I Feel So Hopeless...

[jackie j]

Hugs to your family, decisions about our parents are very hard to make, we always look to them for advice and when the tables turn its very hard. My mum had stomach cancer on top of everything else she had, we were given the option of her having an operation or not and at the age she was at the time 92 we decided not as she might not make it through the op. As she was compos mentos ( sp ) at the time we had to sit with her with the consultant and go through the options, we didnt want her to know but she had to, it took a while for her to come to terms with it and understand.

Whatever you decide it will be for the best, ask as many questions as you can, write them down first as you will forget once you are with the consultant.
All the best.

[piskieinboots]

Sorry I am late on this one

I can only echo what has been said, a horrid decision to have to work through - I will be thinking of you this afternoon

((((hugs))))

[snuffer]

Some of us have been where you are now. Some of us will be heading there in the future. One day some of us will be relying on others to make those decisions for us.

These times are hard because we care. It is part of what makes us human.

Just to let you know that others are thinking of you and yours. Take care.

[Nicos]

Oh dear- not a nice situation to be in. I truly hope I never have to make the choice. xx

from a medical point of view..if you want it.....

The Consultant is giving you the opportunity to request no invasive treatment. I'd have thought that if he thought it was best to operate, he'd have already advised it.
What would be the success rate of the op-is it likely to bleed further following surgery- (or more so during surgery) leaving him worse off than if left alone? He'd have gone through all that stress and pain - and confusion- for nothing.
Sometimes doing nothing is actually a more dignified choice- and not a reflection of you not caring.
I'm sorry- I don't know how old your father is and I can clearly see your love for him pouring out of your post. He's a lucky man to have such a daughter.

As the others suggest- write down, and ask all your questions, and make sure you understand the replies. What would he do if it was his father in that situation- I'm sure he must have thought about that many times over the past few years. Sometimes showing love is stepping back , but being supportive.
Be guided by the Consultant and your gut feelings.
My heart goes out to you and all in your family xx

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

I am truly sorry you are facing some horrendous decisions but it is a blessing your dad is unaware of his situation. Listen to the consultants and surgeons. If it is of help and you decide to go ahead with surgery Mr Frosty says you don't have pain (really good meds) Our thoughts are with you.

[Bex]

You will be in my thoughts today, ((((hugs + love)))) coming your way.

[RedThorn]

Thoughts with you and your family. {{{hugs}}}

[annacruachan]

I do feel for you, Ginger, what a very difficult path you have to tread today; suddenly being responsible to such an extent for a parent will always make the child in you come to the fore and panic. But you have slept on it and written down your questions for the consultant and liaised with your family, showing that your innate strength is coming to the fore.

Be glad that your dad is calm and happy. At a very deep level he trusts you to make the right decisions for him, and you can trust yourself to do this too. You are not alone. Big hugs.

[HeyWayne]

There's a collective shoulder here if you need somewhere to lean. Best of luck this afternoon. You'll make the right decision.

[mrdinkle]

I can't really add anything that has not been said above, apart from my thoughts are with you too. I would also like to reiterate what snuffer said:

These times are hard because we care. It is part of what makes us human.

[Bren In Pots]

Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

[Flummery]

Hi - late as usual to an important thread, but when Mr F's mum was seriously ill some years ago and there was much discussion as to what should be done, he said to the doctor "What would you do if it was your mum?" Really good question. They acted on the answer with excellent results. Thinking of you chuck.

[lainey lou]

You obviously love your Dad deeply and have his comfort at heart, you will make the right decision.Thinking of you. xxx

[ginger ninger]

Well, I managed to get a reasonable nights sleep, I've just rang the hospital and all they said was that Dad had a comfortable night, he's had his breakfast, a drink and is now sat watching T.V.
I've asked OH's Dad if he would come to the hospital with me this afternoon as my own rock (IAN) is a bit crumbly at the moment, His dad went through the same thing with his own mum, she's 98 and is in the last stages of Alzheimer's, he's totally independent and impartial so he won't be clouded with the emotional side like I am, My sister rang me and she's OK about his dad coming, my brother in law will be there to support her so I hope we'll be alright, with luck things will turn out OK cos its Dad's birthday on the 26th of this month, he's be 85....so, I have my list of questions, packet of tissues and a heart full of good wishes.

[Comfreyfan]

Lots of love and hugs for you and your family. Will be thinking of you today xx