why oh why????????

[roitelet]

So sorry to hear the news Phil. I know just how you feel. My Mum died last January and there is still a huge hole in my life. I am glad that she did not suffer it is dreadful having to sit and wait for the inevitable. A huge shock for you and your Dad never the less. Give your self time and your Dad as well.

This is some thing that I found beside my Mums bed after she had gone and we used it for her funeral. I hope it may give you some comfort.

You can shed tears that she has gone or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back or you can open your eyes and see all she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or your heart can be full of love the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she is gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

My thoughts are with you both.

[SlugLobber]

Can't add new words of wisdom, Phil, but I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum has passed away. I love the poem, 'Do Not Stand at my Grave...'. You and your Dad are in my thoughts today. xx

[Flummery]

Sorry to hear that Phil - and what a shock! My Dad died 9 years ago after being ill for several months. It was not unexpected but still came as a huge shock to my mum who had hoped to the end that he'd 'get better' - not to be. Your dad will need someone to babble at - but so will you. I hope you have some support from other family and friends.

My mum was lost for ages. However, don't take eveything off his shoulders to help him cope. He still needs a reason to live. You always want to do everything for them and make all their decisions to make it easy for them but he does need to be useful.

Take your time - it will take both of you a couple of years to get used to this - though you'll never forget.

[Pumpkin Becki]

Oh Phil, I'm really sorry to here this. I thought the world would literally stop turning when my Mother passed away (9 years ago Wednesday). I felt empty for so long afterwards. My father coped remarkably well. He has an excellent support network of friends and family, and when we couldn't be there for him (because of our own grief) his friends were amazing. We are indebted to them forever.

You and your family have my deepest sympathy.

[Rhona]

I'm so sorry about your mum. It will probably be some comfort to you and your father in years to come that it was fast and she was at home with your father. How shocking and sudden for you though.

My father died when I was 16 and I remember my mother's grief. She had that Mary Frye poem on her wall for years. I probably found it a little soothing too.

Hope you're ok, it will be raw for a while I suspect. In the meantime, thinking of you, your father and family. x

[Comfreyfan]

So very sorry to hear your news Phil. Just be there for your dad, there are no words, but let him be there for you too. Thinking of you, feel free to babble whenever you want.

[jackie j]

So sorry to hear your news phil, having lost my mum and my sister in the last five years I know a little of how you feel. I still feel empty, it can be a song or something so small that brings me up to a start, remember the good times you all shared.
A poem at my sisters funeral was the one about the ship, I cant remember it all at the moment but it was a great comfort to us all at the time.
(((((((( hugs ))))))))) to all of your family.

[snuffer]

Sorry to read your sad news phil. Don't really know what to say except that you and yours are in our thoughts.

Take care.

[SueA]

Really sorry for your loss Phil, that must have been a terrible shock for your dad & for you. Just try & be there for your dad but give yourself time to grieve too.

[basketcase]

So sorry for your loss - and your father's too.

Vent and babble away. And don't forget that if you ever feel that you've over-babbled to the people you see every day, you can always comeo n here and babble some more.

[bramble]

So sorry to hear about your dear mother Phil.
it will take a long time for the grief to subside, but as time goes by you will be able to remember the good times without getting too upset.
You are in my thoughts at this time.

[pip1954]

life can be a real sh*t at times very sorry about you and your dads loss phil
it will take time to ease your sorrow, i hope you can strive to keep your spirits up,
lets hope by the start of next year you may in a brighter place and feel on a up,
best wishes to you and your dad.

[Rocketron]

a little while back i had a thread called "why do i feel like this". i was feeling alittle low and had some great support via on-line and pm's. for that i will be forever grateful and have been settled for a few weeks not up not down just settled and if you know what i mean the you understand....

well tuesday what a shock to get the call to say my mum had passed away quite suddenly.......taken ill showering sat down in bath asked my dad to call an ambulance he went back upstairs and she'd gone. paramedics great did there best police support and liason stayed with him for 4 hours till i could get to south wales with all my family. i feel really empty and not sad yet i guess it will come soon but the old fella is really ripped apart said he doesn't know what he will do without his best friend. you just don't have the words when you need them, i try to be positive for him but he's lost at the moment i know it will get easier but it's very raw at the moment

sorry to babble it may be the stella!!!!!!

This is the important part. You will stay strong to help your dad. Your time for sympathy will come later. By supporting your Dad, you will gain the respect of others that will boost your self esteem. This will make your peroid of grief more easy to bear, as those that saw your stoicism will be supportive of you.

[rustylady]

Phil, I do feel for you. My mum died after a long illness, and her death wasn't really unexpected. She wasn't really "with us" for some time before she died - I felt sad that she had gone, but for a couple of years she had sort of become another person (not my mum). My dad, on the other hand, died a couple of years after Mum - we had all worried how he was going to cope without her but he managed and was beginning to enjoy life again. He died on my birthday, having gone as usual to the local to have a half with his mates. He suffered a major heart attack and died right there and then. His friend told me he knew nothing - just keeled over in the company he loved. I'm so glad I phoned that morning and spoke to him to thank him for my birthday present (a cheque which I never did cash). Of the two, I think my Dad's death was the better one (for him at least). Losing a parent is really hard, no matter how old you are - you suddenly feel alone however well you've coped with your life. Don't be afraid to grieve. We will always be here for you.

[dexterdoglancashire]

Big HUGS Phill. I havent experienced anything like this, so cant even imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you at such an awful time.
Love Bernie