Last of a dying breed

[ginger ninger]

I heard once, that the Queen's butler is famous for pouring wine through the fingers of dinner guests after they put their hand over their glass when he went to pour them more wine.
I believe it stems from the fact that a guest should always have had sufficient to eat and drink, so if they finish their wine or food more is always provided for them until they fail to finish it.

I could do with a butler like that....as long as he provided the wine, I always finish my wine, that's another thing ...I hate waste.

[beefy]

You might not think it by my posts here but I have been tought my" manners "since I was young . The one that really gets me is where people in the street put their heads down and barge through everybody to get where they are going .The worst place I've seen for this was London- but the person that tried it with me never saw a thing until he bounced off me and landed on his a**e in the middle of the pavement . 22 stone and six foot three against a lightly built nobody around 5 foot 6 - you know how it's going to end - badly for him. The two people that he had shoved out of the way even smiled at me on the way past - strangers smiling at one another in London - you don't see that everyday.

[Two_Sheds]

One thing I really hate is people not waiting until everyone is served before they start eating.

Lol at that. Himself has usually finished his plate before I've even brought my own in from the kitchen. His father's the same though ... they just wolf it all down as fast as poss
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I admit to putting my elbows on the table though. It's because of my knackered left arm, I can't hold it up by itself, it needs to be rested on something.

[RedThorn]

One of the customs from where I stayed for 18 years was to always call a person 10 years( or more) your senior , Aunty or Uncle (translated into English)

My daughter will tell you that one of my favourite sayings when out is "Where are your eyes? In your fingers? Look don't touch! Thank you"

The one thing I do not drum as much into DD is back chatting, my mum used to use this all the time even when I was trying to politely point out she was wrong. If she brings a point across politely, I do try to listen and explain instead where ever possible.

Wait until Mummy and Daddy have finished talking rather than trying to talk over us. No resting your elbow on the table and holding your head up, that's what your neck is for etc

It is sad that on the whole, that politeness and manners are becoming outdated. The Technology might be advancing but as a society, I'm not so sure...

[pdblake]

Pretty much agree with all the above and am happy to say that my kids are the same.

[OverWyreGrower]

I have a particular bugbear regarding rocking a chair back onto 2 legs.... comes from teaching I think...

Over the weekend my godson was doing it, so I said "How many legs has your chair got?" He said "4", reply "well use them all then".... it drives me nuts...

[Nicos]

British manners???......interestingly so different throughout the world-remember that bank advert about different manners and offending behaviour?
Thankyou and respect should be universal.

- out of interest, elbows on tables etc are surely hangups from Victorian days when kids should be seen ( and as little as possible)and not heard.
I doubt the mother of a starving child in Africa would complain about her child eating with it's mouth open

Another excuse to put kids in their place????

Don't get me wrong- I think manners are important, but I've not got my head round which ones are imortantt and which ones are twee
Discuss......

[kentvegplot]

From when they were only 6 and 7, my stepsons have always been brilliantly behaved in company - polite and quiet in restaurants, asking to leave the table, using cutlery correctly, no backchat (although that's changed a bit now they're teenagers )

So many people commented on how good they were, I wanted to say to each one of them - it shouldn't be comment-worthy. That's how I would hope all children could behave.

[di]

My two wouldn't have the first clue as to which cutlery they should be using!!!I don't think that's anything to do with manners though?As far as I'm concerned as long as they use whichever utensil they find fits the job in an appropriate way & don't use them as weapons for warfare at the table,I'm not really bothered!
I agree with Nicos...there seems to be an overlap of what's considered good/bad manners & what's actually just tradition or culture.
Sure,it's nice to try & keep certain traditions going,but to imply somebody is bad mannered for not following them all....well,I don't agree!

[OllieMartin]

My two wouldn't have the first clue as to which cutlery they should be using!!!I don't think that's anything to do with manners though?As far as I'm concerned as long as they use whichever utensil they find fits the job in an appropriate way & don't use them as weapons for warfare at the table,I'm not really bothered!
I agree with Nicos...there seems to be an overlap of what's considered good/bad manners & what's actually just tradition or culture.
Sure,it's nice to try & keep certain traditions going,but to imply somebody is bad mannered for not following them all....well,I don't agree!

To be honest, this wasn't meant to be a thread about manners, more about etiquette. That's the thing with etiquette; if you don't know it, you won't spot it. Manners are manners, anyone can work out if something is impolite.

I'm not the kind of person who would scoff at someone who used a soup spoon with icecream, in the same way as I wouldn't correct someone on the vine for missusing "your" and "you're". I just like the fun side of etiquette, but then I'm pretty old-fashioned for my age. I'd like to be able to ask a man for permission to 'court' his daughter or lay my coat over a puddle for a lady, but these days you'd be considered odd.

[di]

Ollie Love...if you want to spend the day with a soggy coat...feel free!!!(but then wasn't that a tradition adopted in times when a lady would be wearing a particularly long dress and therefore need your coat to prevent it from getting all muddy?

I do agree with you that it's good to keep certain traditions & etiquette going,however I think failing to do so shouldn't be confused with bad manners.That's all!

[OllieMartin]

Ollie Love...if you want to spend the day with a soggy coat...feel free!!!(but then wasn't that a tradition adopted in times when a lady would be wearing a particularly long dress and therefore need your coat to prevent it from getting all muddy?

I do agree with you that it's good to keep certain traditions & etiquette going,however I think failing to do so shouldn't be confused with bad manners.That's all!

My thoughts precisely

[Florence Fennel]

When I was little and had finished eating I had to ask if I could leave the table. One day I went to friends for tea and when I had finished I duly asked 'please may I leave the table'.
Her dad started laughing and said 'well you're not going to take it with you' .
I was sooooo embarrassed .

Exactly that happened to me too! I vividly remember my dad's saying of "all joints on the table will be carved". I have taught my children as much about etiquette and good manners as I have been able and have always been confident that they can behave properly. I have certainly entertained some of their friends who obviously didn't have the same upbringing!

[Alison]

I wouldn't correct someone on the vine for missusing "your" and "you're".

That's not etiquette, it's grammar!

[OllieMartin]

That's not etiquette, it's grammar!

I'm not the kind of person who would scoff at someone who used a soup spoon with icecream, in the same way as I wouldn't correct someone on the vine for missusing "your" and "you're"..

Quite correct, I was pointing out that, although I've made a thread about etiquette, I've also made a thread about the apostrophe, but in neither instance am I the type of person to point out what I know that someone else doesn't.
What I'm trying to say is that I didn't want to suggest that I'm better at it, not at all, I wanted to see what else other people knew because I find it all so fascinating and enjoyable.