Last of a dying breed

[lizzylemon]

Doors opened for anyone
Shoes off when in other peoples houses
Never feet up on sofas at other peoples houses
Always ask to be excused from the table
Always say pardon me when passing wind of any type
Always wait until everyone is ready to leave the table (currently causing tantrums with my 2 year old who's learning she cann't get down when ever she wants) and never a problem for me as I'm always last
Always cover mouth when yawning, coughing, sneezing or have food in mouth in need to speak
Always put knife & fork together at 4oclock position on plate to indicate I've finished
Knife and fork open on plate means I'm resting
Desert spoon points right, soup spoon point left in our house

I love my Grandma, God bless her. XX

[Jeanied]

Great post Ollie - and always, thought provoking. You've got me and LL going here so let me see how this would translate into the female - would this work?
1) Thou shalt always wear - leather? What else - cotton? Satin? Silk?
2) Thou shalt never smoke - that's fine by me - but maybe steam a little?
3) Thou shalt always be courteous to men - well that could be tough given the current exchange rate of courtesy!
4) Thou shalt never wear denim - now what else are we looking at? Corderoy,velvet or moleskin? Give me a break, all alternatives are impractical.
5) Thou shalt always bob when someone doffs their hat - no thankee - quickest way to catch headlice
6) Thou shalt never fasten the bottom button of one's weskit - well, laced up in this corset, I would be lucky to fasten the top one as I'm one big bosom from the top button to the navel!
7)Thou shalt speak properly - well, speaking would be a good start!
8) Thou shalt never wear plimsolls - well I'm sorry but we cherish our achilles tendons more than that
9) Thou shalt always worship at the trouser press - well, it is about time the fellas got introduced to the iron - either on the trousers or, Eastenders style, as a lethal weapon.
10) Thou shalt always cultivate interesting facial hair - but don't expect any kisses!

[Rhona]

Love the Chap manifesto. Like too many bits to mention but particularly love a chap's trouser creases causing riots on the streets.

[Alison]

The Chap Manifesto

1. THOU SHALT ALWAYS WEAR TWEED. No other fabric says so defiantly: I am a man of panache, savoir-faire and devil-may-care, and I will not be served Continental lager beer under any circumstances.


2 THOU SHALT NEVER NOT SMOKE. Health and Safety "executives" and jobsworth medical practitioners keep trying to convince us that smoking is bad for the lungs/heart/skin/eyebrows, but we all know that smoking a bent apple billiard full of rich Cavendish tobacco raises one's general sense of well-being to levels unimaginable by the aforementioned spoilsports.

3 THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE COURTEOUS TO THE LADIES. A gentleman is never truly seated on an omnibus or railway carriage: he is merely keeping the seat warm for when a lady might need it. Those who take offence at being offered a seat are not really Ladies.

4 THOU SHALT NEVER, EVER, WEAR PANTALOONS DE NIMES. When you have progressed beyond fondling girls in the back seats of cinemas, you can stop wearing jeans. Wear fabrics appropriate to your age, and, who knows, you might even get a quick fumble in your box at the opera.

5 THOU SHALT ALWAYS DOFF ONE'S HAT. Alright, so you own a couple of trilbies. Good for you - but it's hardly going to change the world. Once you start actually lifting them off your head when greeting, departing or simply saluting passers-by, then the revolution will really begin.

6 THOU SHALT NEVER FASTEN THE LOWEST BUTTON ON THY WESKIT. Look, we don't make the rules, we simply try to keep them going. This one dates back to Edward VII, sufficient reason in itself to observe it.

7 THOU SHALT ALWAYS SPEAK PROPERLY. It's quite simple really. Instead of saying "Yo, wassup?", say "How do you do?"

8 THOU SHALT NEVER WEAR PLIMSOLLS WHEN NOT DOING SPORT. Nor even when doing sport. Which you shouldn't be doing anyway. Except cricket.

9 THOU SHALT ALWAYS WORSHIP AT THE TROUSER PRESS. At the end of each day, your trousers should be placed in one of Mr. Corby's magical contraptions, and by the next morning your creases will be so sharp that they will start a riot on the high street.

10 THOU SHALT ALWAYS CULTIVATE INTERESTING FACIAL HAIR. By interesting we mean moustaches, not beards

I'm sorry but rarely have I read such a load of tosh (with the exception of No 7!)