Heartbreaking

[Incy]

Lol Zazen, it's often the way.

[ginger ninger]

It's a bit unfair to say that the family don't care when you don't know them. They obviously do care or they wouldn't get her a taxi to theirs every Christmas. It may be that they simply don't know what to do or don't want to accept that their mum is now not capable of looking after herself and is in denial. I know that doesn't help the old woman but neither does apportioning blame. Zazen and some of the other neighbours are trying to do something positive and that's the most important thing here.

No one is saying that THIS ladies family doesn't care for her, I just commented that SOME families in MY opinion don't care for there elderly parents and relatives (as in look after), Its a fact of life.
SOME people would rather plonk there relatives in a home and believe me I know what I'm talking about when I say some elderly people are just DUMPED, I understand that circumstances can be against some people visiting but you'd be surprised just how many elderly people are just left.
Zazen and this ladies neighbours are looking out for her and this can only be a good thing, its a shame there isn't more people like Zazen in this world.

[bramble]

If it were me I would call once a day every day. You have the ideal excuse of calling to ask how her husband is doing in hospital.
If she is a bit put out in the beginning i'm sure she will get used to you and may even get to look forward to your daily visits.
My mother was very mobile when she lived at home up to the age of 90 but was so lonely, and too proud to let anyone know that she would have loved someone to visit.

[weekendwellies]

Its very sad to say, but some familys don't care P.B.

There are often circumstances where the kids appear to not care, but those kids have been put through hell growing up, so the fact that they have anything at all to do with elderly parents is extraordinary.
Sometimes it is just that the kids don't care/are too busy living their lives.
Perhaps the parents don't want their kids to be fussing over them.
I have seen all sides and have learned to not judge the situation that appears to be. Unless you know all the facts, it is better to let families get on with what works for them.

Zazen, would you perhaps knock on her door one day, and say that you are driving to the Co-op the following day, and would she like a lift/if you could pick up anything for her while you are there?
If she goes every day anyway then it wouldn't matter which day you pick.

Or when you write the card, with your phone number, why not add that you would like it if she would call round for a natter and a cuppa at some time.

[zazen999]

Or when you write the card, with your phone number, why not add that you would like it if she would call round for a natter and a cuppa at some time.

I've put our number in the card; but she really doesn't 'do' nattering. She doesn't really 'do' talking; and I'm not going to be the one to barge in and keep knocking round to see her......but I'm keeping a eye on things from next door. I'd hate it if someone kept coming round my house unannounced; if she's not that type of person then i don't think trying to make her into that type of person would help.

I've seen her this lunchtime, getting a bag in so I think someone is getting her stuff as I've seen this bag outside the front door a couple of times this week.

[elizajay]

My father's elderly cousin lived in a small village and had a neighbour who called in at lunchtime daily to make her soup. Another neighbour did her shopping and gave her his mobile number and she called him one night when her lift to take her upstairs (through the living room ceiling broke down halfway up.) I think she must have had an evening meal delivered as well. It enabled her to stay in her home despite her frailty until her death. She just left the front door open so that anybody could call on her. It worked for her. Her family didn't live nearby.

[Sue]

Hi
Does your council run a scheme whereby personal alarms are issued to old people. This is nothing new but what they do is set up a safe box with a security code opener, hidden under shrubs etc so that if the alarm goes off and no neighbour can be contacted then the police can access the box and let themselves in to help.
That way you would at least know that if your neighbour did fall she would be able to sound the alarm and you could be contacted and if you're not there, the police could call round.

I have a very elderly next door neighbour and I have his key, the only thing is if the burglar alarm goes off I am expected to go in and check the situation, very scary in his big house, one time he nearly gave me heart failure as I was creeping around hoping it was a false alarm or at least the burglars long gone when I heard a noise upstairs. Once I'd picked myself up, I found it was him, he's fallen asleep and hadn't heard the kerfuffle.

Sue

[Alison]

I have a very elderly next door neighbour and I have his key, the only thing is if the burglar alarm goes off I am expected to go in and check the situation, very scary in his big house, one time he nearly gave me heart failure as I was creeping around hoping it was a false alarm or at least the burglars long gone when I heard a noise upstairs. Once I'd picked myself up, I found it was him, he's fallen asleep and hadn't heard the kerfuffle.

We tell our neighbour to ring the police if our alarm goes off and then give them the key as I wouldn't want to think of him going in on his own in case there was a problem.

Re your false alarm, reminds me of when my mum went to check on the old boy next door. He was slumped in his chair and she couldn't get a reaction when she knocked on the window. Let herself in and still no reaction when she called out. Was just at the point of tapping him on the shoulder when he woke up with a start and made her scream as she'd been bracing herself for him having passed away. They both laughed afterwards but a bit of a shock at the time.