Adhd

[di]

Sorry Incy...I didn't put that across to well!(and sorry if I offended anyone by suggesting that if you have ADHD you can't be intelligent)I guess what I meant/feel/used as an excuse is that I was in denial,using the fact that if concentration etc was such an issue would he be doing so well academically?
I know he's still my special little boy & nothing's ever going to change that.just that right now I feel like a total crap mum that's maybe gone wrong somewhere along the line!

[Mrs Jackson]

We've just started the process of getting our son diagnosed with suspected predominantly hyperactive/impulsive ADHD. We'd always just thought he was a bit of a nutter but since he's started nursery (he's just turned 4) the teachers have picked up on some 'unique' and unusual behaviours in him and have had to write an Individual Education Plan for him, as well as developing certain strategies for dealing with his behaviour, because what works for most children doesn't work with him. He is extremey intelligent and both the teachers and HV have said that without a diagnosis he could just be labelled the naughty boy, whereas with a diagnosis they can work with it and he will get more help so that hopefully he will fulfil his potential. If (or most probably 'when') he is diagnosed we're not planning on telling friends or family, we're quite happy for them to keep thinking he's just a nutter, for the time being at least, it's mainly just so that he's getting the most out of school that he can. The diagnosis process is looooooooong though, they have to rule out pretty much everything else that could possibly be causing the behaviours first. So ds is off for a hearing test soon and then he'll be looked at by the Educational Psychologist. The nursery, the HVs and the Educational Psychologist will then all write reports so that he can be referred to a paediatrician. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat further.

Mrs J

[Incy]

Sorry Incy...I didn't put that across to well!(and sorry if I offended anyone by suggesting that if you have ADHD you can't be intelligent)I guess what I meant/feel/used as an excuse is that I was in denial,using the fact that if concentration etc was such an issue would he be doing so well academically?
I know he's still my special little boy & nothing's ever going to change that.just that right now I feel like a total crap mum that's maybe gone wrong somewhere along the line!

Big hugs andi&di. I wasn't offended I was trying to reassure you that even if he has ADHD it shouldn't hinder his intelligence. If he's not diagnosed and is just classed as a naughty child that could.
I totally empathise with you. I mentioned my brothers as they have the same thing but my son has CP and alot of his behaviours have been/are similar to ADHD or autism.
I went through the process of feeling like a rubbish mum because I couldn't get him to behave. I even called social services for help as I was at my wits end and was told I was far too sorted to be entitled to any help
They did however let me attend a practical parenting course which gave me lots of strategies to try and certainly helped me deal with my team at work if not my son
My son's statement does make a huge difference at school as it provides funding for additional support amongst other things (my boy has full time support).
Once he starts getting help things will get better. It can take a long time and if you want to pm me feel free as I have jumped through so many hoops regarding special needs I would be happy to share any experience or knowledge that might be of help.
Good luck with it all.

[Hilary B]

A friend of mine has 2 daughters. The older one has ADHD, she is now about 20 (I have trouble keeping track) and I get the impression that without the problem being recognised she would never have got the grades needed for University. Unfortunately the support got turned off when she reached 18, and she dropped out after a term and a bit.

[Littlemouse]

I am and adult diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40-something I have the ADD type of ADHD - ie primarily inattentive but with a whopping dose of impulsivity and I can only say that I wish I had been diagnosed as a child. Or any time sooner than I was since I am sure I would have spent less of my life feeling inadequate and not being able to trust my memory.

Having an understanding of why you are like you are is a huge relief as I no longer have to waste hours being perplexed or distressed at not understanding why I did or didn't do something, or why I forgot something or why I can't get my act together, or why it take me 9 attempts to leave the house in the morning.

It can become incredibly wearing when you don't understand why you can't just get on and do the simple stuff that everyone else seems to take forgranted. Undiagnosed ADHD is often mistaken for depression (and depression meds generally don't work on ADHD brains unless taken in conjunction with ADHD meds).

Now instead of endlessly beating myself up about whatever particular inadequacy would previously have caused me great angst - now I just think,'Okay, so that's your ADHD raising it's head' and then carry on, as far as my brain will let me! You will find that a lot of ADHDers tend to be incredibly resourceful, and have a great sense of humour and a good degree of resilience.

I've not hidden my ADHD at work and if it comes up in conversation I'll discuss it - there's still shedloads of ignorance about it so I don't mind discussing it.

Now I am sitting here and don't know if I've answered the question or not... but I have wittered on - which I do very well, and usually all at a tangent. What was the question again?

[Brengirl]

Your message certainly 'reached the spot' Littlemouse. We all have inadequacies that we don't understand. You are not alone.

[Littlemouse]

I can recommend 2 excellent websites :

aadd.org.uk where the focus is more on adults with ADHD/ADD and adders.org - which has a great forum for parents.

(PS you will find the terms ADD and ADHD used interchangeably as well as there being other older variations on a theme! ADHD is used as the cover-all term)

[mariell]

i too have 2 children with adhd they are now 16 and 14

[Littlemouse]

....deleted

[Seahorse]

just that right now I feel like a total crap mum that's maybe gone wrong somewhere along the line!

Oi Mrs, don't you dare go thinking that! I didn't respond before because my experince (#1 son) is with autism, not ADHD but I DO know it's hard enough to be an 'adequate' parent to any child, let alone one who isn't 'mainstream'. You're clearly not a 'crap mum'!!!

No real advice but lots of good thoughts coming from me

[bramble]

My son, who is now 35 was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a small child and not very much was known about it.
From working with a psycologist to help me (and him) we were able to let his school know about its effects on him which was a great help.
He is now married with 2 kids of his own (one of whom is Hyperactive)
He has a far better understanding of his child and is able to give him a lot of herlp and encouragement due to the help he himself got.
He is also the owner of two barbers shops and is doing extremely well in life.
While he was never very good at school because of lack of concentration he is making a very good living for himself because of his skills as a barber.

[tricky]

lots and lots of hugs andi&di
something hit home as i was in denial too,my son 12 has been diagnosed since he was 5.
I eventually accepted the diagnosis and realised hang on , this was totally me as a child.
My son got offered a place in a special school ,i had no hesitation,my wife was different.
If it wasnt for that diagnosis my son would still be labelled naughty ,as it stands he is right up to date with school now ,im not saying its easy but i wished id had the support he gets.
LIttlemouse what amazing words.
andi&di ,i wished i had the support(i know i have with the vine)
Dont ever think of yourself as crap parents ,just give him the support he needs and he will flourish im sure.
Lots of hugs Tricky

[di]

Thanks so much everybody...and yes Littlemouse,your post did answer the question!
It's something that's always been there in the back of my mind...although he was the easiest baby,went almost a week without crying(at all!)at just a few weeks old...things gradually changed.However behaviour at home or with me was the only problem,at nursery he was the shy one,which is what made me feel it must be something I was doing.Friends would try & tell me he was just a boy being a boy,yet I'd never see another boy his age head butt a row of unknown mums one by one or run an entire aisle in Asda before karate chopping a total stranger!....for which he was disciplined!!!)
Thankfully his teachers are great and although I'm aware of how he is at school(I help out once a week & have the joy of every other child that comes to read to me informing me that he's a naughty boy!),his teacher makes sure & emphasises his achievements over his behaviour(even the head ignored having a pom pom hurled at her in assembly)
But then comes a day like today!!!He earnt a trip to the cinema with Daddy this morning,according to Andi he sat still & really enjoyed the film & has been fine(and calm) for most of the day.He can be just such an Angel!!??

[FionaH]

Oi Mrs, don't you dare go thinking that! I didn't respond before because my experince (#1 son) is with autism, not ADHD but I DO know it's hard enough to be an 'adequate' parent to any child, let alone one who isn't 'mainstream'. You're clearly not a 'crap mum'!!!

AGREED!

My youngest has ADHD give me a shout if you need to chat/moan/laugh whatever

[PAULW]

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder..

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

As I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail...

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!