remedy the situation- then you can refuse to return and claim constructive dismissal.
Lets hope it doesn't go that far.
..always a good idea to write down what has happened with approx dates- and who was aware/witnessed the bullying.
CAB may be able to help if you have no Union

I wish you luck xx

[Two_Sheds]

Nicos is correct about what you should do, in an ideal world. Definitely keep a diary of what is said/done and when and by whom.

Sometimes the stress of going through a grievance procedure is too much though, if you are already unwell / fragile. You may also get labelled as a troublemaker; you won't get a good reference; you might also (worst case scenario) become unemployable.

Is there somebody higher up that you can confide in, before you make it all formal?

[Hilary B]

One approach, which may get you onto the Nicos route (yes that IS the proper answer, if you can do it, but as Two Sheds says, not everyone can) is to 'compartmentalise'. Put aside part of your mind for coping with the 'organic fertilizer, possibly bovine', and don't allow any of it to reach you anywhere else. When it gets to much, go 'elsewhere' in your mind. Initially I had to 'switch off' with a book or similar in order to get away from what bugged me, but I did learn how to do it while still getting on with things (usually) in the end.

[krazy_krok]

Hi Petal,

Having been bullyied at work i knw how hard it can be, along with other problems it led to my depression about 5 years ago now. When things are not going smoothly the last thing you want is some egotistical immature fool trying to make them selves look/feel better about their insecure selves. There are ways of dealing with bullies:
1) Report them yourselve you'll be supprised how much your backed as most company's don't want these kind of people working for them.
2) Confront them and let them know it's effecting you, thus giving them chance to change their ways
3) Tell another collegue who can do either of the above for you, if it's brought to the attention of others they can 'whitle blow', saving confrontation with the person.

Hang in there and don't rush anything. Spend time with friends and family and do things you enjoy. Most importantly if your feeling better in your self and a return to work and normality is what you need don't let 1 simple minded fool stop you from doing this take action, bullies are usually the weakest of people insecure in them selves so take action, i did and it was the best thing i'd ever done-seen him as the weak pathetic excuse of a man he really was.

Best Wishes,

Krazy_krok