Why are men so frustrating?

[Sprocket*]

Before I offend men then I apologise as I am sure you are not all like my OH!

Have just fallen out with the Husband and thought I should seek a non biased view! The argument was about the fact that I have to ASK him to do everything and he never thinks to do them without being asked. Essentially we both work in the same job but he thinks it acceptable that when we are on the same shifts that I should come home and cook whilst he sits and watches telly (AGGGGHHHH!!!!) and I should ask him to do it if I want help.....

Should I just give in and accept that he is thoughtless? or should he try and be more thoughtful? Feel like he takes me for granted but I know I am stubborn, independant etc... and don't like to be wrong! I do go out of my way to think about him but don't feel like he does.

Mood not going to get much better as am at work with 3 men tonight!!!

[taskey]

sit next to him on the sofa, watch tv and when he says "i'm hungry" you say me too, see what he does.

my hubby has the attitude that if i want him to do something, just ask. so i do. it used to cause so many arguments as i thought i was being hard done by. he was raised by a brilliant woman, but even now she runs around after his dad and i find it really hard to live like that - tried it and got even more angry. my hubby did not realise help was needed and still now will only help when asked - he just assumes i am ok as i have not asked him to help.

count to 10

Tracy

[Incy]

Hi Sprocket,
If you both work the same amount of time then maybe you should agree to share the work at home. Do be clear though on who does what when. My OH bless him frustrated me for years and then I finally told him and we agreed what his duties at home included. It has really worked for us although the difference was that that he wasn't working while I was and the only thing he did was cook
I'm so glad we had that 'honest' chat and sorted it out. It really helped the frustration levels and I now have avery helpful, loving OH
Good luck!

[HayleyB]

You'll find most of the men on here aren't normal so don't worry about offending them, unfortunately a number of us seem to be married to the same man - he's 'normal' - it is rare to find homo-domestic-sapien-useful-man they are virtually extinct

[OverWyreGrower]

I often have to ask Mr OWG to do routine things. I'm sure he geniunely doesn't notice that things need doing. He'll walk past piles of laundry etc waiting to go upstairs, then complain that he has no clean clothes upstairs, yet will have walked past the stuff three or four times.

He'll say that the kitchen is a mess, or that such-and-such isn't clean, but won't ever think that the dishwasher needs filling/putting on etc.

Recently, my hayfever has been atrocious, with me not being able to spend more than 5 minutes outdoors before my eyes etc swell up. Last night I went to dog training (as I do every week) at 8pm and returned at 10.30pm. Mr OWG, although being outside all night doing various little jobs, hadn't thought to lock the birds up, shut the polytunnel up etc. When I came home, I had to rush round doing the jobs, and ended up on the bed, eyes swollen shut and a wet cloth on my face.

Actually, most of the above makes me sound like a slovenly housewife! I'm not, it's just that I also work a full-time job, we have 16 animals, 1/3 of an acre and a house to deal with. Although we both have our 'own' jobs (e.g. I put the washing on, he cleans the bathroom etc), I find that the little day-to-day ones that are the stickies. Of course, when Mr OWG does put the dishwasher on etc, he will remind me of it for days!!

[veggielover]

My OH is not so bad, he won't do DIY, i do that, he won't garden, i do that, i even pull the bin out.... i cook, do the washing, keep the home tidy ( or at least i try) do the accounts, paperwork, make the necesary phonecalls, keep the kids and animals in order........ BUT he works monday to saturday 8 - 10 hours a day, he will then go to the shops for me, run me to wherever i want, fetch me cups of tea or cool drinks, prepare me snacks, all the little things that i probably take forgranted. I wouldn't change him for the world..... of course that won't stop me from moaning!!!!

[FionaH]

Blokes just dont seem to see things! I have come to understand that this is normal blokie behaviour!
I used to get really angry that Mr H always needed to be asked before he did anything, never thought to do stuff on his own, and never ever thought ahead. He will start looking for stuff to eat when he is hungry not take stuff out of the freezer in advance etc.
Now I just ask him to do stuff. My theory is that if I wanted independant thought I should have bought a labrador!

What really gets my goat is when I ask him to do stuff that I cant and he still doesnt do it! Thats when I get really hissy!

[Mac]

Hi, found this post just in time to have a rant. I work in a department (and have to share an office with) 5 men. Unbelievable!! They never do anything which I would call "share" jobs. And I am really starting to realise just how disgusting some of their habits are - clearing throats without covering mouths, shouting down the phone, standing with hands down front of trousers (pockets anyone!!??), biting finger nails and spiting the bits towards the bin (not into the bin). I've been in the same office as them for 4 1/2 years, so not sure why I've not noticed it before now. But am going quickly out of my brain!!

[Incy]

rofl Mac,
You either need to train them or switch office

[HeyWayne]

Based on the above posts I am forced to consider myself (not for the first time either) as ab-normal.

Our marriage is a partnership.

[rookie bear]

1 my wife and I sat down and agreed who does what and i think importantly when and frequency, that helps a lot

2 avoid 'helpful' reminders running up to a task being due makes you feel like a schoolboy being told to do homework and you dont do it then!!

3 if not done ask whether his plan is to do on saturday instead of whatever is planned - makes you live up to promise or face consequences

4 where possible ask in advance, nothing more annoying than being asked to sdo something now that could have been asked earlier - sure stuff crops uop and thats cool but stuff can also be planned and thats better

5 keep in mind that there are lots of things we dont care about, ditto for ladies - we just have to accept that we are likly to have different interests / focus and not try and turn a couple into a single person - that way does madness lie

[Mac]

rofl Mac,
You either need to train them or switch office

Unfortunately there are no other offices to switch to. I work in a sporting environment so I think the guys here are at the far end of the spectrum!

[Spangles]

You'll find most of the men on here aren't normal so don't worry about offending them, unfortunately a number of us seem to be married to the same man - he's 'normal' - it is rare to find homo-domestic-sapien-useful-man they are virtually extinct

Yep I'm married to the same man as most of you My OH sits and watches tele while I struggle with bags of compost then has the nerve to say I would have done that but you never asked

[Farmer_Gyles]

(sarcastic warped sense of humour mode ON)

men may have their faults, but women do too .... each month women go through a phase where they get ratty, moody, snarly and anything a bloke says or does is wrong .... then the 4th week they get PMT and best we keep our distance!

have you ever been on the receiving end of PMT??!!

(switch back to sensible mode)

i've been a single dad for 8.5 years .... i cook, clean, iron clothes, etc etc ..... i also work full time hours (self employed so flexible), go to evening classes to learn french, run a scout troop, do ALL the running around, have a veggie patch in the garden and an allotment

and i don't have any family to help cut the grass or whatever ..... it's all down to me

if i get ill, like i am now, i have to carry on regardless, i have no choice

i envy couples .... 2 incomes, 2 people to share the chores, each has someone for company, to give to and receive from ....... i don't because i'm single .....

last year was the first time i had birthday cards or presents from my kids ..... until last year, my kids were too young to go shopping on their own and nobody else took them ....

IMO you should think yourselves lucky you have partners ...... if you have gripes, sort them out ........

i'm always being told i'm not bad looking and got a wonderful son and everything going for me and that i'll meet someone one day ........ but hasnt happened yet ......

[kirsty b]

I think we finally have a balance worked out, and its only taken 10 years!! I do the majority of the housework, but I'm ok with that as I only work part time and I like things done my way too When I do awkward shifts at weekend, he can feed himself and the kids, he will tidy things but doesn't really 'do' hoovering or dusting. His permanent house job is dog poo patrol in the garden.
If I want something specific doing I will ask him to do it. Accepted long ago he wasn't a mind reader.

The best bit was when his ex came round with the boys once and was quite shocked when he started pottering round getting dinner on. She couldn't believe that I've got him doing so much as he never used to do a thing round the house when they were together. (had a private smug moment at that)