Non Pupil Days

[jackie j]

Today is a non pupil day for 13yr old daughter, all her freinds arrange to meet up but dont include her so she feels left out, I try to encourage her to invite people round, but her friends are few and far between, She is very popular at school but when it comes to weekends and holidays she is on her own. She has a boyfriend but even he is off with his mates today, not that I want them to spend every spare moment together. She wont ask if she can join in and waits to be asked, then gets upset when she is left out. Teenagers who'd have em !!!!!

[OllieMartin]

I was exactly the same when I was younger (in fact, i'm not hugely different now). If no-one asked me to do something on the weekend i'd normally just sit in the house and 'play' on my own. Probably why I grew up to be such a geek!
If she's got a boyfriend she's doing far better than me at 13. I didn't have a proper girlfriend til...well, let's just say til I was...older...

Try suggesting that she organise something for one weekend, that way she's got an excuse to invite her friends out/round.

These days I tend to have my weekends packed with stuff in the garden to do and forget about my friends until they call me! Perhaps not the best person to give suggestions!

[Alison]

What on earth is a non-pupil day anyway?

[SarzWix]

Teacher training day i think Alison.

I have similar problems with my eldest lad jackie, he spends most evenings/weekends/school holidays on his own no matter what I try and do to encourage him out. It drives me crackers! Younger son is always out with a crowd of mates though

[organic]

I wouldn't worry too much folks.
I was a bit of a loner when I was younger... had some "friends" at school but they were all <expletive removed> really.

For a good few years I just had some loose acquaintances and can now count my friends on the fingers of one hand. My younger brother and sister both had plenty of friends and a very active social life.

Now look at me... I've got an allotment and spend far too much time thinking about vegetables, slugs and various other flies and crawlies, and am currently saving up for a flat-cap and a shed to read the paper in.
(I'm not sure I could make it sound much worse than that - though the flat-cap bit wasn't true, nor the paper-reading!)

Really though - I am fine. Got a lovely girlfriend, a few friends who are easy going, good company. Have travelled, lived abroad, come back alive and generally doing OK.

Some folk just do better without the company of a crowd. Even a few years back when I'd go out in a crowd of about 10, I'd only really be out with about 2 or 3 that I particularly got on well with.

[Hilary B]

I never had many friends (I am not really convinced it is possible, friendship requires effort, and there are only so many hours in the day) but then, as now, there were plenty of people I 'Get on OK with'.
When I was school age, my social life was under parental control (and hence restricted to Girl's Brigade and similar outings), and it never bothered me, either then or now.
We are all different, some have a large circle of not-very-close friends, others have just a few friends, but really close.

[janeyo]

we call them baker days

[rogesse]

Ah, bless. I hope she's OK. If I look back into the mists of time I was the same but sort of grew out of it (13yrs is not a time I'd like to revisit) - well sort of. I gradually made a couple of good friends and was happy with true friends not a lot of hangers on.

Puberty is never a happy time (I played 'At Seventeen' to death) - but hey she has a boyfriend, I was convinced I was a cross betwwen the elephant man and Jabba the Hut at that age!

Perhaps joining a specific interest club wouldn't be a bad suggestion? Drama club did it for me

Give her a big hug - Jane

[Two_Sheds]

If she's not actually unhappy, don't worry too much.
I also didn't hang out with a gang of friends (I had to stay home after school and look after my younger siblings while Mum went out to work).

It taught me independence, self-reliance, and to think for myself, not be a sheep following the crowd. Some of us have a large shallow pool of pals, and some of us have few, but very good, friendships.

[jackie j]

Thanks all, I feel for her when her so called freinds are out doing stuff and she isnt. She is a very mature 13 yr old and very sensible and trustworthy, does all her homework, goes to tap classes and if you remember, rowing in the summer months, on a break now till February. A lot of the kids she was at primary school with are a bit imature by comparison. They dont like it cos she has a boyfriend, who is 2 yrs older and he is nice.