What makes a best friend?

[kirsty b]

My OH and I are chalk and cheese but he is my best friend. I have a wicked temper and if he was anymore laid back he'd fall over. When he sees me starting to blow, he will make me laugh and I'll forget why I was angry.

Very close to my sisters and brother too, although with younger sis in forces I don't really get to see her that much at present, and with everything my elder sis is going through, I try not to dump on her too much when I'm having an off day (but still treat her the same as I always have - hard to get it 'right' some days). Things will get better in time I hope, but its still early days and we are all playing it very much by ear.

Really don't know where I'd be without you guys too

[HotStuff]

I have 2 close friends, one lives close by, the other lives in South Africa. What do they have in common? They listen without being judgemental. But they still tell me when I'm talking sh!t. They accept me for what I am and I know whatever happens they will always be there. The one in RSA actually saved my life back in 99, haven't seen him since then but we still talk regularly.

Thinking about it, I actually have 3, one on my neighbours is a couple in their 80s. They are both wonderful and treat me like another son, but the chap and I go for long walks in the countryside round here and we talk about everything and I always come home feeling better than I left.

[HeyWayne]

I'm not really a best freind kinda person. I don't have a close circle of friends either.

LadyWayne is definitely my best friend though.

[SarzWix]

I'm very lucky, my greatest friend lives just round the corner. We understand each other without words a lot of the time, finish each other's sentences, and think the same way on lots of things. We were both brought up by dads who are 'always right', and can make each other cry laughing by one well-timed comment ("It's expensive, learning" or "Get a grip"). We didn't grow up together, only met when I moved to this house 10 years ago, but I feel like I've known her forever and absolutely love her to bits. She's one of the few people that can tell me I'm wrong and get away with it

I've also got a few friends scattered around the country, who I don't see as often as I'd like, but when we do meet up it's like I only saw them the day before. And two that I've never met, but I love to pieces all the same - they get away with telling me that I'm wrong too

And it goes without saying (although I'm saying it anyway) that you Grapes are some true gems, and I know I can call an awful lot of you friends, in the non-judgemental support I've had on here

[Pumpkin Becki]

I think true friends are able to not see each other for a while (a few years even) for whatever reason, and then when they meet up the conversation carries on as if they'd not missed a day!

A true friend listens and doesn't judge.

This sums up me and my best friend perfectly. She moved to Basingstoke after college (10 ish years ago), and we've only seen each other two or three times since then, but we text often and when we speak on the phone, its for absolutely hours and hours. We can tell each other anything, I even gave her long distance support when her relationship fell apart - she was in Basy and i was up the lottie planting seed potatoes .

Whenever she needs me I'm there, and vice versa...the only thing I couldn't bring myself to tell her, was that my mother had died...I don't know why.

[OllieMartin]

I'm not really a best freind kinda person. I don't have a close circle of friends either.

LadyWayne is definitely my best friend though.

I think us guys tend to be less likely to have a 'best' friend. (That might be a sweeping statement).

I have several 'good' friends, and though there are some who would probably like to think they fill the 'best' role they'er all quite different.

I have one back in Derby who has a great sense of humour, is clever and we make a great duo, but he's not a big socialiser or drinker.
I have one in Hull who is a big socialiser and fornicator, great fun to go out with, but is quite self-centred and attention-seeking so hard to be serious with.
I have a friend in Tenerife who it's easy to have long chats about life with and is reliable, but tough to have 'intelligent' conversations with.

They're all lovely people, but each one is very different and I'd turn to a different one depending on the situation.

[Alison]

I've been pondering this afternoon................ about my best friend and myself. We seem to be total opposites, but she is my best friend who I can tell anything and she will give me good, sound advice (I may not agree with it, but she is always bob on!).

There is a big difference between what you do, like etc and what you are ie your values for life. I don't have a best friend but have several very close friends (and a wonderful OH) who I know would be there for me if I needed them. It's nothing like in the films where you're into each others lives every 5 minutes (bit like Sex in the City) but more solid relationships who I know would go that extra distance for me if need be. At least half of them, on paper, are totally incompatable with me but we share the same core values about respect, love and generally caring for each other.

[Dane End Dolly]

My best friend and i have the following philosophy that seems to work well for us.

1. we do not need to live in each others pockets but when we need each other through what ever trials and tribulations, we are there no questions asked (the other halves have come to accept that)

2. we support each other 100% even when we think husbands and boyfriends are complete aholes.

3. there is never a need to explain or apologise as we are friends and we naturally give and expect nothing in return.

4. most importantly, we cherish our friendship and our differences and as we say that is the one person who we can guarantee "has our back" with no ulterior motives.

5. your best friend knows where all the skeletons are buried and never judges.

I am very lucky to have such a friend and we appreciate what we bring to each other with our differences, gosh know i am gushing but my best friend is a special lady, who is there for me 100% as i am there for her.

Kx

[Hilary B]

I have to admit that my 'best friends' are family, and while they would be 'there for me' (and have been) as I am for them, there are so many ways that we are not alike (and some of them can be very judgemental, but only in a 'talking about it' sense, it wouldn't stop them being helpful). OH is a good friend too.
The ideal 'best friend', the abstract version, was well summed up by Kipling, in a poem called "The Thousandth Man".
One detail, to HAVE that sort of friend, you have to be prepared to BE that sort of friend too, and it is actually quite difficult. You have to trust someone, totally. You have to be prepared to find out that you are willing to do more for them than they are for you, and still go on being that close, and if it all goes wrong, you have to be able to accept that without judging either them, or yourself.
Sometimes you find a 'quote' in a silly place, but it strikes a chord of reality. Somewhere (not going to say where) I came across this.
"the person who trusts, is not betrayed, only mistaken."
That works for me, but it still isn't easy to act on!