Heartbreaking

[Bigmallly]

You may just have to bite the bullet Zaz & go round & tell her that you are concerned but are there for her if she needs your help.........no point in you losing sleep as well.

[pdblake]

A lot of old people are very private and loath to ask for help, or even accept it. The best you can do is keep an eye on her. Saying that, seeing as she's accepted help before when she had a fall, she might well be more accepting than you think.

There's an old lady down the road from us. She's quite frail but won't accept any help from anyone. In fact my wife and kids are the only one's she'll let in her house The kids pop to the newsagents on a morning and get a newspaper from her, it's all the help she'll accept, but at least they can check to make sure she's alright.

Well done for trying anyway though, these days a lot of people wouldn't even have noticed.

[ginger ninger]

Its a very strange situation Zaz, my Dad lives on his own and he's a stubborn old sod at the best of times, he doesn't trust many people more so now he has dementia, he has a carer that call in a morning and early evening to make sure he's taken his meds, he has good neighbours that pop and see him even though he's crabby with them, I phone him every night & go to see him every other day/night, if I were you I'd nip and see the old lady if she shouts at you so what, has anyone got a contact num for her family so you can air your concerns with them, you never know ...she might be very grateful for the company, it can't be much fun on your own at any age let alone 90 plus....give it a try, she might just surprise you.

[kirsty b]

Just go round, if a bit of a shout is the worst that could happen then no harm done and then the lady will know that you are there if need be.
Like some of the others say, how many others would notice or care?

[jackie j]

I would phone her family and voice your concerns better to be safe than sorry.

[zazen999]

I would phone her family and voice your concerns better to be safe than sorry.

I don't have their number; I can't really find their number as they have a common surname and all I know is that the kids live in Kent - it might even be a daughter who would have married again. As I said, they are very private people....I've been in London today so haven't seen any neighbours but am around tomorrow so will pop a card in tonight and see some of the neighbours tomorrow.

I have to say - I wouldn't call the family anyway; it's more about the fact that she is 95 [at least] and not mobile at all - if the kids can't see that she should be looked after I can't say me telling them that would help.

[piskieinboots]

Also, the family is a long way away - you and the neighbours are next door and are the ones that can help in an instant.

But you would think the family would realise that a 95 year old may well need a bit of care

[ginger ninger]

Also, the family is a long way away - you and the neighbours are next door and are the ones that can help in an instant.

But you would think the family would realise that a 95 year old may well need a bit of care

Its very sad to say, but some familys don't care P.B.

[Alison]

Its very sad to say, but some familys don't care P.B.

It's a bit unfair to say that the family don't care when you don't know them. They obviously do care or they wouldn't get her a taxi to theirs every Christmas. It may be that they simply don't know what to do or don't want to accept that their mum is now not capable of looking after herself and is in denial. I know that doesn't help the old woman but neither does apportioning blame. Zazen and some of the other neighbours are trying to do something positive and that's the most important thing here.

[jackie j]

My ex inlaws live in a very large house my ex lives with them that doesn't mean he does enough to look after them but leaves it to the carers and my sons who live there as well. The other son might come from Dorset maybe once a year if they are lucky, what did they do to deserve this sort of treatment from their sons, they always went out of their way to help others yet even the sons dont seem to care enough about them. I would have been horrified to think my parents were not well and I did not know, but then I would have made sure someone kept me informed of how they were doing.
Maybe they do know and cant do anything about it.

[Alice]

The "kids" are probably 75 and maybe not in very good health themselves.

[Alison]

The "kids" are probably 75 and maybe not in very good health themselves.

Good point Alice, it's easy to forget things like that.

[piskieinboots]

It's a bit unfair to say that the family don't care when you don't know them.

This is very true, one should never judge without knowing the situation.

Good point Alice, it's easy to forget things like that.

Very good point!

[SueA]

I'd just call round with a small gift, box of chocs., pot plant or something & say you've come to say thanks for the card & ask how her husband is. It may be you get told to mind your own business but at least you'll have tried & if she goes to her children for Christmas at least you'll know she's safe.
My mum-in-law is 87 & lives on her own, my O.H. takes her shopping once a week & we call round regularly & she goes to various church & social groups. She's very independent though & will struggle with things before asking for help but luckily she has a great family next door to her who call round if her curtains aren't open by a certain time or if they haven't seen her around so I'd risk it if I were you Zazen.

[zazen999]

I'd just call round with a small gift, box of chocs., pot plant or something & say you've come to say thanks for the card & ask how her husband is. It may be you get told to mind your own business but at least you'll have tried & if she goes to her children for Christmas at least you'll know she's safe.
My mum-in-law is 87 & lives on her own, my O.H. takes her shopping once a week & we call round regularly & she goes to various church & social groups. She's very independent though & will struggle with things before asking for help but luckily she has a great family next door to her who call round if her curtains aren't open by a certain time or if they haven't seen her around so I'd risk it if I were you Zazen.

We always check curtains etc anyway - that goes without saying...I suppose when Mr was out and about he told us what was going on and when they were due to go away etc etc; so it's more that without him being there nobody knows what is going on unless they see her coming and going......

On a more positive front; the neighbours 5 doors down [the ones who put my decking on rightmove.com and who were obnoxious and arrogant t****s] have sold up and finally, at long last, moved down south. I told the post office lady that I thought they had finally gone yesterday and she gave me a 10 minute rant about how everyone hated them; and I thought it was just me....if only I'd known.....