Jokes

[terrier]

How do you know it wasn't a man who made up that joke

[bubblewrap]

No comment?

YouTube - If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life - with Gant.

[seasprout]

Love it....

[Shortie]

Hi Lady Jana, I've merged you joke into the jokes thread we used to use as it's a good way to keep all the jokes together

[bubblewrap]

Another joke? George W Bush.

[bubblewrap]

What do Retired people do all day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes but when we came out there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how about giving an OAP a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a few choice names. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more names we called him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired, it's important.
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[Shortie]

I love it BW... had to read that one to Mr Shortie

[HeyWayne]

When I say I'm broke, I'm broke!

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" I said. "I haven't got any money!", "I'm broke!" and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder."
I stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a 'kin good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of 'broke' do you not understand?"

[Snadger]

Nice one HeyWayne!

[zazen999]

Having a bad day and that made me grin

Thanks

[veg4681]

Gosh, in the beginning I thought it was real until towards the end I realised it was your usual joke post, thank god for that...and it made me laugh too.

[Flummery]

Hope you gave him some custard to go with it!

[The Doctor]

Why didn't you just kick him back out the door and steal ALL his horse manure for the lottie???

[Winged one]

Difficult jigsaw puzzle for a Friday

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.



She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'



He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and, then ..'



……he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . ... . .





'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

[lottie dolly]

now that was very funny teeheehee not what you expect