Jokes

[mrs dog]

Nuns and soap is the same only different to the lights out at 10 candles out at half past. Yes I went to a convent too, We had to think of something to amuse us. I mean taking the mikki8 out of the nuns not the other!!!!

[angeleyezx]

Eve's Side Of The Story

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

'So, how is everything going?' enquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain,' reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced,' as she put it.

'That is a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.' And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

'Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'you know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put that useless tit?


Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib version?

[Birdie Wife]

That made me giggle... thanks angeleye!

[mrs dog]

The Athiest and the Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.


He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.



At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:


'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen

[lottie dolly]

Exelent Mrs Dog

[Alison C]

Hahahaha, Im giggling as I type.

[Tracey]

Thanks for that Mrs Dog Passed it on

[mrs dog]

He's down at the pub with all the other useless t***s!!!

[HeyWayne]

Typical of a woman to be in Eden and still not being happy though!

*runs*

[Alison C]

Originally posted by angeleyezxNow doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib version?

You said it girl!!

[dexterdoglancashire]

excellent! thanks for the laugh! Bernie aka DDL

[mrs dog]

I do hope you are still running hw and that you can run fast! lol

[mrs dog]

found an even better one but bit worried its too near the knuckle and could get me in deep doodoo!!lol

[Nicos]

Wally's wedding night

At 75, Wally married Anne, a libidinous 50 year old.

Anne decides, before they spend their first night together, that they should sleep in separate bedrooms because she didn’t want to risk harming her elderly husband with the passionate desires of a woman of her age.

On their first night together, Wally enters Anne’s bed and they joyously become one. All goes well and after Wally leaves Anne, she prepares to go to sleep. However, after a few minutes, Wally enters her bed again, obviously ready for more coupling. Altho somewhat surprised, and just a bit concerned, Anne happily consents. And boy is she happy that she does, because Wally is even more adept than he was the first time. After experiencing Nirvana with her, Wally bids her goodnight and again leaves.

Anne once again prepares for sleep, but, ah-ha, you guessed it, after a short time, Wally returns yet again eager for more love-making.

And, once again, Anne is most pleased.

As Wally again prepares to leave, Anne happily gushes, 'I’ve been with much younger guys, Wally, and they couldn’t love me so well and so often during a single night. You are such a joy!'

Somewhat embarrassed, Wally asks: .......'You mean I was here already?'

[Flummery]

Ha Nicos! Your holiday's done you good!