wonders why some parents have to be so competitive.....

[veggielover]

My childrens school have a green day today, its the end of a 4 week project, as part of the project the children were given seeds to plant, grow at home then return to the school this morning to be shown and prizes are to be given for tallest runner bean and tallest sunflower.

My son was not given his seed ( sunflower ) so can't take part.

My daughter has grown her runner bean and has taken it today, it has grown about 4 ft in 4 weeks and she was so chuffed, however we got to the school and saw some runners that have blatently been planted much longer than 4 weeks ago, one of them even had 5 or 6 full size runner beans grown on them!!! Now my 5 year old is absolutely gutted!

Why do some parents feel the need to cheat? does it make them feel important when their child wins a prize that is not deserved?

I may sound like i got a case of sour grapes but when i left my daughter she was upset, and its upset me

This project happens every year so parents know what to expect. Which gives them time to " cheat "

Ok rant over..... time for cup of coffee!!!

Would just like to add that it seemed to be the children of the PTA members that got the heads up!!!!

[shirlthegirl43]

If the teachers were worth their salt they would out the cheats and give the prize to the plants which had obviously only been grown for the contest time.

[Hilary B]

My childrens school have a green day today, its the end of a 4 week project, as part of the project the children were given seeds to plant, grow at home then return to the school this morning to be shown and prizes are to be given for tallest runner bean and tallest sunflower.

My son was not given his seed ( sunflower ) so can't take part.

My daughter has grown her runner bean and has taken it today, it has grown about 4 ft in 4 weeks and she was so chuffed, however we got to the school and saw some runners that have blatently been planted much longer than 4 weeks ago, one of them even had 5 or 6 full size runner beans grown on them!!! Now my 5 year old is absolutely gutted!

Why do some parents feel the need to cheat? does it make them feel important when their child wins a prize that is not deserved?

I may sound like i got a case of sour grapes but when i left my daughter she was upset, and its upset me

This project happens every year so parents know what to expect. Which gives them time to " cheat "

Ok rant over..... time for cup of coffee!!!

The school need to give out the seeds and see them planted, then the containers are known. Anything in the wrong container is not the official plant...... Even better, get them checked weekly; in this digital camera age, keeping a progress record is not difficult surely? Parental help is one thing, actually cheating like that is simply NOT ON!

[ckfe]

yeah i know what you mean.. when easter bonnet or making a crown at christmas comes around some of the kids are taking in absolute masterpieces whereas our daughter takes in one she's made herself with lots of cotton wool hanging off and splodges of paint

not sure if the parents are just being competitive or haven't got the patience to sit with their child for a couple of hours watching them make their own

[Incy]

My daughter has grown her runner bean and has taken it today, it has grown about 4 ft in 4 weeks and she was so chuffed, however we got to the school and saw some runners that have blatently been planted much longer than 4 weeks ago, one of them even had 5 or 6 full size runner beans grown on them!!! Now my 5 year old is absolutely gutted!

Why do some parents feel the need to cheat? does it make them feel important when their child wins a prize that is not deserved?


Ok rant over..... time for cup of coffee!!!

Aww Veggielover that sucks. Sadly there are some people who cannot let their child do things for themselves if it means they don't win.
I have friend who has battles over homework with her son every time he brings some home. The reason? Not that he doesn't want to do iot but that she won't let him do it his way as she thinks it will be wrong. The whole point of homework is so that teachers can work out what the children have/ haven't understood. It's ok for them to get it wrong as it shows what needs extra focus!

Tell you're daughter how long it takes from planting to harvest on a runner bean and explain that sometimes people think it's right to give their kids a helping hand when really it's not. She has the merit of having done it herself!
Maybe you could suggest the teachers being a little sneaky next year and giving the kids white flowering or an unusual variety of runner bean so that it will be visible if they are not the ones originally given

[ckfe]

Maybe you could suggest the teachers being a little sneaky next year and giving the kids white flowering or an unusual variety of runner bean so that it will be visible if they are not the ones originally given

ohhhh i like this idea

[bluemoon]

My eldest son loved football (still does, don't know why no-one else in the family is interested except my mum) Anyway, when he was about ten he joined a junior football team. OMG!!!!! Parents running up and down the touchline shouting advice and condemnation (and even threats to their own kids and other people's) They took it sooooo seriously, anyone would think it was a premiership match. There were we thinking it was a good way for him to get fresh air and exercise on a Sunday morning and there were they, obviously hoping that someone from Manchester was hiding, watching and ready to whisk their sons off to the big-time. I only attended the first game and left OH to deal with it after that.

[Bren In Pots]

however we got to the school and saw some runners that have blatently been planted much longer than 4 weeks ago, one of them even had 5 or 6 full size runner beans grown on them!!!

I agree its just not fair to the kids who have worked hard to look after their own beans. The teachers must have know something wasn't right so they might go along with giving out a while flowering variety next time.

Thinking about it they ought to enter their 'magic' super fast growing bean plant in the Guinness book of records.

[JimmerG]

It really is utterly hideous isn't it? My eldest will be starting school in September, and I'm DREADING the whole competitve parent thing. I can see its far too easy to get sucked into it. You want your child be good at everything, and it breaks your heart when they get upset about not being the best at something.

I was watching one of my children take part in a very casual swimming race, during a lesson - she missed the start because she was mucking around under water, but she eventually realised and set off. I then had this overwhelming feeling telling me to go and tell the teacher that the race wasnt fair as my DD had missed the start.... but luckily reason kicked in and I kept quiet. It REALLY didn't matter.

The way I try and get round it is to encourage my children to marvel at those who do better and try and acheive the same next time. They're often so impressed with - for example that 6 foot runner bean plant - that they forget they didn't win. But then my eldest is only 4 and VERY easily distracted!

Cheating is just rubbish - you can't cheat all your life - no one will like you. Half the time I find pushy parents, and smug parents how carp on and on about their children's boring acheivements are simply living their own life through their children, as they have no life of their own.

Oh well - we battle on, the highs and lows of bringing up children have been stressing out parents for 1000's of years, and will continue to do so for 1000's more.

Everything in moderation, step back every now and again and, and remind yourself what REALLY is important - Love and support.

Blimey - that turned into a bit of an essay. Best I do some work...

James

[bluemoon]

Personally I wonder how these parents can justify the cheating to their kids. It doesn't give them any valuable lessons in life and, in my opinion, teaches a lack of respect for their class-mates. At our school we always had a decorated egg competition at Easter and it was amazing the number of eggs entered by kids who could hardly hold a pen, yet which were works of art. Thinking about it, those parents are actually saying 'My kid is not good enough to do this on his/her own merits'. It shows a distinct lack of confidence and a fair amount of insecurity

[shoreham_steve]

Back in April, my six year old had to make an Easter Garden in shoe box. He spurned my offer of help and armed with crepe paper, tissue and paints, knocked up a colourful scene which he was rightly proud of.
When this was taken into the school and placed alongside the others, he was a little upset at how good they others were. They were clearly the work of adults.
The teacher who chose the winner was obviously wise to this and my son was awarded first prize - 'because it looked to be all his own work' - and indeed it was.
My question to the competitive (cheating?) parents is: What did your child learn by letting you do all the work?
My son used his imagination and creativity, was called upon to exercise his art skills and dexterity.
In my book, that made him the winner in more ways than one.

[di]

I agree that "cheating" is out of order & really a total waste of time for both the kiddies & the teachers that have put the effort into arranging such competitions.
But!I also think as a culture we are slowly slipping into a state of fearing to give our kiddies a little bit of a push & encourage them to always do their best.
I try my hardest with both Daisy & Ash to encourage them to do their best in stuff and yes sometimes that does mean sitting over them reminding them that they are capable of neater handwriting,or if doing a colouring competition that they should take their time over it & end up with something they are proud of...but then are we allowed to be proud any more???
It's also a fine balance of "it's the taking part that counts"...so far,I'm pleased to say,they are both able to enjoy others winning things & it's not the be all & end all if they don't.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm proud of both of my children & their achievements,but do sometimes feel I'm being judged for being proud.I'd never push them to do something they didn't enjoy & I'm as proud of them when they don't succeed,just as much as I am when they do...so long as they've given it their best shot!
Seems to me that in these PC times,those that struggle get more praise & encouragement than those that excel.

[HeyWayne]

Recently watched a programme that took the mickey out of those kinf of parents.

?????????

Quite amusing!

[Incy]

I agree that "cheating" is out of order & really a total waste of time for both the kiddies & the teachers that have put the effort into arranging such competitions.
But!I also think as a culture we are slowly slipping into a state of fearing to give our kiddies a little bit of a push & encourage them to always do their best.
I try my hardest with both Daisy & Ash to encourage them to do their best in stuff and yes sometimes that does mean sitting over them reminding them that they are capable of neater handwriting,or if doing a colouring competition that they should take their time over it & end up with something they are proud of...but then are we allowed to be proud any more???
It's also a fine balance of "it's the taking part that counts"...so far,I'm pleased to say,they are both able to enjoy others winning things & it's not the be all & end all if they don't.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm proud of both of my children & their achievements,but do sometimes feel I'm being judged for being proud.I'd never push them to do something they didn't enjoy & I'm as proud of them when they don't succeed,just as much as I am when they do...so long as they've given it their best shot!
Seems to me that in these PC times,those that struggle get more praise & encouragement than those that excel.

I think all of us parents agree with you and there is certainly nothing wrong with supporting your kids in their work and encouraging them to do their best. That is however significantly different from doing it for them.
I have to sit with my son and encourage him to do his homework, he has cp and can't manage on his own yet.
It sounds like you are doing a great job with your kids, supporting them whilst letting them do it themselves

[SlugLobber]

The only thing these parents are cheating is their own child. They will grow up thinking that there is a way around everything and sooner or later they will be caught out, whether it's at senior school (when most parents don't remember enough of it to help) or at work, when a threat of 'I'll tell my Mum' isn't going to wash (I hope!).

The different variety is a fabulous idea. Or even a different plant? Tell the kiddies it's a mystery plant and make it part of the project to identify it when it 'grows up'!