I Feel So Hopeless...

[Rhona]

I'm sure you're finding reserves of strength you didn't know you had. Hope all goes as well as possible - I'm sure you'll do the right thing for your beloved dad. x

[SueA]

Hope everything goes well Ginger & you reach a decision you're all happy with. Have they said what will happen if your dad doesn't have the operation? Do they need to decide straight away as he seems relatively stable. It must be a nightmare for you all, take care.

[stella]

Only just found this but so sorry to hear your troubles. Will pm you

[Hilary B]

Hi - late as usual to an important thread, but when Mr F's mum was seriously ill some years ago and there was much discussion as to what should be done, he said to the doctor "What would you do if it was your mum?" Really good question. They acted on the answer with excellent results. Thinking of you chuck.

As usual we can rely on Aunty Flum to point out something worth thinking about and that no-one else has mentioned!

[Glutton4...]

Big ((((Hugs)))) and best wishes from me too at this difficult time. I think it's lovely that he's happy and smiling and in no pain. What more can one ask?

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

I hope everything is/has going as well as can be expected.

[Brengirl]

Dear dear Ginger. By thinking out loud your torment you are in fact easing the burden. You are sharing.

[ginger ninger]

Well, where do I start, we were kept waiting for 70 Min's, then when we got to see someone it was a junior Dr, apparently we have to ask to see the consultant, and until a decision has been made about what is going to be done about Dad (there words) they can only discuss his options. So I asked what his options were, the answer was...they can leave Dad as he is and see what happens, they can REQUEST the operation be done at a later date, if his condition deteriorates rapidly do they have permission to intervene.
But in the long run the decision is the neurological teams.
My sister asked why we had been told by one of the other Dr's that we were going to see the consultant today, because a decision HAD to be made as a matter of urgency, and then we get fobbed off with a Junior Dr who she couldn't understand, and who hadn't got a clue or didn't want to answer our questions about Dad's (she's not very tactful)
So I feel really angry that we were put through all the upset, wondering what to do for Dad for the best and in the long run I feel its out of our hands.
They also asked if he had a D.N.R in place to which We answered no, that resulted in a tut and a rustling of papers, so I think it was one step forward and two steps back. Still no wiser.

[Brengirl]

Whatever happens in the next few days bear in mind that we all have our lifespan. Some long some not so. Does the Dad, as you knew him, have a quaility of life. If yes, prolong it. If not, why prolong his agony.
It is not often that we given this burden but I know you and your sister will arrive at the right decision for all of you.

[Incy]

Big hugs Ginger. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
It sounds like you had a really horrible time today. I don't blame your sister for being untactful, it sounds like it needed saying. Have you now 'asked' to see a consultant? I really hope you can get some answers soon. Often it's the not knowing that is hardest as you feel like you're in limbo and are not being given the opportunity to get to grips with whatever decision is made.

[winstonwobble]

So sorry for you GN it drives me mad that you can never get a straight answer in these place's keep your chin up girl hope you get more sense tomorrow love to you and your dad julia

[Glutton4...]

Sorry to hear your news GN - what an awful day for you and your Sister. I think I'd have been less tactful too. From what you've said some of the Staff feel he should have a DNR, which, in itself tells you a lot. I feel for you, it must be very difficult. ((((hugs)))) from me too.

[kirsty b]

I'm sorry today was so frustrating for you all. I assume you have the name of your consultant? Ring the hospital's main switchboard, ask for his secretary and try to get an appointment to see him at the earliest opportunity OR call the ward and speak to the sister/nurse in charge and say that you would like to be there when consultant does his rounds (most do daily rounds). As your dad has confusion, it is necessary for you to know what is going on without being given the run around. Its in your dad's best interests for you all to be fully informed surely?

(sorry if that sounds militant, but on our ward, family members (next-of kin usually) are permitted to be there for rounds if the patient is likely to understand little of what is going on or if it is a very serious condition. Trouble is different hospitals have different rules)

[ginger ninger]

The worst bit about it is he's sitting up and chatting with everyone who'll give him the time of day, the nurses say he makes them laugh, Yes he's forget-full and sometimes confused about how long he's been in hospital, he doesn't always recognise people he's not seen for a while until he's studied there faces, he forgot that my sister went to see him last night, but remembered I'd been.
This afternoon he was telling us about a caterpillar that he had on his bed last night, we thought yup he's away with the fairies again, then one of the nurses asked if he's told us about his little visitor...the caterpillar, she had to move it, so he remembers some things and not others.
His appetite is great and both of the other end work fine, He'd kill me if he knew I was talking about his bit's and pieces , he has friends back where he lives, he doesn't go out now because he always wants to stop at home, he dose have a quality of life that a lot of well people don't have, so why they were asking some of the questions they were asking when they're not prepared to operate on him has left me feeling rather flat. I forgot to mention the Dr said he was in no immediate danger that he could see after reading his notes.

[Brengirl]

Sorry darling but from what you say it is imperative for you both to speak with the consultant. Even with the best will in the world I still do not believe that 'the consultant's' views are god given but they are the best you are going to get. The rest is up to you.
In his rational moments is he sad?