I Feel So Hopeless...

[ginger ninger]

I've typed this 3 times already and not been able to post it as a thread, but here goes.
Most of you know my Dad doesn't enjoy the best of health, he had a nasty fall in September last year and spent 9 days in hospital, he was diagnosed with dementia towards the back end of last year, this Sunday just gone he had another bad fall, he was rushed to hospital and that's where he is now, I've just got home from seeing him and to be honest I'm mentally drained, the Dr's have told my sister and me that Dad has had a bleed on the brain, they could operate on him but his age and the fact he has emphysema pause the question...do they try.
He's been sat in his chair at the side off his bed whistling away, humming to himself and smiling at people and nurses as they pass by, totally oblivious to the decisions we have to make on his behalf, we have to go and see the consultant tomorrow at 2, to tell him what we have decided, I personally don't know what to do, I want the best for my Dad but the little girl inside wants her Dad, its upset me so much I really thought I could be strong for him, and I feel like I'm letting him down.
Sorry, I just didn't know who to turn to, Ian (OH) is like me, he's too involved.
Thanks for letting me try and make sence of it all.

[weekendwellies]

Oh dear, Ginger, I don't know what to say. It is such a difficult situation to be in. It must be terribly upsetting, for you and your sister. Whatever you decide, will be the right thing and you must never doubt that. ((((( HUGS )))))

[Sprocket*]

Bless, I feel like driving around there and giving you a big hug - don't know where you are.
I don't know what to say as I thankfully have not been in that position, all I can think is that the decision should be made on what you think he would have said had he been well enough to ask.

Big big hugs!!!! xx

[Pumpkin Becki]

Take a deep breath honey, we're here for you.

I know we can't give you advice on what to do for the best, only you and yours can decide that. The Doctor's will be very honest with you, when Ninny was at the end, they broached the subject of withdrawing treatment - they wouldn't have done that if they hadn't been sure she was near the end. Listen carefully to what they say and discuss options as a family. I coped so much better once my brother was with me at Ninny's bedside.

And in the meantime, know that we are here thinking of you at this difficult time.
PBxxx

[FionaH]

Oh hon there are no easy answers for you are there? I wouldn't dream of offering advice on a subject of this magnitude. I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers though. You may feel clearer when you have talked things through with the consultant and examined all the possible options. Big hugs

xx

[binley100]

Oh dear god what an awful situation for you all to be going through . I'm so sorry . I'll pm you. Big big hugs.xxxxx

[di]

So sorry,like the others I wouldn't dream of even starting to suggest what you should do...I don't think I'd know anyway.But huge hugs for you.{{{{x}}}
The hospital will always have his best interests at heart and I hope they can help you make the decision.Whichever you choose will be the right one for your Dad.xxx

[lettucegrow!]

I really feel for you, you must be absolutely exhausted. Is there anyone else in the family you can lean on/ask for advice? PB is right the consultant will be very honest with you and ask all the questions you need to. Right stuff down so you you want to ask and don't not ask something for whatever reason - every question is relevant.
Thinking of you and sending hugs.xxxx

[Caro]

Bless your poor dad, sitting there whistling and happy! What a difficult decision. As the others have said, listen to the consultants, make the decision you think your dad would want. And don't try to make it tonight. Sleep on it, and maybe things will be clearer in the morning.

Thinking of you,

caro xxx

[Hans Mum]

nothing else i can say its all been said above, just sending hugs to you & yours xx

[kirsty b]

This is a huge decision for you all and I just want to give you a big hug. Sleep on it, or try to and see how things go tomorrow. Ask every single question that goes into your heads, however insignificant they may seem to you, because they are not and the more you can be told and understand about it will help you all.

Best wishes xxx

[Bren In Pots]

I didn't want to read and run, but just to say I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

[its hilly]

Bless you GN..there are no words that I think of that can express how sorry I feel for you at this difficult time.
For what its worth, my thoughts are ..Ask every single question you and yours can think of before you even try to make a decision. Make sure you thoroughly understand and think through what you are told. Do not be afraid to ask questions more than once, or say 'I'm sorry I don't understand exactly what you mean' The doctors are there to help you, and understand that the shock you are feeling makes you less sure of yourself, and slower to work things through than usual.
Keep in mind two things, sadly whatever you decide you cannot return your Dad to what he was pre-dementia (and I really wish that didnt sound so harsh cos thats not how its meant)
And secondly that he would perfectly understand that this has totally knocked you sideways.. you arent letting him down by not being strong..you are strong, its just so much harder to be strong when you love someone so much, and parents are the first to know that.

[ginger ninger]

Thanks so much for the Hugs and well wishes, also the P.M's I have received they have helped me more than I can say, I'm hoping that after a nights sleep I'm going to be more equipped to deal with what ever decision we have to make, weather it is to go ahead with the operation or not, I've wrote a list of questions down that I think both my sister and me would like answer's to before we make up our mind's, in the long run we have to put a side our feelings and concentrate on Dad, and what would be the best thing for him, I think I'm coming to terms with the shock of what was said at the hospital, its not every day you get landed with a side winder like this, fingers crossed after we get some answers to a lot of questions we can help Dad.
I'd just like to say again, this is the best place to be when you need lots of shoulders to lean on, you lot are so understanding and you know just when to pass the tissues. XXXXXX

[enrich100]

Like Bren said I will be thinking of you tommorow
its never easy making a decision like this on a loved one