Heartbreaking

[Brengirl]

I was going to suggest the same thing, our elderly neighbour used to phone me if she needed prescription or little things like changing light bulbs.

I think that idea just fits the bill. Good thinking Bren

[Jeanied]

I agree with the grapes that suggest asking for her help in some way. I did this with a elderly couple near me - she had had a stroke and he was looking after her - I went in because there was a power cut and I was on my own so I said could I come in with them as I needed the company! So how about asking for help on the proper etiquette to deal with something - she was the only person you could think of!
Or if it has really got bitter cold, why don't you fake a power cut and ask if you could come in and get warm till the men came to fix it?

[Scottishnewbie]

I'd pop in. Better that she has to shuffle from the back of the house than be lying in a heap and no-one noticing cos they didnt want to interfere. And combine all the above suggestions - where you can anyway.

[Glutton4...]

The trouble with people like your neighbour, is they're often too proud to ask for help, and they don't want to be a nuisance. One of my 'Little Old Ladies' that I garden for, ties herself in knots before asking me to do something (dig out a small dead shrub or prune a rose) in case I pull my back or get cold! I tell her it's what I'm there for!

I love the mince pies idea, but she'll probably be the sort that doesn't like 'em! Hope you find a solution

[coreopsis]

Good luck with your neighbour.You never know,you might find a new friend next door.Plenty of sneaky ways how to start in above posts.
These older people can be a pain in the backside-they refuse to aknowledge that their mind still feels young but body is not longer capable to deal with physical challenges reserved for younger ones.
My granny's sister(she's nearly 90)sneaked out to the garden and dug a bit of ground about 10 by 4 metres.She collapsed in the evening saying "I'm knackered".Nothing will stop her as she must have things done her way(it's the bestest)and refuses any offer of help.

[Alice]

That is very sad Zazen.
I know some people can be difficult to help and may appear not to want any but I would find it hard to do nothing.
Could you call in at the local health centre, express your concern and ask if the doctor or nurse could pop in to check on them. They might be able to talk them into having some help in. At that age they are entitled to an annual visit from their GP.

How very different is my elderly neighbour. She is 92 and still gets about with her zimmer.
She has carers who come in 4 times a day to help her with meals and things and every neighbour keeps a good eye on her and helps with what they can. But then she is a very warm and friendly person who is delighted to see anyone who calls in.

I hope something can be done to help your neighbour.

[Alison]

My great aunt died last year at the age of 92. She had never married and was very independant, living in her own home until a few months before her death. Really she needed help earlier and we looked after as well as we could but all lived a long way away. She had excellent neighbours who really helped, one did her shopping for her while they were doing their own and another helped with her little garden. Not perfect and I know full well she was sometimes rude about them but she was still a great old lady whom I miss very much. Some years earlier when she was healthier, she used to help out my grandad (her brother in law) after he was widdowed by cooking stuff to fill his freezer in individual portions. He then could get them out and just warm them up easily so we knew he had a good hot meal in him. Perhaps you could tell her you'd made a huge vat of hotpot or something and wondered if she'd like some and see how it went from there.

[lizzylemon]

I think better to be shouted at on a daily basis than to regret for ever more that you'd not done something. Sometimes people need interference, even if they don't know it

[Eco-Chic]

Zazen I'd pop round armed with a lovely nourishing soup you made too much of and a couple of mince pies and then I'd thank her for the card and come right out and ask her if her husband 'passed' because you noticed she hadn't signed his name on the card.

Then I'd tell her that you are happy to help with small chores that she is unable to cope with, offers of getting shopping in for her, particularly when the weather is icy and snowy, and urge her to contact you if she needs anything at all, even a chat, but reassure her that you don't want to invade her privacy.

Finally, whether or not she accepts your overtures, put your tel nos in her card.

You are a good neighbour.

[zazen999]

I don't think she'd appreciate my veggie food!!! But I will have a chat with the ladies tomorrow and sort out a plan. I suspect she will be going to her kids for Christmas soon anyway........they usually get a taxi down there and back.....she's not shouted at me but I know one of the ladies a few doors back did cleaning for her when she left school [about 40 years ago but it is more like 50 I think] and hasn't got over the shouting since! It must have made an impact...and I know she feels a bit weird about her.

It's hard trying to do the right thing without doing the wrong thing...if you get my drift.

[Eco-Chic]

It is difficult to offer assistance to somebody who treasures their independence without treading on corns. However, not proffering help for fear of offending, then finding out that it would have been welcomed and would have made her life more comfortable in any number of ways would be very sad.

[bobleponge]

I'd pop in. Better that she has to shuffle from the back of the house than be lying in a heap and no-one noticing cos they didnt want to interfere. And combine all the above suggestions - where you can anyway.

Yup, agree totally.

I would prefer to be shouted at daily by someone who externally at least didnt seem to appreciate the help, than find out a few days/weeks later that I hadnt done something I really should have.

Difficult situation though Zazen, I see the dilemma but I would make myself make the effort until I was forcefully told not to.

[piskieinboots]

It's hard trying to do the right thing without doing the wrong thing...if you get my drift.

Aye - damned if you do, damned if you don't - so in this case just be damned and sleep well at nights

[Nicos]

I think there's no harm in calling round each day in this cold weather - it'd do her good to get up and walk to the front door- bit of exercise will warm her up and strengthen her muscles. It's too easy just to sit about all day and quietly potter round a couple of rooms.
Do you have a key??...does anyone have a key?

There are so many elderly peeps who refuse to carry alarms in case they fall...but I can understand why too

[Flummery]

I don't think she'd appreciate my veggie food!!!

It's hard trying to do the right thing without doing the wrong thing...if you get my drift.

Some of the world's best soups are veggie! Think of minestroni and leek and potato to name but two. Most of my soups are veggie, they give so much flavour and are so warming.