Most bizarre email?

[HeyWayne]

What's yours?

Received an email this morning - the entire contents of which are quoted below:

school, and the works proceed under his sole direction. The organ
will only observe, putting entirely out of sight the fact of the
steak with a great flat bone in the centre, swimming in hot butter,

How odd is that?

[TEB]

Thats very strange, this is mine sent by an old boss who had a doctorate in Marketing and was sent to me as part of a marketing strategy.

"One of our basic themes is that the ICT Industry at the pc network level has to move from pretending that these things are white goods where fix on fail is adequate to a recognition of their sophistication and mission criticality which demands maximum uptime and as a consequence the adoption of preventative planned maintenance regime adoption."
Comes across even worse when read out aloud, I must admit to a morbid fascination and find myself constantly rereading it

[HeyWayne]

Thats very strange, this is mine sent by an old boss who had a doctorate in Marketing and was sent to me as part of a marketing strategy.

"One of our basic themes is that the ICT Industry at the pc network level has to move from pretending that these things are white goods where fix on fail is adequate to a recognition of their sophistication and mission criticality which demands maximum uptime and as a consequence the adoption of preventative planned maintenance regime adoption."
Comes across even worse when read out aloud, I must admit to a morbid fascination and find myself constantly rereading it

That actually makes some sense if you insert your own punctuation.

[zazen999]

Thats very strange, this is mine sent by an old boss who had a doctorate in Marketing and was sent to me as part of a marketing strategy.

"One of our basic themes is that the ICT Industry at the pc network level has to move from pretending that these things are white goods where fix on fail is adequate to a recognition of their sophistication and mission criticality which demands maximum uptime and as a consequence the adoption of preventative planned maintenance regime adoption."
Comes across even worse when read out aloud, I must admit to a morbid fascination and find myself constantly rereading it

Or, 'lets just keep things running folks'.......

[TEB]

That actually makes some sense if you insert your own punctuation.

This was my response:
"Marketing is a delicate and esoteric science in which verbosity for its own sake often overwhelms the instinctive common sense that imbues most average participants to the extent that the message intended to be leveraged by the knowledge-enabled organization so often falls short, or occasionally wide, of the mark leaving the reader confused and unmotivated by the obfuscated prose reverently presented thereof."
I didnt make it up but I thought it was apt at the time, it was fair to say we didnt get on much

[zazen999]

This was my response:
"Marketing is a delicate and esoteric science in which verbosity for its own sake often overwhelms the instinctive common sense that imbues most average participants to the extent that the message intended to be leveraged by the knowledge-enabled organization so often falls short, or occasionally wide, of the mark leaving the reader confused and unmotivated by the obfuscated prose reverently presented thereof."
I didnt make it up but I thought it was apt at the time, it was fair to say we didnt get on much

or 'I'll do it my own way, thanks guv'

[TEB]

or 'I'll do it my own way, thanks guv'

lol, yes plain english - much better

[zazen999]

I used to work in a company where this sort of nonsense went on all the time so I would take great pains to talk in simple terms and try and decipher what the people who thought they were the bosses were going on about. My emails were known to pick apart their arguments in few words and show them for the eejits they were. Innocently of course.

[HeyWayne]

I used to work in a company where this sort of nonsense went on all the time so I would take great pains to talk in simple terms and try and decipher what the people who thought they were the bosses were going on about. My emails were known to pick apart their arguments in few words and show them for the eejits they were. Innocently of course.

I think a lot of managers hide behind management guff.

K.I.S.S

My most valuable lesson at marketing college was the CIM (Chartered Institute of Marketing) definition of marketing;

"The management process responsible for identifying, anticipating and satisfying customer requirements profitably."

Pretty much says it all.

[zazen999]

"The management process responsible for identifying, anticipating and satisfying customer requirements profitably."

I think I have the same phrase in my notes when I did my MCIM [Chartered Inst Management] quals; with many apostrophes and sarky comments in a huge mind map around it.

I wonder how many working groups it took to work out the final wording... Glad I wasn't at THAT meeting.

[HeyWayne]

I think I have the same phrase in my notes when I did my MCIM [Chartered Inst Management] quals; with many apostrophes and sarky comments in a huge mind map around it.

I wonder how many working groups it took to work out the final wording... Glad I wasn't at THAT meeting.

I think they must have rejected

"finding out what customers want, and giving it to them whilst still making money"

[zazen999]

Or

"Selling stuff, effectively".

[OllieMartin]

I've worked for several years in a Learning & Development department where they just love to feel that they're cutting edge by pushing new buzz-words into circulation.

'Work mates' had to be called 'colleagues'
'Competencies' were 'attributes'
'teachings' were 'learnings' (I loved this one because as it's not really a word, spell-checkers used to tell people it was "learning's" and they'd believe them, so every document the L&D management produced was full of errors and I could smugly correct them)

My manager used to try and push it a little further by using such annoying buzz-words as 'leverage', 'to concept' (like 'concept' is a verb!), and we didn't produce 'training programmes' we made 'training solutions' or even 'development interventions'.

Personally, I like to speak English.

[zazen999]

Ollie; I still work in that Environment, now from the other side [ie I consult to employers] as they 'engage' 'training providers' and LOVE cutting the crap training talk......the employes love it when I cut through their long laborious ramblings and ask the question 'So, how do we get these people NVQs again? - in steps from A to Z, thanks'.....

ETA: does that mean 'incompetent' now is called 'unattributed'?

[OllieMartin]

ETA: does that mean 'incompetent' now is called 'unattributed'?

incompetent meant we needed to liaise and mind-map a development concept that we could submit for sign off before writing an upskilling workshop for the colleague.

It just sounded even more wrong as I'm based in East Yorkshire. I thought Yorkshire men "called a spade a spade"!

In fact, I just found a whole site of buzzword stories. Makes some funny/annoying reading:
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/come...rds.php?page=1