How long should in-laws from overseas stay for a visit?

[Spangles]

Both my utlaws have toddled of this mortal coil. One day was all I could stand of my MIL - Mr Spangles is an only child and had everything done for him when he livd at home - she expected me to give up work so his dinner would be on the table when he came home Every time I saw her she drove me insane and how I didn't kill her I don't know. FIL in wasn't as bad but even he sent me mental - according to them both nobody was good enough for Mr Spangles and to add insult to injury he actually married me, a girl from Surrey and not a nice wee Scottish lassie

My mother, who died in January, used to come up from Surrey for 2 weeks a couple of times a year - don't know why cos after 4 days we were at each others throats.

Not much chance of my siter visitingwe have never got on and certainly not a snowballs chance in hell of one of my brothers visiting - we haven't spoken for 12 years, can't stand him and as long as stays hidden away in Camberley I'm a very happy bunny

Visitors are great a long as they only stay a couple of nights and bugger off again

[Rocketron]

This is my third Country I've lived in and it's befinately the best so far.
If you don't mind me asking, Redthorn, what were the other two ?

[Alice]

6 weeks Growem ! I'd be losing my mind.

Well done to you for extending your hospitality and remaining civil for that length of time.

I just need my own time and space. Just selfish - maybe.

[amandaandherveg]

5 minutes.

[Juniper and Thyme]

6 weeks is a great achievement! I voted for 3-4 weeks and I would have to work full-time during that time to get me out of the house. My MiL drives me up the wall (FiL died 2 years ago but he could have stayed with us for as long as he liked 'cos I loved the old boy) but as my husband is her little darling and last of 10 children and so EXTRA precious to her, I think I would insist that he take the time off to entertain her. Oh, and I would make sure ALL the other 9 children had her to stay over for at least 2 nights each....this would mean actually she would be staying with us for just over a week, although I could claim the longer period!

[maytreefrannie]

I voted for 2 weeks but only because he'd travelled from the other side of the world!

I love my grandchildren and I don't have to do anything special when they come - I love their visits, but other visitors stress me, I feel there isn't enough room and I never feel I've 'tidied up' enough.

I think you deserve the Best Host Oscar for a six week visit.

[Growem]

6 weeks Growem ! I'd be losing my mind.

Well done to you for extending your hospitality and remaining civil for that length of time.

I just need my own time and space. Just selfish - maybe.

If only I could say I had remained civil that whole time! Well, I have for the most part, but yesterday morning when he started telling me about how I was doing something wrong with my 2 year old before I finished my breakfast, there was a certain sharpness in my response. He's not too much of a busybody, but there have been a few things he said and the timing of that comment was really bad. I don't even like answering polite questions like "what time is it?" before breakfast, so comments and opinions about my parenting style is really pushing it. Being pregnant and hormonal hasn't helped any of this either.

Ah well, venting to you lot and getting back answers that agree with my thoughts that 6 weeks is too long is a big comfort actually! Thanks everyone.

[zazen999]

My mum called last night to tell me that the planning permission has been granted on my brother's house to build a granny flat for her.....my SIL and her get on very well and she looks after my nieces regularly.....and will be doing more so when my SIL goes back to college next year.

Now, just got to sell her house to pay for the building works.....hmm...

I don't envy 6 weeks of a FIL who is opinionated in your house though.....well done you for staying calm.

[bobleponge]

I've had more than one set of outlaws, and to be honest I wouldnt really mind any of them staying if they had travelled half way round the world. The chances are that they would really be coming to see the grandkids anyway, so it would be churlish to deprive them of that, just because I couldnt be civil for 6 weeks. Having said all that, I would volunteer to go back to Iraq for most of it, but would be around for the first and last couple of days just to be polite.

[RedThorn]

This is my third Country I've lived in and it's definately the best so far.
If you don't mind me asking, Redthorn, what were the other two ?

I'm from Zimbabwe, from there I went to South Africa and now here

[bramble]

I think 6 weeks would be good, after all they would be coming from half way round the world.
The other thing you have to remember is, they ARE your OH's parents and perhaps the graandparents of your kids if you have any.
SO, be kind.

[Growem]

Bramble, I haven't been unkind. I just haven't been able to be the pleasant perfect, always in a good mood hostess for 6 weeks straight.

[Hilary B]

If family want to stay, they can be treated like family. That means NOT being treated as 'honoured guests' all the time. If they get on your nerves, you are entitled to say so (but make friends again afterwards). If FIL is outspoken about what you do, you can be outspoken in return (but as politely as you can manage).
Have they made any contribution to the fact that it is more expensive having them in your house, like paying for the shopping at times, or similar?

[Growem]

He has been helping lay down new flooring with my husband (something DH could not have even started on his own due to lack of experience with that sort of thing), which I think is the big pay-back, along with a few other small odd jobs. I'm not worried about that fact, but I agree Hilary, it's always nice when guests buy the groceries once or take you out to dinner. It helps you know that your efforts are appreciated.