Round two with BIL

[jackie j]

Most of you know about my BIL and 13 yr old niece. The latest is that my sister and her OH have been to soliciters for advice and have been advised to have duel parenting with my BIL, they had a chat with him about this as the next step if he doesnt agree is to go to court about where she lives etc.
This will involve him giving up any financial benefits that he continues to recieve, his reaction to this was as we expected and he said he would go bankcrupt !!! He really makes my blood boil, he didnt give his daughter a christmas presenT, it is her birthday next week and he has no intentions of giving her anything no card no present, yet he expects my sister and her OH to give her a present ( they always have ) and to entertain her friends with no thought about how they can afford it. They were declared bankcrupt themselves and are on pension credits. They have just payed out for her to be in panto they had to pay for the little things that she needed as well as a weekly contribution, which he wouldnt go to said he couldnt afford £7 for the ticket, he wouldnt attend the school for her GCSE options. He is supposed to give them £40 a week but doesnt make the effort to give it to them, yet he still gets the child benefit, tax credits etc for her. They were told that they could be in trouble because they are on benefits and havent declared the money he is supposed to give them that they could end up in trouble, they didnt even think about it.
My niece in the mean time is so much better we have had problems with her but she is learning and while at the panto someone said to my sister that she is a credit to them and my sister said no she is a credit to her mum.
I dont know how to end this rant from me.
Thanks for reading and your continued support.
They have now sent the information back to the solicitors and he will be hearing from them

[kirsty b]

Good luck to all of you involved. There is going to be no quick or painless way to do this, but it sounds as though your other BIL and sister are doing the best they can. Any sensible solicitor (or judge if it went that far) would see that I hope. Also your neice is old enough for her feelings to be heard and taken into account too.

[janeyo]

There are several words I would like to use to express my thoughts. the most polite ends in 'hole'.

The lass is way better off away from him with people who love her and support her.

Good luck with it all.

[Nicos]

One step at a time....

My thoughts are with you x

[Hilary B]

If he is receiving the Child benefit etc, and not handing over the equivalent, he is a benefit fraud, and he should be reported for it. Declaring money you do not actually receive is a tricky one. I would make a statement about the non-payment of it.

[SlugLobber]

Agree with Hilary. If he's receiving benefits for a dependant and she isn't seeing any of it, then he's committing fraud. However, if your sister becomes her legal guardian, then in theory the benefits should be transferred, although it will affect their own, slightly. In this country you only win if you sit on your rear end and do nowt, it seems!

[lynda66]

i'd ring the benefit fraud hotline ....... and go to the DSS and explain everything, as they haven't had any money for her they can't get in trouble, so he will go bankrupt tuff, he'll have to get off his ar$e and get a job, I'd also get the social services on side, they will be a big help when it comes to court,

I reckon he's had enough chances, nows the time to do it by the book, and shock him into realising he's given his daughter up, why the hell should he profit from that ????

[zazen999]

Jackie - what a nightmare hon.

Stay strong - she needs you.

xxx

[jackie j]

Repoted end of last year so far nothing done. Sister will be claiming anything she can get. He will have to move he lives in private rented three bedroom house he doesnt need that much space, rent would be cheaper, rents are very high in this area anyway. He has also been pensioned off as he is in his 60's and does struggle not that I am defending him, far from it. Its my sister that deals with most of it as it is them that it affects, her own husband has had both shoulders operated on in the last few months and this is something she could do without. How they manage I do not know, I help where I can mostly by being an ear. BIL never phones to find out if his daughter is ok then when he hears gossip in the pub he might contact my sister but more often not. My sister is in the process of writing an open letter to the rest of his family who live mostly in bham, even his daughter from his first marriage cant get it into him that he is the parent esp when he said he gives up. He gave up before she was born cos he didnt want her, we would never tell her that tho cos her mum so wanted her.
Why do all the good ones die first.

[maytreefrannie]

Very difficult for all of you - your niece already had the sadness of losing her mother, but she's blessed in having her loving mother's loving family taking care of her and looking out for her.

Hoping that it gets sorted to your and sister and BiL's satisfaction - which would be in the best way for your niece.

Best wishes.

[Pootle]

I really feel for all of you - especially your niece.

I thought the situation with child benefit is that it goes to the person with whom the child actually lives - so that should be reasonably straightforward to sort out. In fact there was a poster up at school about just such situations - I'll see if I can find the details for you.

Will be thinking of you all

[di]

Sorry,I don't understand how come he's still getting the tax credits & child benefit if she is no longer living with him???It definately needs to be reported & changed.Even if guardianship hasn't been legally passed over to your sister I thought whoever the child was living with should be the reciever of these benefits....has your sister actually informed the relevant people that your niece is living with them?
Is the solicitor sorting out the benfits/tax credits as well as custody??If not,personally I'd be straight on the phone to inform them of a change in circumstances....obviously check with the solicitor first.
Hope it can all be worked out for the best soon!

[lynda66]

takes me back to when i was in hospital for 3 weeks, when son was little, came out to find his dad had transferred child benefit to him,

i would definitely get her to go into the DSS and make a claim for your niece, then they get the money they are entitled to, and he will lose the money he isn't entitled to, why the hell should your sister look after the child for nothing, he really needs a shock, and the DSS will make sure they get the cash and not him.

[Two_Sheds]

Repoted end of last year so far nothing done.

I don't understand why DSS aren't onto him? I thought they were cracking down on benefit cheats?
Maybe they just need a bit more info, or something?
It needs sorting, so you can all get on with your lives

[lynda66]

actually, you should go along to the local benefits advice centre or cab, and they will tell you what you are entitled to and how to help, as there is no official court order in place, i can't see why he is still getting the money he's not entitled to...... and it's making me cross.